Thursday, August 27, 2009

The World's Most Idiotic Debate

Because I knew Andrew Sullivan to be a foreskin fetishist (NTTAWWT), I intended only to have some mocking fun with his guest-blogger Hannah Rosin, who so heedlessly violated a Daily Dish taboo by expressing indifference to the procedure that Sully calls "Male Genital Mutilation."

That Sully is himself "cut," and yet expresses such a vehement preference for the "uncut" variety -- circumcision self-hatred, we might call it -- suggests to me merely that Sully has devoted too much of his life to other men's penises. NTTAWWT.

Because I am currently on deadline for an American Spectator article having nothing to do with the Great Prepuce Debate, I don't have time to engage in a full-bore reaction to Mara Gay's claim that Ms. Rosin has provoked "a very intimate kind of outcry from male commentators" -- myself among them.

Being quite happily married for 20 years, after having previously spent more than a decade as an equally happy and reasonably popular bachelor, I protest any suggestion that I really give a damn about anyone else's penis but my own. While quite satisfied with my own equipment, I think it unseemly that I should boast of its merits, or to cast aspersions on the equipment of others.

What obtrudes here -- and it obtrudes from only one direction in the present discourse -- is the Foreskin Lobby's repeated assertion that the circumcised penis is "mutilated" or in some other way inferior to the unmodified phallus.

This is an attack requiring a response, you see, and while loath to engage in such a time-wasting and uncivilized discussion, I've just about had enough of these hateful insinuations.

A Gentile myself, yet having been circumcised as an infant (as were my brothers), we might speculate that this decision was made on the basis of medical advice related to convenience of hygiene and health. Or one might speculate that my farm-born father, having the rather common experience of men who underwent this procedure as adults after being drafted into the Army in World War II, thought it wise to spare his sons such trauma. Or one might even speculate that it was my mother who most influenced this decision.

All that is speculation of a fruitless sort, and given the extreme unlikelihood that Andrew Sullivan shall ever sire his own sons, his relentless advocacy -- which amounts to a personal insult to my penis -- is in extraordinarily bad taste. Given the well-known nature of his interest in penises, it well behooves Sully to stop attempting to influence the decisions of parents in regard to their own sons.

While it might be too much to assume the ethnicity or religious affiliation of someone named "Hannah Rosin," let us stipulate the likelihood that she is Jewish. If this is true, then it is very much to be expected that Ms. Rosin would defend the historic custom -- indeed, the divine covenant -- which requires that every male heir of the patrimony of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob be circumcised.

So, are those who derogate the foreskinless phallus as "mutilated" expressing some sort of religious bigotry? I hesitate to suggest such a thing, but sincerely wish that these barbaric aficionados of heathen penises would cease inciting unseemly debates over a subject so offensive to so many.

Grab a cup of STFU, you foreskin-fascinated freaks! By your folly you are in danger of inciting wrath such as befell the residents Shalem, when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite offended Levi and Simeon by shamefully mistreating their sister, Jacob and Leah's daughter Dinah.

Somehow, that old story seems relevant. Look it up, heathen -- and beware!

UPDATE: Sigh. No sooner do I attempt to return to my work -- dammit, I'm on deadline here, people! -- than Memeorandum calls my attention to this, this, this and (unkindest uncut of all) Cassandra at Villainous Company, with my own Porsche Manque in the comments!

Smitty, how are we supposed to accomplish our goal of world domination, when we're working at cross-purposes?

16 comments:

  1. So, are those who derogate the foreskinless phallus as "mutilated" expressing some sort of religious bigotry?

    No, oh future first Gentile President of Israel: its Neocon Derangement Syndrome gone wild.

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  2. Not president, Bob, prime minister.

    They don't call me "Moishe McCain" for nothing, you know . . .

    (NOTE TO SELF: Purchase eyepatch.)

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  3. So there's a split in the Conservative movement - Rush used this as an opportunity to attack socialism, you used it as an opportunity to attack Sullivan. I think that says a lot.

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  4. Don't you boys ever talk about anything else?

    You must admit, Cassandra's picture was hilarious.

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  5. Rush used this as an opportunity to attack socialism, you used it as an opportunity to attack Sullivan. I think that says a lot.

    And you're an anonymous pissant, which also says a lot.

    All I'm saying is that I'm tired of this idiotic debate. I don't want to discuss Rush Limbaugh's penis or Barack Obama's penis or Andrew Sullivan's penis.

    On the other hand, if someone would like to begin a discussion of vaginas . . .

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  6. I don't want to discuss Rush Limbaugh's penis or Barack Obama's penis or Andrew Sullivan's penis. On the other hand, if someone would like to begin a discussion of vaginas . . .

    To which a less principled person than myself might be tempted to reply, "Oh for Pete's sake, McCain ... throw the ladies a boooooooone." :p

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  7. Everybody knows the story of David and Goliath but few know one of the greatest bible insults. Thus spake David unto Goliath:

    1 Samuel 17: 26 "For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?"

    We should pull the "uncircumcised Philistine" insult out of the rhetorical quiver more often... Probably wouldn't work against Rahm Emmanuel though.

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  8. I saw your original post and wrote one that linked yours in a very flattering way and included an offer to explain the difference between circumcision and REAL genital mutilation over a sharp shard of glass with any male blogger confused about the two.

    Click my name for the link.

    AND NOT ONLY DO YOU DIS ME BY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THIS THOUGHTFUL OFFER, BUT MEMEORANDUM DOES, TOO!

    WTF, dude, WTF?

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  9. On the other hand, if someone would like to begin a discussion of vaginas . . .

    Dr. R.S. McCain, OB-GYN has to ASK to start a discussion on the Tunnel Of Love?

    Tsk tsk, Sir! Tsk, tsk! What is the medical profession coming to these days?

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  10. Oy Vey, what a topic! First, it is extremely disturbing that Andrew Sullivan cannot keep his nose out of peoples crotches. Be it Sarah Palin's reproductive history or the chosen aerodynamics of a man's penis, Andrew seems to get way too involved. Second, the whole concept of government "dick-tates" should disqualify socialized medicine in this country forever!

    Now on to more pleasant topics, vajayjay anyone?

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  11. I don't have time to engage....loathe to engage in....I'm on deadline....I'm tired of this idiotic debate....

    So you post three times on this topic throughout the evening, following up on your post on the same topic two days earlier.

    While quite satisfied with my own equipment, I think it unseemly that I should boast of its merits.

    Ahem. Also, see any installment of "A Girl Named Tonya."

    Seriously, Stacy. The frequency with which you deny that you're doing what you're doing is one of the primary entertainment values of your writing.

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  12. Stacy: I specifically did not say 'first Gentile Prime Minister' because such cultural and political change is best when it comes over time [ie: conservatively]. First, the ceremonial office, then we can start thinking about the office with the real power.

    Sometimes you still act like a Democrat. You can take the boy out of the Democratic Party, but you can never fully take the Democratic Party out of the boy, I guess.

    PS: Some women find an eye patch sexy.

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  13. In the future, please refrain from using the words "in bad taste" on articles about your package.

    Just saying.

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  14. I'm picking up what you're putting down, Mr. M. I'm also batting for the skins as opposed to the shirts. I'm into it.

    I would raise a point that if Ms. Rosin is Jewish, it doesn't necessarily follow that she holds to an Orthodox or even Reformed Judaism. Many Jews in Israel and America alike are not observant, but like a large number of people have felt compelled to have their sons circumcised because of its health benefits and cultural normality. But then if that whole portion of the post is based solely on your penchant for good humor in the midst of a rather boring debate, forgive my lack of savvy in the reading.

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  15. The circumsized community tends to be composed almost entirely of observing Christians and Jews. Maybe it isn't the penis that these people really find inferior. There, that's more words than I even intended to dedicate to discussing the penises? peni? of others.

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