Friday, November 20, 2009

Advice for Lizard Trolls

An anonymous fool, endeavoring to derogate the latest revelations about fraudulent climate-change "science," evidently doesn't understand why the comments here are moderated:
Anonymous said...
You have just officially passed from "annoying nobody" into the realm of "demented a**hole/annoying nobody."
So glabal warming is a "conspiracy?" And I suppose you believe in creative design above evolution, too? You are an idiot. Period.
And, while you're at it, why don't you get a REAL job? You know you're not making any money doing this. Because NOBODY reads your blog, as evidenced by the ghost town of a comments section; that sh*t has tumbleweeds blowing across it.
Fri Nov 20, 12:08:00 PM
This fool's reference to comments as a measure of a blog's success suggests that he is a devotee of a certain Mad King Charles, whose bizarre obsession with his blog's commenters became the source of an Epic Fail. The likelihood of the anonymous fool's LGF origin is further reinforced by his fanaticism in regard to evolution, to say nothing of the emptiness of his rhetoric.

To explain briefly: I am a professional journalist who began full-time blogging here in March 2008 as an amusing way to maintain a full-time personal online presence between freelance assignments.

Believing that the whole point of writing is to communicate to readers, however, I did not relish the prospect of writing for nobody. Therefore, I began engaging in efforts to increase traffic. By the time the cumulative total of visitors cleared the 1-million mark -- on Feb. 13, 2009 -- I'd gleaned a few insights from the process which were humorously summarized as "How to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog in Less Than a Year."

In the ensuing nine months, the cumulative total has eclipsed the 3-million-visitor mark and, despite my status as a "demented a**hole/annoying nobody," there is good reason to hope that by next March, I'll be ready to write "How to Get Five Million Hits On Your Blog in Less Than a Year." Rule 6 might well be: Smash the Holy Crap Out of Trolls.

Shortly before this anonymous troll made his comment, there was another anonymous comment -- on the Spectator gala post, featuring the lovely Mrs. Other McCain -- and that comment began, "Your wife is a pig . . ."

The intelligent reader sees what is going on here. The LGFers, not content to have turned that once widely-read blog into a morass of totalitarian idiocy -- banning anyone who refused to kowtow to Mad King Charles and his henchpeople -- endeavor to harass me By Any Means Necessary. Why? Because it was I who, by my forceful response to Charles Johnson's bullying in September, compelled him to admit the truth: He is not a conservative, and never has been a conservative.

The result is that Johnson and his crew (Sharmuta, Trout, et al.) have lost any ability to influence conservatives with their insidious attacks on Pamela Geller, the Tea Party movement, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, etc. This renders LGF an exercise in futility, politically as inert as argon.

Johnson is now operating a second-rate imitation of DKos or Democratic Underground, a product for which there is no market and no real prospect for growth. His opportunism in hopping aboard the post-9/11 war-on-terror GOP bandwagon has been exposed as hypocritically cynical; liberal Democrats have no reason to trust Johnson as he desperately tries to rehabilitate himself as a "progressive." (The Left already has a surfeit of lousy writers with bad judgment.)

Unlike LGF, this blog has never aspired to be an exclusive members-only club. I have no time and no desire to emulate Charles Johnson's third-grade playground-clique mentality. But the comments here have always been moderated. Anyone can comment -- and liberals like Young4Eyes do so frequently -- but you can't hijack the comments as a weapon to attack the blog or to call my wife a "pig." That's when the "reject" and "delete" buttons come in handy.

As to this troll's idiotic question -- "why don't you get a REAL job?" -- just subscribe to the American Spectator. When the December issue arrives, turn to page 69 to see my 1,400-word article about NY23, "Battle Cry in the North Country," which I filed from the Buffalo airport two weeks ago.

Being a national political correspondent may not be "a REAL job," but it's better than being a stupid troll. And my advice to you, "Anonymous," is to stay over there at LGF, in the cloistered zone of up-dings and down-dings, until at last you fall victim to the dreaded Banning Stick, at which point the utter uselessness of your existence may become as apparent to you as it is to the rest of us.


  1. Here lyeth thy smoking remaineth of said troll.

    Oof, Stacy. Just oof.

  2. I'm sorry for the attacks on your family that you have to endure. Your wife is lovely and, I suspect, a candidate for sainthood seeing that she is married to you, has six kids, and chickens. Judging by your blog, you must be a handful to live with. And that's not counting the chili dogs with kraut.

  3. LGF is still a going concern? Huh, who knew?

  4. I must say in the study of blogology (the ecology of blogs) there is a strange symbiotic relationship between trolls and the host blogger/friendly commentators. The troll plays a small but important role of being a "devil's adovcate" if you will for the other side's position. A sparring partner if you will.

    That is why blogs tend to hate, but actually love a little bit, their resident trolls. Until of course they act up too much. Then they are quickly dispatched.

    LGF/Charles Johnson's blogimmune system is out of wack. It is an auto-immune disease, like arthritis or lupus, where the immune system is too agressive. So any legitimate friendly comment that is the least bit dismissive of Charles Johnson's view is deemed an attack.

    The "white blood cells" in the form of Sharmutta the great white whale, Kilgore's Trouser Trout, Cato the Village Idiot, and others are on constant attack mode. Allies of Chareles Johnson are made enemies. Charles keeps spinning in a blog death spiral, not much different than JFK Jr. flying his Cessna in the fog.

    If R.S. McCain is on a mission to get 5 million hits on his small but influential blog, Charles Johnson/LGF is in a steady state of decline and radioactive decay.

  5. I like tumbleweeds, but I've always been a bit of a cowgirl at heart. And I love proving semi-literate, uneducated, "I'm-a-liberal-so-I-need-someone-to-tell-me-what-to-believe" trolls wrong, so please put this in the middle of your comment desert.

  6. Oh, I dunno, RSM... His existence, like David Frum's, serves rather as an example of failure from which others may learn.

  7. Love.It. when you take out your stick....your troll-bashing stick. So entertaining!

  8. You'd think kicking little green footballs would be difficult... but that one just landed in the parking-lot, LOL

  9. I must say, I bailed on LGF a long time ago. Not because I really "hated" what Johnson and some of his views, (im agnostic) but because the blog was just......boring. I'm an agnostic traditionalist, and a fiscal conservative, and I just didn't care to waste my time on a site run by children who think the gravest threat to this country is tea party protesters, Glenn Beck, global warming, and creationism. Again.....very, very boring. His vicious trashy sniping and constant libels against decent people are a turnoff as well. The man is a grade-a loser. In LGF, he had a brand new, full loaded porsche, and he drove that sumbitch right into the ocean. Crash! He's lost a lot of his traffic, and is now nothing more than a milquetoast left-of-center blog. I prefer calling LGF "random lefty attack blog #4,228." Johnson's a bum.

  10. Damn, those LGFers are annoying

  11. Johnson is always trashing you for being a white supremacist. Today he trashed Hannah Giles and James Okeefe for having their pictures taken with you. When he trashes you I hope you always return the favor.

  12. And by the way, the reason he fails to ever tell people where the "little green footballs" name came from is this: That name, LGF, is slang for when people pick their nose and roll up their boogers, creating "little green footballs." That's not exactly something you want people to know you named your blog after if you want to be taken seriously. He ought to just call his site "smelly brown logs" for god's sake. Or maybe "warm yellow streams," or even "hot raunchy wind."

  13. Joe said...
    LGF/Charles Johnson's blogimmune system is out of wack.

    And I think that has a lot to do with CJ's social isolation, a fundamental risk of blogging, where virtual experience supplants the real world to the point where one becomes a cyber-obsessive recluse.

    One of the reasons I so enjoy the Shoe Leather Reporting road trips -- and attending events like Right Online, CPAC and last night's Spectator gala -- is because I actually like people. It's fun to meet new flesh-and-blood human beings, or to hang out with friends. If I spend too much time online and go too long without that kind of human interaction, I begin to experience something akin to depression, what Professor Jacobson calls "Blogger Mood Disorder."

    After Charles Johnson fired his first shot at me -- a minor comment, several weeks before his 9/12 attack -- I began to ask around, "What's up with this dude? What's he all about?" And one of the first things I learned was that he is essentially friendless, a misanthropic hermit who almost never comes out to socialize and who is very uncomfortable at crowded gatherings. For CJ, as for Sartre, "Hell is other people."

    That one aspect of Johnson's personality explains a lot more about what went wrong at LGF than does any mere ideological dispute.

  14. I like Xenon. Any word beginning with an X has to be good. And if you want to go for weird liquid Helium is your choice. Especially in the super fluid state.

    Trolls? I have a permanent one. I never respond to his posts. I have him trained though. If he gets too obnoxious I delete. He knows what is allowed by the pattern of my deletions. Training trolls is fun.

    How to get a million hits in a year? Get invited to blog at a place that gets 3,000 hits a day. A shortcut. Heh.

  15. SteveBrooklineMAFri Nov 20, 03:59:00 PM

    Sure, you write well about interesting things and get a ton of hits, but let's be honest here... your site is ugly. Seriously, it's just damn ugly. The color scheme and font? Ouch! Also, what's with the narrow middle column? To read your posts you have to scroll, and scroll, and scroll, and scroll. It's like you purposely made the middle column narrow so you could pack more ads in on the sides!

  16. Can we make Rule 5 Sundays, Rule 5 "Everydays"?


  17. At least your troll didn't call your wife by the "c" word and wish for her to die an early and painful death such as my troll wishes for moi...

    Steve - it's about content, not appearance. And, I'm sure Stace will correct me if I'm wrong, the typeface he uses has been proven to be the most easily readable. Why do you think newspapers use it?

  18. I actually like people. It's fun to meet new flesh-and-blood human beings, or to hang out with friends.

    Note Stacy said people Charles. No distinction on race, ethnicity, or national origin.

    I hope Charles that the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future visit you before it is too late. You are a sad miserable man. It does not have to be that way. You can change and be happy.

  19. Anonymous said...
    And by the way, the reason he fails to ever tell people where the "little green footballs" name came from is this: That name, LGF, is slang for when people pick their nose and roll up their boogers, creating "little green footballs." That's not exactly something you want people to know you named your blog after if you want to be taken seriously. He ought to just call his site "smelly brown logs" for god's sake. Or maybe "warm yellow streams," or even "hot raunchy wind."

    Fri Nov 20, 03:13:00 PM

    Charles Johnson used to be named Spaulding Smails and was known for eating his own boogers.

  20. This comments section (and the others here) are a "ghost town"? Well, sorry, Stacy. I should be taking up more space and running the count up for you.

    You really have to admire (read: not admire) some idiot who shows up to criticize, complain and flame, and then signs off as "Anonymous".

  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  22. Started reading you every day about 8 months ago. In all that time, I've posted only one comment. Comments are not measure of readership.

  23. Anonymous said...
    Fri Nov 20, 08:45:00 PM

    1. And I'm the one who's "desperate"? Right.
    2. Are you an environmentalist? Because you sure seem to be diligent about recycling.
    3. Get your own blog, troll -- oh, wait, you already have your own blog, which nobody reads.

  24. So Charles sent Kilgore Trout out on another slander - libel mission? That half-baked California blogger, and his mind-controlled army (well, not army; vassals of a degenerate fiefdom might be closer to truth) of brownie shirts is becoming more futile and desperate in their tomfoolery every time they sally forth. No one reads Monitor Lizard anymore; the only time he gets traffic is when he performs one of these libel ops and people are reminded that he's still out there.

    I give LGF a year or so, before Charles Johnson self-destructs. He'll have to use both hands! )

  25. I used to live near CJ's neighborhood. I got tired of all the lame photos of areas I'd already seen firsthand. The one-note Johnny stuff about Islamofacists was lame, too.

  26. Hee. The 'lizard trolls' phrasing reminds me of the scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, where the hotel bar area becomes filled with lizards in HST's drug-fueled haze:

    "We're right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo! And somebody's giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long before they tear us to shreds. Jesus, look at the floor! Have you ever seen so much blood? How many have they killed already?"

  27. It is always interesting to note the way trolls (at conservative sites) seem to enjoy casting "creative design" aspersions. If you stipulate a Creator, "He" must of necessity exist outside of our Space/Time continuum. Ergo such a Creator could employ evolution as the tool of "his" creative process as easily as a machinist employs a lathe. I understand such thought is too sophisticated for most trolls, requiring appreciation of String Theory and M Theory, which is why their smug sneering amuses so greatly. The self-identified "smartest kid in the class" is wholly unable to understand what a fool he's making of himself.

  28. I have never understood why CJ calls you a 'white supremacist'. Ridiculous.

    RES - I have argued with many a lefty that believing in God and seeing the possibilites in the theory of evolution are not mutually exclusive. They don't listen...

  29. Well said, but largely unecessary to state, Mr. McCain. I rarely comment on blog posts anywhere. When I do, it is usualy to point out a flaw or error in the blogger's logic or stance. I am amazed how frequently the blogger then comments back that I am an "f***ing idiot" or I can't see he's right because I am a "moron". No evidence, no logic, just irrational attacks. If the bloggers were correct, pointing to the evidence would confirm their position. But lacking rational support for their position, all who challenge must be destroyed!
    Such irrational responses to anyone who questions a theory, such as anthropogenic global warming, are hallmarks in science of a weak evidence basis and dubious truth underlying one's theory. This repeats itself in medical science on a regular basis. A theory of claimed benefits of a drug garner billions of dollars for industry; those who challenge the theory are ridiculed by "experts" paid directly and indirectly by Pharma, until the totality of the evidence leads to the collapse of the theory. The true experts who spoke out against the bogus theory have been smeared, while the phony experts walk away rich, and Pharma moves on to its next drug cash cow.

  30. Monica,

    I believe it is the view of the Catholic Church that Darwin got it right. (Some one will correct me if I'm wrong). It is Evangelicals (mostly) who don't like Darwin.

    The Dust up with Galileo caused the church to re-evaluate how it handles science. The Church (praise the lord) is on the side of science.

    I'm of your opinion: Evolution is how the Maker expresses his will.

    I am also of the opinion that the Maker is always talking to us had we only the wit to listen. Of course it could just be my mild schizophrenia talking. But the advice has been good so far (one of the best was when He shouted in my ear - HAVE CHILDREN YOU FOOL).

  31. A few years ago, I remembered feeling surprised and happy to slide in to the LGF during an "open reg" window. After participating for awhile, I started to pick up on the sneering, condescension toward those who believed in God. When CJ banned fjordman (who I followed frequently), something didn't sit right with me. I've only visited on occasion and have been slightly surprised at the amount of people he has banned. (So many, that they started their own site and laugh about it.)

    I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't believe in "creative design." I do have a problem with those who get rude about it. If you're a non-believer, that's your choice. Why spend time criticizing people who believe in something you don't? What's the point, other than to show what a puny, petty, miserable life you lead?

    A wise man said: Small people talk about other people. Average people talk about things. Great people talk about ideas.

    Thoroughly enjoyed your troll whompfest. ;-)

  32. See, you aren't "annoying nobody" since obviously someone was annoyed...