Kentucky Killing: More Sparkman theories

BTW, I've seen the fax that contains this theory and figured it was from a complete nut, but JSH at Unusual Kentucky decides to fisk it anyway:

Things just keep getting weirder in the case of Bill Sparkman, a U.S. Census worker whose corpse was found tied, naked and asphyxiated by a rope in Clay County's Hoskins Cemetery.
The Times-Tribune is reporting that they've received a fax regarding Sparkman titled "I Did It" which seems to state that he was killed because he was working for the Federal Government. The fax has been turned over to the FBI. . . .
Fascinating as it sounds, I really can't buy the theory that Sparkman was romping around naked in cemeteries performing acts of Carradine-style sexual self-asphyxiation. . . .

SPECIAL REPORT: Death in Clay County, Part I

UPDATE on the Kentucky Killing: 'We Don't Even Know What We Don't Know'

Because law enforcement officials are being extremely circumspect in discussing the death of Bill Sparkman -- whose nude body was found Sept. 12 in the Hoskins family cemetery near Arnetts Fork Road in Clay County, Ky. -- the absence of information has led to extremely irresponsible speculation.

I'm working on a very long, detailed account of the case based on my trip to Kentucky, but I had to lay that aside for a while today when I saw a grossly misleading story in Newsweek. This prompted me to whip out a quick 861 words for The American Spectator:

"He knocked on the wrong door," was the way one resident described what most locals familiar with the case consider the most likely scenario for Sparkman's killing. As the Newseek story notes, eastern Kentucky is known as a haven of marijuana growers. The weed growers plant their crops in Daniel Boone National Forest, which sprawls across the mountainous region and encompasses half of Clay County.
What would be proven if we knew (as we do not) that Sparkman was engaged in Census work at the time of his disappearance -- most likely Sept. 9, three days before his body was discovered in the Hoskins family cemetery some 30 miles east of his home -- and "knocked on the wrong door"?
If the fatal door he knocked on was at the home of a marijuana grower or a drug dealer (methamphetamine and other drugs are also problems in the region), who killed him after mistaking Sparkman's federal identification as evidence that the stranger was a narcotics agent, is that an "anti-government" or "anti-Census" motive? Or is it merely a criminal seeking to prevent detection of his crimes -- the kind of killing that happens with unfortunate frequency in America all the time?
That, however, is strictly a hypothetical scenario. The haste of some journalists and bloggers to attribute Sparkman's mysterious death to a particular motive -- to give it a political meaning -- based on speculation and assumptions, is irresponsible in the extreme. . . .

Read the whole thing. A smart reporter never burns his sources, so I can't identify the Kentucky journalist who this past week exclaimed to me in exasperation: "We don't know anything. Hell, we don't even know what we don't know."

Which is why it was perhaps a fortunate coincidence that a "top Hayekian public intellectual" drove more than 500 miles to spend three days gathering information about the Sparkman case. Students of Friedrich Hayek know how the Nobel Prize-winning economist emphasized that information is diffused widely among the population, so that no "expert" or group of experts can ever claim to have complete knowledge in any given field. The failure of intellectuals to recognize the limits of their own expertise leads to harmful preconceptions and myths, as Greg Ransom has explained.

The Hayekian insight has utility far beyond the field of economics. Appreciating the value of unknown facts -- information beyond our immediate knowledge, which may actually be more important than the facts we do know -- is essential to a genuinely objective pursuit of truth.

The lazy assumption that we know all we need to know, that there cannot be any unknown facts that contradict the beliefs we form on the basis of partial information, is the basis of far too many mistaken beliefs. I've already reported how stereotypes of rural Kentuckians as backward, ignorant and impoverished have resulted in a misleading portrayal of the decent, hard-working, law-abiding citizens of Clay County. (Let's don't even get into the Kelsee Brown angle.) And now we see how a too-eager desire to cast Bill Sparkman's death as a political symbol is leading to assumptions that may be equally misinformed.

It's a free country, which means everyone is free to speculate how and why Bill Sparkman died. But ill-informed speculation and assumptions are no substitute for facts, and there are still too many unknown facts for anyone to pretend to know the motives of whoever put Sparkman's body in that cemetery.

If the editors of Newsweek don't want to pay for solid, sensible, accurate reporting, they need to grab themselves a fresh, hot cup of delicious STFU.

Hit the tip jar, y'all. My wife won't like this one bit, but if I can collect another $500 in the Shoe Leather Reporting Fund, I'll go back to Kentucky and keep after this story until folks in Clay County award me honorary hillbilly status.

UPDATE: Jimmie Bise at Sundries Shack calls the Newsweek story "Another Steaming Pile of MSM Journalism," and we've got ourselves a Rule 3 opportunity with a Memeorandum thread.

UPDATE II: Yehuda the Rhetorican:

Newsweek -- like much of the Legacy Media -- needs to become re-acquainted with the importance of shoe leather to quality journalism. And I don’t mean it needs a kick in the @$$, although it certainly does.

Speaking of which, how about some kicking rock 'n' roll?

UPDATE III: Linked in Left Coast Rebel's roundup and . . . Well, the Tampa Tribune had an interesting profile of Bill Sparkman. I didn't want to "go there," but as Dan Riehl points out, the speculation that Sparkman was gay has been bouncing around all over the 'sphere for days. Dan e-mailed to mention this to me, and I replied that many people in Clay and Laurel counties suspected that, at the very least, Sparkman had homosexual tendencies. NTTAWWT.

As I told Dan, the problem is that we have no idea whether Sparkman's sexuality (whatever it was, and all I know is what people in Kentucky told me) had anything to do with his disappearance and death. It might be relevant or not. At any rate, that Tampa story is full of very strong suggestions that my Kentucky sources have reasonbly accurate "gaydar."

We await Andrew Sullivan's next hysterical post claiming that Sparkman was a victim of hillbilly homophobia.

UPDATE IV: Paco points out exactly why the Newsweek story sticks in my craw: While I'm driving more than 1,300 round-trip in a 2004 KIA to report this story, Eve Conant gets paid a full-time salary to sit around writing a 1,700-word essay that concludes:

The Census Bureau field-training manual advises employees on everything from walking only in lighted areas to staying away from political issues, especially when someone is hostile: "Do not defend yourself or the government with respondents who say they hate you and all government employees. Indicate that you regret this opinion and express a desire to provide them with a positive experience." Perhaps Bill Sparkman wasn't given the time to follow that sage advice.

Perhaps. And perhaps the staff of Newsweek could take up a collection at their office, so they could buy a clue as to why they're losing credibility.

UPDATE V: Speaking of "losing credibility," Charles Johnson and the few remaining unbanned denizens of LGF Lizardland are going bonkers over Dan Riehl and "the ghey."

Thanks to Bob Belevedere for his latest aggregation.

'You'd be surprised what some of these morons write on the Internet'

Actually, I'm not surprised at all, but I'm grateful the guy who answered the phone was willing to talk when he got a call from me past 10 p.m. on a Saturday. My brief report for The American Spectator:

"Yes, we are concerned about what people are saying on the blogs," a Kentucky law enforcement official said Saturday night, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The murder of Bill Sparkman in Clay County, Ky., has caused bloggers to engage in widespread speculation about the motive for the killing. Sparkman was employed part-time conducting a Census Bureau survey. . . .
The Kentucky State Police are coordinating the investigation of Sparkman's death. Trooper First Class Don Trosfer, based in the agency's London, Ky., Post 11 is the official spokesman for the investigation, but was unavailable for comment late Saturday.
Another law-enforcement source, not authorized to speak about the case, said state and local officials are working closely with the FBI on the investigation. Internet gossip is a source of concern, he said.
"You'd be surprised what some of these morons write on the Internet . . . that they wouldn't say to somebody's face," the official said in a brief telephone interview. . . .

Read the whole story. Two phone calls and a little research was all it took to get that story. Oh, by the way: Bill Sparkman worked for a decade as a reporter in his native Florida. He deserves some decent journalism, and not baseless rumor-mongering.

UPDATE 1:50 a.m.: Well, folks, it looks like I'm going to be Kentucky-bound to cover this story in person -- another one of those double-dog-dare-ya adventures in shoe-leather reporting.

Thanks to TB in North Carolina, BD in Maryland, AL in Rhode Island, a big thanks to JS in Virginia, and a huge thanks to Nathan in Missouri, the Shoe Leather Reporting Fund quickly collected enough to get me to Kentucky and back.

Additional contributions are welcome, to enable me to extend this trip. Just got off the phone with the lady at the desk of a hotel near I-75, about 20 miles from Manchester, Ky. A single room is about $95 per night, tax included. If you figure 2 packs of smokes/day at $5 each, five cups coffee/day at $2 each, continental breakfast comes with the room, so two meals/day at $5 each -- the basic daily expenses come to $125. Of course, I've got regular bills to pay, but I'll worry about that later.

Just think about Andrew Sullivan sitting there in Pathum, Thailand -- I'm not kidding -- lecturing Michelle Malkin (!) on conservatism:

By the way, there is nothing conservative about Southern populism.

OK, Sully, enjoy your Thai holiday, while I get my 2004 KIA ready for a 500-mile road trip to Clay County, Kentucky (Monday's forecast for Manchester, Ky.: High 70F, low 47F, cloudy, 20% chance of rain) and let me show you how it's done. You just go on back to speculating about Sarah Palin's uterus and leave Kentucky to me.

C'mon, dear brothers, can I get an "amen"?

CORRECTION: I don't think Sully's actually in Thailand. His "View From Your Window" feature seems to be about readers e-mailing him photos of the view from thir windows, rather than his own global photographic travelogue.

My mistake and I'm happy to correct it. Harvard-educated, obstretric-obsessive, AIDS-infected, dope-smoking British immigrants don't have a monopoly on jumping to incorrect conclusions, you know.

BTW, some people have a crazy hunch this Kentucky thing might involve teenagers and the horrorcore rap scene. Maybe they're wrong about that, too . . .

'Southern populist terrorism' UPDATED: Send me to Kentucky?

BUMPED 7:55 p.m. for UPDATE BELOW

ORIGINAL 6:50 p.m.: A Harvard diploma qualifies Andrew Sullivan to conduct investigative journalism in Kentucky from his beach home in Provincetown, Mass., or perhaps from his pied-a-terre in D.C.:

If this was a revenge murder for stumbling upon a meth lab or pot plantation, it’s hard to understand why such a big deal would be made out of his census identification card. It’s possible, I suppose, that anger at the feds in general could make a drug dealer murder a census worker. But the most worrying possibility – that this is Southern populist terrorism, whipped up by the GOP and its Fox and talk radio cohorts – remains real.

Via Alberto Hurtado at Southern Appeal, and thanks to the anonymous tipster. I will refrain from comment at this time, as Alabama is busy whuppin' the ever-lovin' hawgs#*t out of Arkansas. Roll, Tide, Roll!

UPDATE 7:55 p.m.: Alabama 35, Arkansas 7, with Crimson Tide QB McElroy completing 17/24 for 291 yds and 3 TDs, including a shwwwweet razzle-dazzle to Julio Jones. Alabama's win in its SEC opener at Tuscaloosa was the 10th consecutive home-field victory for the Tide, now 4-0 and ranked No. 3 nationally.

That's what's called reporting, as opposed to the prejudiced Ivy League elitist speculations of Andrew Sullivan. The following is also reporting, datelined from Big Creek, Ky.:

It was a bizarre and gruesome discovery in a remote section of eastern Kentucky: Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old teacher and part-time worker for the United States Census, was found two weeks ago hanging from a tree with the word "Fed" scrawled on his chest in felt tip pen.
A man who said he was among those who found the body told tells the Associated Press that Sparkman was naked, bound at the hands and feet with duct tape and gagged - details that have not yet been confirmed by authorities.
Jerry Weaver of Ohio told the Associated Press he was visiting a cemetery in rural Kentucky with family members on Sept. 12 when he, his wife and daughter saw the body.
"The only thing he had on was a pair of socks," Weaver said. "And they had duct-taped his hands, his wrists. He had duct tape over his eyes, and they gagged him with a red rag or something.
"He was murdered," Weaver said. "There's no doubt."
Weaver said the body was about 50 yards from a 2003 Chevrolet S-10 pickup truck.

OK, this is evidently murder in Kentucky, not suicide. Motive unknown. Big Creek, Ky., is a 500-mile drive from here. I could easily drive it in eight hours. I had plans to attend an event Sunday in Virginia, and had expected to go to D.C. this coming week to follow up on the latest IG-Gate developments.

However, if my readers would prefer me to teach Andrew Sullivan a lesson in journalism, feel free to hit the tip jar. Figure 1,200 miles travel round-trip, at 25 cents per mile, that's $300. Five meals at $5/each, that's another $25. A carton of smokes, $50; ten cups of coffee, $20. If you add $125/night for a hotel room, I could make it a two-day trip for $500.

C'mon, readers, you want me to put some shoe leather on this story, or what? If this is really "Southern populist terrorism," who better than me to get the scoop? So if the tip jar contributions between now and Sunday evening reach $300, I'll take it for granted that the rest will come through while I'm on the road. I could be filing reports with a Kentucky dateline by Monday noon.

UPDATE 10:03 P.M: Just wanted to apologize to co-blogger Smitty. In bumping for the update, not realizing what time he had scheduled his own next post, I accidentally jumped right on top of his report (with photos) from today's Green Tea Party in D.C.

What infuriates me about Andrew Sullivan, if I may elaborate, is his arrogant laziness, an insult to hard-working people who actually do reporting (or half-way decent blogging, for that matter).

Do you suppose that Sully might do a Google search, find the phone number of the appropriate law enforcement authorities in Kentucky, and make a freaking phone call? Well, if you suppose such a thing, you suppose too much.

"Hi, this is Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic Monthly," is a phrase that no law enforcement officer in Kentucky will ever hear, because Sully's too damned important to be bothered with doing any actual reporting. So much more easy to sit in front of your laptop and tell us What It Means, as if you're the only person who can pull a theory out of thin air.

Sigh. Here, I'll let William Jacobson take over a while:

Think Progress, which never met a fact it couldn't twist, blames Michelle Bachmann's expressions of concerns over the intrusive nature of the Census for the death. Steve Benen at Washington Monthly spreads the blame around to Bachmann, Glenn Beck and Neil Boortz. While acknowledging that there is no real proof of anything, Benen ends with the transparently false hope "that their reckless and irresponsible rhetoric did not have deadly consequences."

Sparkman is dead, evidently murdered. This we know. What we don't know, we don't know, and until we do know, how about everybody grab a fresh hot cup of STFU?

If it turns out that Sparkman was lynched by the Clay County Glenn Beck Palinista Wing Nut Militia, OK. If it turns out he was murdered by dope growers or 'shiners, OK. If it turns out he was murdered for perverse motives by some toothless inbred banjo-picker who thought Sparkman bore a fetching resemblance to Ned Beatty, OK.

But if you're not going to do any reporting, Andrew, your baseless speculation about the Sparkman murder is as far from actual journalism as your idiotic obstetric theorizing about Trig Palin.

BTW, No. 5 Penn State 10, Iowa 5, with 13:24 left in the third quarter. That's a fact.

UPDATE 10:14 p.m.: (Smitty)
Whip me, flog me, deliver the abuse I crave.

UPDATE 12:01 p.m. RSM: Two phone calls, about an hour's worth of research and writing -- being an honest-to-God reporter isn't exactly rocket science, if you aren't hindered by an Ivy League education and elitist snobbery.

Hanged Census worker possible suicide; AP's anonymous source wrong?

When this news was first reported, I warned:

Drug dealers and 'shiners are notoriously hostile toward anyone snooping around, and Sparkman may well have stumbled onto some sort of criminal situation. . . .
Let's wait to see what law enforcement discovers before jumping to any kind of politicized Let's-Blame-Glenn-Beck speculation.

And now, via Hot Air, comes this interesting bit of news:

Trosper said the initial AP story on the death contains “flaws and errors.” That means it’s possible that the AP’s claim, based on an anonymous source, that he had the word “fed” scrawled on his chest could be false. Asked if that were the case, Trosper declined to comment.

In other words, don't believe everything you read. There are a couple of old newsroom sayings that apply here:

• The story too good to check. That is to say, a story which is so awesomely perfect in its illustration of some idea, you don't double-check to make sure the basic facts are right. If you're familiar with the Stephen Glass saga at The New Republic, you know how Glass cleverly fabricated stories about thuggish Republicans, selfish dot-com entrepreneurs, etc., which perfectly fit the preconceived biases of his liberal editors. Beware of this kind of "just so" story.
• If your mother says she loves you, check it out. Skepticism and attention to detail are vital to good news reporting. Spending 10 years as a news editor at The Washington Times, I often had to check to make sure that if a reporter wrote about Rep. Joe Jones (D-Texas), that Jones was actually a Democrat, actually from Texas, and actually was named Joe Jones and not James Jones or John James. Reporters sometimes get in a hurry and get things wrong, and if you forget to fact-check the small stuff, you're taking big risks, because sometimes the most significant clue that a story is essentially wrong is the presence of a few bogus "facts."

When the "fed" note was reported in the headline of the AP story, based on an anonymous source, the Associated Press was investing a lot of credibility in that one nameless source.

Ed O'Keefe of the Washington Post -- who has done solid reporting on IG-Gate, by the way -- clarifies the misimpressions created by the AP story:

State and federal law enforcement officials on Thursday dismissed the suggestion from a news service report that the man, William Sparkman, 51, may have been targeted because he worked for the federal government, calling that speculative. . . .
"I think to give this impression that he was strung up because he was a federal employee is giving a bad impression to the nation," said David Beyer, spokesman for the FBI field office in Louisville, which is working with state officials on the investigation.

True story: Early one Saturday morning in 1996, it was my turn in the rotation of staffers at the Rome (Ga.) News-Tribune to travel down to Atlanta and cover the scene at the Olympics. Turned on the TV and saw that a bomb had gone off in Centennial Park the night before. Soon, anonymous "officials" were quoted pointing the finger of blame at security guard Richard Jewell -- and they were wrong.

Jewell, it turned out, was something of a hero who actually helped victims at the bombing scene. The perpetrator was domestic terrorist Eric Rudolph. And yet, based on anonymous "officials," the national media spent the next several days depicting Jewell as the presumptive bomber. An injustice inflicted on an innocent man by a too-credulous media.

If your mother says she loves you, check it out.

More at Memeorandum.

Report: Census worker hanged

Bizarre:

The FBI is investigating whether anti-government sentiment led to the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery. A law enforcement official told The Associated Press the word "fed" was scrawled on
the dead man's chest. . . .

The victim has been identified as 51-year-old Bill Sparkman. My immediate curiosity is whether this had something to do with a moonshine or drug operation, rather than "anti-government sentiment." Drug dealers and 'shiners are notoriously hostile toward anyone snooping around, and Sparkman may well have stumbled onto some sort of criminal situation.

My friend David Weigel (Sharmuta: "What?") wants to blame . . . Eric Cantor? Nudge, nudge. Let's wait to see what law enforcement discovers before jumping to any kind of politicized Let's-Blame-Glenn-Beck speculation.

(Hat-tip: Memeorandum.)

UPDATE: Speculation from the Lizard Kingdom:

9 Sharmuta
9/23/2009 9:53:35 pm PDT 1downupreport
Any comment from Michele Bachmann's office?

74 Charles
9/23/2009 10:13:48 pm PDT 4downupreport
The more I think about it, the more I doubt that this was a simple drug-related killing. It's not their style at all. They would just take the body and bury it in some backwoods area where it would never be found, or sink it in a lake, or something similar. It makes no sense to stage what seems like a political statement, unless there was a political motive.

No doubt about it, Inspector Javert: The Flemish Menace!

Interview with Doug Giles, whose daughter Hannah helped take down ACORN

In wake of the news that the Census Bureau has cut ties withe ACORN, I posted this at The American Spectator:

I just got off the phone with Christian youth leader Doug Giles, whose 20-year-old daughter played the role of the prostitute "Kenya" in the now-famous videos.
"A lot of young activists just caught fire," said Giles. "I'd like to take credit, but it was all Hannah."
Giles said he has received an overwhelming response, entirely positive except for one negative e-mail from a "knucklehead."
As for the "community organizer" group exposed by the video at Andrew Breitbart's BigGovernment.com, Giles said jokingly, "Those ACORN people are sweating in their nut-sacks."

Read the whole thing. Meanwhile, Michelle Malkin has text of the letter from the director of the Census Bureau to ACORN:

"Over the last several months, through ongoing communication with our regional offices, it is clear that ACORN's affiliation with 2010 Census promotion has caused sufficient concern in the general public, has ineed become a distraction from our mission, and may even become a discouragement to public cooperation, negatively impacting 2010 Census efforts. While not decisive factors in this decision, recent events concerning several local offices of ACORN have added to the worsening negative perceptions of ACORN and its affiliation with our partnership efforts. . . . We no longer have confidence that our national partnership agreement is being effectively managed through your offices."

Hasta la vista, dirtbags! BigGovernment.com has an official statement from the executive dirtbags at ACORN, and there's much more reaction at Memeorandum.

UPDATE: Ruh-roh. Jeff Quinton tipped me about this yesterday, and now Jeff follows up with this:

STATEMENT OF STATE’S ATTORNEYS OFFICE FOR BALTIMORE CITY RELATIVE TO THE ALLEGED BALTIMORE ACORN INCIDENT
Baltimore, MD – September 11, 2009 – We have received inquiries from citizens and the media asking whether the Baltimore City State’s Attorneys Office would initiate a criminal investigation for acts allegedly committed at ACORN offices located in Baltimore. The only information received in reference to this alleged criminal behavior was a YouTube video. Upon review by this office, the video appears to be incomplete. In addition, the audio portion could possibly have been obtained in violation of Maryland Law, Annotated Code of Maryland Courts and Judicial Proceedings Article §10-402, which requires two party consent.
If it is determined that the audio portion now being heard on YouTube was illegally obtained, it is also illegal under Maryland Law to willfully use or willfully disclose the content of said audio. The penalty for the unlawful interception, disclosure or use of it is a felony punishable up to 5 years.

WBAL is also reporting this angle. Such a prosecution would be a public-relations disaster for the state, for Democrats and for ACORN, but when liberals get a jones for vengeance, they don't usually care about such things. Just ask Linda Tripp.

UPDATE II: Evidently, Hot Air and Ace of Spades were on it first, but I saw it via Jeff Quinton's Inside Charm City, which is why I credited him. Also blogging at Weasel Zippers. Will update if further developments.

BTW, I'm told Hannah Giles will be on Fox News' "Red Eye" tonight, and Ann Coulter will also be a guest.

UPDATE III: Michelle Malkin is on the story, and Ed Morrissey has the lowdown on the state's attorney in Baltimore, Patricia Jessamy, a liberal Democrat hack -- as might be expected. That's why they call them "Baltimorons," after all.

Notice that when Fox News covers ACORN, that's raaaaacist. However, when the Washington Post is compelled to follow up on the news . . . crickets chirping.

Also, as Little Miss Attila points out, I do have Hannah Giles bikini photos. I already own the Google bomb, but haven't decided yet whether to post the actual photos. My dilemma is this: Knowing that the photos exist, what happens if some sleazy leftoid site gets hold of them and posts them first? In such a scenario, by being "too nice," I would inadvertantly allow a liberal dirtbag to get all that lucrative traffic -- and the liberal dirtbag would (a) put the photos in a negative context, and (b) allow a lot of nasty comments.

Many people have observed of the ACORN situation that the stunning thing in all this was how anyone could be so stupid as to believe that someone as nice as Hannah would be a prostitute. Even with the giant green plastic earrings and slinky skirt.

UPDATE IV (Saturday 10:45 a.m): I'm off to Washington today to cover the 9/12 March on DC. Just in case an emergency arises, a post with the Hannah Giles bikini photo is already queued up in draft, and one call to Smitty . . . Well, I hope we don't have to do it, but it would be wrong to let some liberal dirtbag get that traffic.

ACORN Now Developing Anti-Fraud Program Called 'Know Your Ho'(UPDATED: BREAKING NEWS)

UPDATE 9/18: Fired ACORN Baltimore workers to sue; PLUS: Hannah Giles Bikini Update.

BUMPED 6:45 PM ET: Census Bureau severs ties with ACORN; more updates below!

* * * * *

PREVIOUSLY (11:54 a.m.): A surge of Google-search hits informs me that lots of people are trying to find photos of Hannah Giles who specializes in exposing fraud at ACORN by posing as a teenage hooker named "Kenya." Because I posted a photo of Hannah at this summer's YAF conference, I'm getting a lot of that traffic.

ACORN staffers are probably trying to find a photo of Hannah and will soon be putting up posters in their offices to make sure Miss Giles does not fool them again. I wanted to do my part for "community organizing," so . . .

UPDATE: The commenters asking me for Hannah Giles bikini photos have, besides giving me cause to grab that Google bomb, reminded me to send a congratulatory note to my Facebook friend Doug Giles, Hannah's father. Hannah and my oldest daughter are the same age, so I know how proud he must be of Hannah's work -- the Census Bureau just severed ties with ACORN -- and also suspect he's just a wee bit uncomfortable about her sudden fame.

As for the bikini pics, I know they exist because I've seen them on Facebook. One of my friends vacationed with the Giles family in Florida, posting photos. I'll look for them, but I warn you: Doug Giles will kill any commenter who says anything untoward about his girl.

UPDATE II: Well, I still haven't found those bikini pics, but I think my conservative friends will appreciate this next photo. First of all, both of Doug's daughters are martial-arts black belts. Yes, I said both daughters, because here is a photo of Doug with Hannah's younger sister, giving you an idea of what the Giles family does for fun:

See that wild hog? Guess who shot it? The girl. Doug informs us that Hannah's little sister killed "a big boar 225lbs, with 3-inch teeth, that she shot on a dead run at 40yds."

And you know what? I'm thinking maybe you guys should just forget about the bikini pictures, eh? Anybody want to argue otherwise? Argue respectfully.

UPDATE III: The requested photos have been located. I'm thinking that posting the photos -- which might incur the righteous wrath of the well-armed Doug Giles -- would require as a minimal condition the following three agreements:

• This post must be linked by all my blogger buddies;
• There must be solemn vows of respect and decorum in the comments, as Miss Giles is a devout Christian young lady; and
• Something else . . . I forgot.

What could it be?

UPDATE IV: Just did a phone interview with Doug Giles.