Friday, October 2, 2009

OMG! Ashley Herzog has decided to prove once and for all she's a natural blonde!

Photographic proof, IYKWIMAITYD!

Not since Little Miss Attila published those nude photos of Hannah Giles has such a scandal rocked the conservative blogosphere. BTW, both Ace of Spades and Matthew Vadum claim to have seen Little Miss Attila topless at CPAC a couple of years ago, but they're probably just joking.

Speaking of natural blondes, everybody's favorite strawberry blonde, Becky Banks Brindle, will be having her big church wedding to Allen "Big Al" Brindle next weekend in Pittsburgh. Allen is very tall and has incredibly large hands, which probably explains why Becky dragged him to a courthouse in Virginia in December to stake her legal claim to the breathtaking awesomeness for which "Big Al" is legendary.

Now, just to make their mutual satisfaction copacetic with The Man Upstairs, the suspiciously happy couple -- we notice that "Trout Pout" has been smiling rather blissfully since December -- will be doing the formal religious acknowledgement of their blessed union.

In case anyone's been wondering why Becky hasn't been blogging much lately, it's probably because she's been so busy (a) planning her wedding, and (b) serving up hot home-cooked deliciousness to sate her hubby's voracious appetite. Nudge, nudge.

Despite the universal envy which their connubial contentment inspires, we all wish them the best, and expect the first of many large-handed blonde Banks/Brindle babies to make its appearance sometime early next summer. Allen's already refused lucrative offers for video of the conception, but maybe if you guys will hit the tip jar, I'll see if I can talk him into arranging for me to take photos of the delivery. IYKWIMAITYD.

(Trust me, Allen: I'm a happily married father of six. As we say at The McCain Institute, if you've seen one episiotomy, you've seen 'em all. This is about neutral, objective professional journalism.)


  1. You forgot that I have big feet also which is a more accurate indicator.

  2. Hmm, last comment didn't make the cut, ahh but I know you laughed when you saw it. ;^)

  3. Damn you and your fancy word play, McCain! I was expecting Vajayjay!

    Imagine my disappointment...

  4. "You forgot that I have big feet also which is a more accurate indicator."

    Thank you for not threatening to kick my butt with one of those big feet, sir. You know I'm just prodding Becky to get her to start blogging again.

  5. Anonymous 12:18: I was expecting Vajayjay!

    That's what Cynthia Yockey told me last night . . . wow, did she get a big surprise!

    BTW, welcome to the Double Entendre Cafe. Please tip your bartenders and waitresses. I've be here until Sunday. Try the veal.

  6. Uh-huh. I'm sure Matt and Ace said exactly that.

    They know how well-armed I am. You, OTOH, seem to forget on a regular basis, Stace...

    Don't worry. I'll aim for the kneecap, so you can still write and support those kids.

  7. Aaron Gardner said...
    Wait, Ashley Herzog has hair?

    Of course she does. Didn't you see her picture? She's got long hair all over her head.

    Blogs for the blind? Who knew?

  8. "Blogs for the blind? Who knew?"

    insert braille and boob joke here