Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It Started with Simple Anatomical Admiration, or, How I Got Lured Into Hanging out with Someone Whom I Believed to be a Wide Supra-Machinist

by Smitty

2008: Genesis
It may not have been my first comment on this blog, but it was close. "Equality Is For Ugly Losers" was the post title of 02Aug08, 14 months and several lifetimes ago. Concise. Direct. Suicidal. This is a blogger with sack, thought I. What if we encourage this behavior? Dispatching da dogs d'alliteration, I commented.

This seemingly innocent jest of a comment upon the shape of things proved the line of demarcation past which the slope gets slippery. Poring over the records meticulously stuffed into a milk crate over in corner of the porch, I see that my first actual meeting with Stacy was 03Oct08, for the screening of "An American Carol". This should have been a huge, red warning sign. The movie was rife with extremism, including that known reactionary, Jon Voight. Yet there was Stacy, finding me in the crowd by means of my USS Constitution ballcap, holding forth hope for an America that will simply never again be. Stacy had other plans.

Early 2009: Evansayeticus
Sure, I chatted Stacy up a bit on Blogger Row at CPAC. In general, it was a great time and one to meet various others who are nearly as notorious. Could one have foreseen it was a set up? No. One can always pour a watery beverage into the rose-colored glasses of 20/20 hindsight, but vodka makes a Cossack limp as it goes under the bridge, they say. Don't they say that? Never mind.

The real trap was sprung at the Headquarters of the Vast Right Wing Legion of Conservative Doom: The Heritage Foundation. I'd been quite a fan of Evan Sayet, based upon his seemingly straightforward 2006 YouTube outing. That was merely a lure. Bait for rubes. Like me. On Evan's blog, he mentioned that he was going to update his talk, a day or so after CPAC. It seemed reasonable to alert Stacy to the event, as I'd been unable to secure his autograph in my copy of Donkey Cons at CPAC. My Freud Proust (first post, for those who aren't Slashdotters) to the blog ensued.

Once Stacy had set the hook, he said "I've got to give you posting rights on the blog."

I replied "You remind me of someone with whom I once got into a lot of trouble."

The OMCL was already targeting me.

Summer 2009: FMJRAtion and Numbers. For example: 5
Writing is bodybuilding. Words are weights. Stacy is Lou Ferrigno with a keyboard. And mad ambitions. "If they bring a link, you bring a reach-around," decreed Stacy. How did I miss the mental instability? Trotting out an army of clone-bots, I found myself feverishly querying Technorati for links, all in the service of Stacy's insane quest for world domination. The FMJRA remains a labor of love and a signature post for this blog. Not content with just that level of browser-busting, Stacy demanded more. A Sunday "Rule 5" post, to show that even a diabolical madman bent on making "Freebird" the National Anthem can still maintain an appreciation for both aesthetics and chicks.

We built upon the steady power of the FMJRA and the Rule 5 Sunday postings. We fed on Stacy's virtuoso forays into verbal sparring with a seemingly endless array of characters on the blogs. We were awed to have been honored not only by Instalanches but even an extremely rare Day-by-Day-lanch. What is this--Stacy's birthday? I was kept in the dark at all times. It was not made clear that all of these hits were feeding the growing power of the Semi-Conscious Liberation Army.

Fall 2009: Don'tellonme
The recent outing of Stacy by a certain Mad Cow as a Wide Supra-Machinist essentially caused the whole plan to 'splode. My head as well. Like a government manufactured firework prematurely and chaotically ejaculating its contents into the sky, the planned takeover of the GOP by clone bots and the SCLA simply crumbled. The dots, once connected, revealed that what the dupes thought was a Toyota Supra fleet was in fact a gaggle of cleverly disguised Chevy Citations with more flaws than the legislation of the current Congress, all held together by bumper stickers. A serious threat to the hegemony of Brooks, Frum, Dreher, and Friedersdorf this sad armada was not. All of the dreams, plans, resources, networks, and, predictably, the loot, simply vanished. The sleeper cells dozed on, oblivious.

Even the best diabolical plans can be tripped up at the last second from an unexpected angle. He would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling Maddow kid.


  1. Writing is bodybuilding. Words are weights. Stacy is Lou Ferrigno with a keyboard.

    It is interesting which bodybuilder you did not choose. This blog could have been named 'The Other Schwarzenegger.' FAIL! So good choice.


    Take that you Discordian!

  3. People actually watch Rachel Maddow? I thought she was pulling a smaller audience than ShamWow infomercials @0400 on FNC.

  4. Figures if somebody was going to follow all that, it was going to be Steve.

  5. This looks like some sort of gathering of raaaaacists and Wide Supermachinists, like its some sort of clan or something, if only there were a liberal here to give it a name.