Saturday, September 26, 2009

New Jersey man pleased to discover his constitutional right to sex with cows

Better get your brain bleach ready, folks. If you thought McKenzie Phillips doing Papa John -- consensually! -- was the nadir of postmodern American degeneracy, you were wrong. Hat-tip to Dan Collins for finding this guaranteed cookie-hurler for our TMI files:
A New Jersey judge has dismissed animal cruelty charges against a cop accused of committing a sex act with young cows, saying a grand jury had no way of knowing whether the animals were "tormented."
Moorestown police officer Robert Melia, who is currently suspended, allegedly engaged in oral sex acts with five calves in Southampton in 2006.
Since New Jersey currently has no law explicitly banning such an act, prosecutors in Burlington county brought animal cruelty charges against Melia, the Philadelphia Daily News reports.
Judge Morely said it was questionable that Melia's acts, though "disgusting," constituted animal cruelty.
"I'm not saying it's OK," Morely said. "This is a legal question for me. It's not a questions of morals. It's not a question of hygiene. It's not a question of how people should conduct themselves."
But wait! Like a Billy Mays TV informercial, there's more:
The judge's dismissal does not mark the end of Melia's legal woes.
He, along with girlfriend Heather Lewis, was arrested in April 2008 for sexually assaulting three girls over a five-year-period.
Authorities investigating those charges reportedly uncovered videos on his computer of a girl being "subjected to sexual activity" in addition to taped encounters between Melia and the calves.
Sex with kids. Sex with cows. Kiddie porn. Cow porn. Like they say in Delaware, what happens in New Jersey, stays in New Jersey -- and thank God for that. But you're probably asking yourself, "What manner of loathsome creatures could possibly engage in this kind of twisted, decadent evil?"

Somebody tell Don Surber about this . . .


  1. What about sheep & goats? And donkeys?
    I wouldn't so worked up about this story - people in rural environments had sex with animals far more frequently than you think. It is still not that uncommon in some parts of the world, particularly the Arab world.

  2. Come on, didn't you ever see The Cowboy Way?

    Dan Collins should be careful because I am sure there are a few deviants in Vermont too. Look at Ben and Jerry?

    Still not quite as fun (in a karmic sense) as this story from the other side. Charles Johnson, we have a Darwin Award winner!

    My guess is New Jersey will pass a law against this just like Washington State passed a law shortly after its fatal encounter. It is the fact you have to actually pass laws for this sort of thing that is disturbing, but I am pretty sure there have been and are individuals engaging in such behavior even in your own fair state Stacy. Sometimes it is untintentional.

    Perhaps even a LGF regular or two has stared at some pet or farm animal in an untoward way? And there is that bizzare interspecies relationship between CJ and Sharmutta.

  3. And as bad as these stories are, McKenzie Phillips situation is worse.

    Well, maybe tied with the guy with the horse.

  4. Apparently there was no law in New Jersey to prosecute this cop, but in Ogden, Utah there is a law specifically allowing it:

    A. Unlawful: It shall be unlawful for any person to in any manner tease, annoy, disturb, molest or irritate an animal that is confined to the owner’s property.

    B. Exception: The provisions of subsection A of this Section shall not apply to animal services officers or law enforcement officers acting within the scope of their authority.

    (1979 Code 6.12.070; amd. Ord. 81-34, 8-20-1981; Ord. 95-57, 8-22-1995)

    And with that Georgia individual with the attraction to dogs, it is a good thing it was not Uga or I am sure he would have hung him.

  5. Damn you. You dropped this bomb in one of Ace's ONT's and in spite of the warning I clicked it. Twenty years ago, I would have been speechless. Today, I can only shake my head. So, you got a link for some bleach product I can buy? ~Cyn

  6. Okay, I just assumed that most civilized states (yes, even Jersey) had bestiality laws.

    Of course, looking at his girlfriend, I almost understand why the calves started looking good.

  7. My Bad: And with that Georgia individual with the attraction to dogs, it is a good thing it was not Uga or I am sure [the good salt of the earth people of Georgia] would have hung him.