Rumors too good to deny

For the record, I can neither confirm nor deny the following Internet rumors:

• Jason Pye was the winning bidder when the Georgia Libertarian Party held a "Skinny Dipping With Bob Barr" fundraiser at its state convention.
• My close personal friend Terry McAuliffe has endorsed my proposal to have Abu Zadayah and Khalid Shaikh Mohammed beaten to death at the Texas State Fair on pay-per-view TV.
• Ross Douthat and David Brooks got into a screaming match over who deserved most credit for the New York Times winning five Pulitzers.
• Megan McCain once slept with every member of the Sigma Nu fraternity at Columbia University in exchange for a large pepperoni pizza.
• I am a neo-Confederate lesbian.

None of these rumors can be accepted as factual, but neither can they be dismissed as pure speculation.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ed Driscoll, I will now deny having anything to do with the notorious "Pickle Surprise" video. However, I can confirm that Melissa Clouthier is doing Twitter matchmaking between Allahpundit and Meghan McCain. Oh, and Andy Levy of "Red Eye" is playing Allah's wingman. I think they're about to perform a Twitter duet of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling."