Friday, May 8, 2009

As Tony Fontaine said to Scarlett . . .

"My God, Scarlett O'Hara!" said Tony peevishly. "When I start out to cut somebody up, you don't think I'll be satisfied with scratching him with the blunt side of my knife, do you? No, by God, I cut him to ribbons."
-- Gone With The Wind

Dear Matthew Yglesias:
You have lately accosted my friends in a most unjust manner. That you linked me in the course of attacking Glenn Beck is of no import. I've never met Mr. Beck and owe him nothing, and you were at least tolerably civil toward me, which is more than I could reasonably expect, given the current norms of political discourse.

What troubled me, sir, was your description of my friend William Jacobson as "humorless" because he objected to your use of the term "breeders" to describe traditionalists.

Thank you, however, for the intimate revelation that you are a "hetero-American." This is a startling admission to hear from a Harvard graduate. Apparently, the regime of compulsory homosexuality at Cambridge still hasn't reached its Stalinist stage, and some few furtive Trotskyite heretics are still permitted in the Yard. (This is no place to discuss the Pol Pots of Penn or the Castros of Cornell.)

Neverthless, you should know that last night I prepared to eviscerate you today. Like an experienced butcher, however, I began by properly whetting my blade. And then I checked my SiteMeter, which was your salvation.

For I discovered that I had been linked by Conservative Grapevine, which also had a link to a column by Matt Lewis: "Top 10 Most Annoying Republicans." Given the nature of my morning's work, this beckoned my attention, where I was stunned to discover Mr. Lewis citing a most unexpected authority:

"To the best of my knowledge we're talking about a young woman who's never accomplished anything or held a job."
-- Matthew Yglesias, April 20, 2008
Let all the congregation say, "Amen!" Therefore, I hope my good friend Professor Jacobson will forgive me if I not only sheath my knife, but extend to you a congratulatory handshake. No man who detests Meghan McCain can be all bad, and if you'll go at her another time or two -- which sources say is more than even the most devoted hetero-American fellows can generally manage -- perhaps I'll even buy you a beer sometime soon.

By grace are men saved, and not by their own merit. Pray you never lack a guardian angel like Matt Lewis.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers. Is the professor . . . overcompensating? Kind of like Cynthia Yockey with the big wiener? Also: The mighty Paco-lanche!


  1. TYPO: "the bluny side of my knife." I think you meant blunt.

  2. Someone "...who's never accomplished anything or held a job."??

    Oh now I get it! Meghan McCain! I thought Yglesias was referring to Michelle Obama, or BHO for that matter.

    I was about to nominate him for an Yglesias award...

  3. All right, Robert - I hold you personally responsible for ruining my day. I followed the link to Yglesias and that's when I made my first mistake of the day. I started to read the comments. Oy vey (is it racist to say that?), those liberals are a bit nuts and it actually scares me to read some of that stuff.

    I could feel my chest tightening up with an impending anxiety attack as I scanned that drivel.

    Hope your eyes are getting better.

  4. "To the best of my knowledge we're talking about a young woman who's never accomplished anything or held a job."In short, a perfect Democratic candidate for weighty office.