Sunday, August 9, 2009

The First Post on the First Day
of the Rest of an Intern's Life

By Myers, the Blog Intern
  • 1230 Hours: First Contact of the First Day of the Rest of an Intern’s Life.
Mr. Other McCain makes contact with myself, the unsuspecting Blog Intern, to meet him at an undisclosed location somewhere North of the Mason Dixon Line. While to some this may be unsettling I accept the location and agree to meet him at 1400 hours.
  • 1430 Hours: ETA?
Mr. Other McCain inquires to my whereabouts, as I am still nowhere to be found. I subsequently apologize for the inching socialism that had required me to utilize the WMATA. The question becomes, why would we want the Federal Leviathan to run health care when they can’t run a train. After waiting for over a half-hour for a train, I am notified halfway through my trip that the train I was riding was out of service. In keeping my rationality that I am thinking therefore I am this cannot be logical. The government is telling me the train on which I am currently riding is out of service, yet it is clearly moving forward. I cannot wait to hear that line from a doctor one day, but I guess I won’t worry to much as I aspire to be a lifelong senator someday!
  • 1445 Hours: Rendezvous
Mr. Other McCain and the Blog Intern have rendezvoused at an undisclosed location North of the Mason Dixie Line on file to confuse the liberals as to the whereabouts of our vast right wing safe houses in hostile areas.
  • 1500 Hours: Two conservatives in a car . . . we must agree on everything?
The conversations on the drive are indicative of the Conservative movement as a whole. While agreeing in large part that government is the problem not the answer, there is the occasional debate that occurs between the two of us. One such debate is over how to solve the immigration problem within the USSA. The final decision between the two of us is that regardless of the outcome, amnesty for any female rating over a 7.5 should be incorporated into any true "reform." Possibly Obama could make this suggestion at his two-day vacation . . . excuse me, two-day summit with Canada and Mexico in Guadalajara. (Mr. Other McCain recommends the "donkey show," whatever that is.)
  • 1530 Hours: Arrival at the undisclosed location of the vast right wing conspiracy.
The mansion within which we sit is the epitome of a hard workingman living the capitalist dream without the impediment of the federal government. The wine flows like water here and the air is soaked in the aroma of rum-infused cigars.
  • 1600 Hours: Getting down to work.
What does an intern for Mr. Other McCain do? Whatever the Man Says! This sounds eerily familiar to the exact opposite of what my public, leftist education told me. Working for free meals and the occasional drink is slavery! Am I a mere slave working here as the Blog Intern? Logic would tell me yes! Logic would also tell me that the economy and its very visible hand drove me to this dire situation. Was not the purpose of my liberal education to advance me within society by providing security, knowledge, and work? Yet any work I would get, if there were high paying liberal jobs to be had working in community organizations such as ACORN, would be a losing prospect with the constant printing of currency at the Fed. In the end, I realize working for absolutely no money is about the same as currently working for a devalued currency that is worth less with every Cash for Clunker traded in. (Mr. Other McCain advises that the 13th Amendment said nothing about white-boy interns.)
  • 1700 Hours: The harassment file . . .
Mr. Other McCain is constantly glancing at this blog post like our Congress reads bills. He demeans me constantly with a barrage of insults that would make the NAACP represent a poor white boy. I will record such insults to possibly bank on them one day much like a California tax credit for a future lawsuit. I contemplated the filing of a complaint just now as Mr. Other McCain asserted the superiority of his wisdom over me, but isn’t the whole point of internment . . . excuse me, I mean interning slavery? To prove slavery dead don’t forget to tip that jar so I can stop the utilization of government controlled trains!



  1. Hilarious!

    Reminds me of the Seinfeld where Kramer has the intern: Kramerica Industries, a solitary man in a messy apartment

  2. You. Lucky. Bastard. I've gone from "We're not WORTHYYYYYY" to "Take me! Take MEEEEE!" in the time it took to read your (very good, some gramatical errors but very clever) article.

    I'm a 50 year old lawyer and I'd take your place if given half a chance. Be an apprentice to a god among mortals. Learn. Then prance about as a white knight on a steed, seeking to do good.

  3. McCain!

    What the hell is going on down there? You let a pee-on intern ride to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Safe House without putting a bag over his head???!!

    For gawd's sake wave that 'memory eraser' thingy over his eyes or I'm gonna have to send him out on a hunting trip with Cheney.

    Get your act together, man!

  4. first rule of blog interning:


    BTW. If this truly IS the first, congratulation; not bad, I chuckled a little bit and generally was amused. Always a good sign. Next post needs to show your "serious journalist" chops.

  5. Hi Myers. Can you kindly let Mr. Other McCain know that someone is in need of a fresh fisking? Thanks!

  6. Seriously, Steve. This is why we can't give McCain his own flashy thingy.

  7. Yeah, Jimmie, I need to borrow that thing to erase the memory of Stacy in that speedo.

    Obama must have one 'cause it seems a lot of people have no recollection of what he said last week.

  8. JOHN DOE WROTE: I'm a 50 year old lawyer and I'd take your place if given half a chance.

    Our conversations mostly consist of:

    ME: "Get me another cup of coffee, kid."
    MYERS: "But . . . I'm supposed to be learning the secrets of Web 2.0 entrepreneurial journalism . . ."
    ME: "Web 2.0, my foot! Did you tell 'em to hit the tip jar?"
    MYERS: "Well, no, I was researching about . . ."
    ME: "Research? Research! I got T-shirts older than you, kid! Tell 'em to hit the tip jar!"

  9. Let me suggest a little edit.

    ME? "Research?" *picks up cane...err...Intern Training Implement* "Research?" *WHACK* "I'll show you research you impudent whelp!" *WHACK*"
    MYERS: "But Conor Freidersdorf said..."
    ME: *WHACK* "To Hades with Freidersdorf! I have T-shirts older than the both of you combined! Now fetch me my coffee!"
    MYERS: "Y...yessir."

    In the role of Stacy I'm imagining a cross between Pappy O'Daniel ("O Brother Where Art Thou") and C. Montgomery Burns.

  10. Myers, my goodness - wit, charm and smarts all in your first post. Pace yourself!

  11. Myers,

    Improper use of the reflexive in paragraph one. RSM did not meet "myself", he met ME.

    Stacy, if you haven't given him fifty lashes already, I shall be extremely disappointed.


    The "Navy D-Bag" from Smittypalooza

  12. Ahoy ahoy! Stacey claims that is how one should greet the online blogosphere. Thank you for the warm welcome . . . I have to go fetch coffee and a Klondike bar for Mr. Other McCain now!

  13. Good to see Stacy receiving some help.

    So what are your tasks besides going for smokes and trolling for new Christina Henricks pictures?

    Nice to meet you, Myers.

  14. Welcome to the nuthouse, Myers. You couldn't have picked a better one.

    Oh, and Steve, don't mention the Speedo. Remember - the first rule about the Speedo is that you don't talk about the Speedo. If you do, he posts it again and everybody's retinas are scalded (again). The new ObamaKomradeKare doesn't cover that.

  15. Stacy,

    Don't listen to those men, they're only jealous. I thought the "Speedo" pic was delightful!

  16. BTW.....please DO post the "Speedo" pic again. It's getting way too time consuming to have to go back and dig out the last one.

    Your Feminine Fans.....;-)