Gay people should stay single

Excuse me, but I saw this headline:

McCain strategist endorses
same-sex marriage
Schmidt urges GOP to be
more welcoming of gays

To which I must obviously reply:

The Other McCain doesn't
endorse this trendy nonsense
'But OK with teh ghey,' says
blogger known for Speedo

Don't hate me, gay people. I'm an old-fashioned dude. Like 1977 old-fashioned. Back In The Day, gay people had a reputation for being tolerant, open-minded and non-judgmental.

For instance, if a 17-year-old dopehead boy wanted to drink in a bar in midtown Atlanta, he could always bebop his way up to the Sweet Gum Head on Cheshire Bridge Road and if he was kind of cute -- that tanned, skinny, long-haired, tight-jeans-and-an-unbuttoned-chambray-shirt-with-puka-shell-necklace kind of cute -- nobody would card him at the door. Not only that, but the patrons of such an establishment would be very eager to buy the boy a drink and teach him how to dance the Latin hustle.

Or so I'm told.

What I want to know is, when did you queers -- a term I use in that signifying radical postmodern transgressive sense, you understand -- stop being cool like that? Because from everything I see, all the intolerence, close-mindedness and judgmentalism nowadays is coming from you.

Yeah, that's right. It's like when the Germans went from being famous for beer and lederhosen to being famous for gas chambers and ovens. Ordinary gay people, I get along with fine. But ever since the Reagan administration, everything is about The Movement, isn't it?

"Gay" is no longer about disco music and sharing some butyl nitrite with a thirsty long-haired teenage dopehead while the Donna Summer thumps out of the sound system. Now, being "gay" is some kind of politicized identity (like being "Aryan") and the leadership of The Movement -- those Faggot Fuehrers and Dyke Dictators who want to tell you what to think -- spend all their time teaching people to hate anybody who disagrees with The Movement.

So if The Movement says that same-sex marriage is a "right" (just like the Aryan master race had a "right" to the Danzig Corridor), then anybody who doesn't salute and start marching is an Evil Homophobic Hate Monger.

I liked it better when you did the Latin hustle. This goosestepping stuff isn't sexy. And ditch the brown shirts. Faded chambray brings out the blue in my eyes.

Or so I'm told.

BTW, you should think about ditching that crappy Euro/techno music and bringing some Old School.

UPDATE: Linked by Evil Homophobic Hate Monger Dan Collins. (Dan, green and orange? I mean, really.)

UPDATE II: For the sake of perspective, I should point out that I also disagree with the "right" of young hotties to get naked in nightclubs. NTTAWWT.