Friday, March 27, 2009

Gay people should stay single

Excuse me, but I saw this headline:
McCain strategist endorses
same-sex marriage

Schmidt urges GOP to be
more welcoming of gays
To which I must obviously reply:
The Other McCain doesn't
endorse this trendy nonsense
'But OK with teh ghey,' says
blogger known for Speedo
Don't hate me, gay people. I'm an old-fashioned dude. Like 1977 old-fashioned. Back In The Day, gay people had a reputation for being tolerant, open-minded and non-judgmental.

For instance, if a 17-year-old dopehead boy wanted to drink in a bar in midtown Atlanta, he could always bebop his way up to the Sweet Gum Head on Cheshire Bridge Road and if he was kind of cute -- that tanned, skinny, long-haired, tight-jeans-and-an-unbuttoned-chambray-shirt-with-puka-shell-necklace kind of cute -- nobody would card him at the door. Not only that, but the patrons of such an establishment would be very eager to buy the boy a drink and teach him how to dance the Latin hustle.

Or so I'm told.

What I want to know is, when did you queers -- a term I use in that signifying radical postmodern transgressive sense, you understand -- stop being cool like that? Because from everything I see, all the intolerence, close-mindedness and judgmentalism nowadays is coming from you.

Yeah, that's right. It's like when the Germans went from being famous for beer and lederhosen to being famous for gas chambers and ovens. Ordinary gay people, I get along with fine. But ever since the Reagan administration, everything is about The Movement, isn't it?

"Gay" is no longer about disco music and sharing some butyl nitrite with a thirsty long-haired teenage dopehead while the Donna Summer thumps out of the sound system. Now, being "gay" is some kind of politicized identity (like being "Aryan") and the leadership of The Movement -- those Faggot Fuehrers and Dyke Dictators who want to tell you what to think -- spend all their time teaching people to hate anybody who disagrees with The Movement.

So if The Movement says that same-sex marriage is a "right" (just like the Aryan master race had a "right" to the Danzig Corridor), then anybody who doesn't salute and start marching is an Evil Homophobic Hate Monger.

I liked it better when you did the Latin hustle. This goosestepping stuff isn't sexy. And ditch the brown shirts. Faded chambray brings out the blue in my eyes.

Or so I'm told.

BTW, you should think about ditching that crappy Euro/techno music and bringing some Old School.

UPDATE: Linked by Evil Homophobic Hate Monger Dan Collins. (Dan, green and orange? I mean, really.)

UPDATE II: For the sake of perspective, I should point out that I also disagree with the "right" of young hotties to get naked in nightclubs. NTTAWWT.


  1. That place on Cheshire Bridge is now "The Heretic." And pretty much the same rules apply.

    Or so I'm told.

  2. Very tolerant, very funny. Rock on, Mr. Other McCain :-)

  3. "Back In The Day, gay people had a reputation for being tolerant, open-minded and non-judgmental."

    Right, because now it's Gay people who are trying to oppress....your right to oppress them?

    I get the joke RS. This is one of those cute
    "intolerant as I want to be" Limbaugh style rants that Conservatives confuse for rebelliousness in a lame ass attempt to be "cool" or outspoken. Oh how outrageous!
    Problem is, as with most Conservative
    "philosophy", that within the context of freedom you don't have a leg to stand on.Which might explain the ease with which Conservatives can gloss over the inherent hypocrisy of the Founding Fathers' call for freedom with, say....slavery.
    Because, really, what you Cons preach is freedom for some( namely yourselves) and freedom for yourselves to deny others their freedoms.

    But don't get so defensive for being called out for what you are,guys.
    You get so touchy when someone blasts your prejudices out of the water. With a little time and a little tolerance, perhaps the proverbial waters of progress might wash the sand out of your vaginas...figuratively speaking, of course.
    Perhaps someday in the future, when you dinosaurs are gone, we can all laugh about the quaint notions that Conservatives harbored in the name of preserving traditions.
    Ignorance is bliss....

  4. My favorite gay joke:

    The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my birthday....I think they got confused when I told them I wanna watch.....

  5. I certainly agree with what you have to say about GLB's having become hateful and intolerant! I don't experience anywhere NEAR the hate from straight Republicans (they have always been welcoming and well....nice) that I do when it becomes known in a gay bar that my politics are to the right! You wanna talk about hatred! Too many rabid loons for me, I go to straight bars now, we're people are generally kind.

    As I saw in the comments section at another blog, "my individuality interferes with their celebration of diversity." If your not a leftist demagogue you're "intolerant, close-minded and judgemental." Oh, and btw, it means that I secretly hate myself to boot.

    But the "stay single" thing? I agree that marriage should stay the way it is, but domestic partnership for GLB people would be a great thing. Monogamy is a stabilizing force in society. Its good for everyone.

  6. So you're saying you wish you could go back to the good ol' days when you could get some casual man-on-man without all this political stuff making things complicated? Poor guy. Try not to let it make you so bitter.

  7. Well, 23eagle, many of us gays are already married, regardless of governmental sanction.

    You see, a truly strong marriage doesn't have jack to do with whether or not you get to file tax returns together or whether the local Frozen Chosen congregation thinks their imaginary God sanctions your marriage. It simply is, and that's what pisses people off so much.

    The fights for equality are simply that. Take the government's sanction away from hetero couples and we gays will shut up.

    Unless that kind of move would threaten the undeserved delusions of supremacy that white, straight, Republican Christian people have become accustomed to...

  8. Wow, keep this up and the GOP will never return from the political wilderness. Hilarious.