Tuesday, June 23, 2009


President Jonas Brothers meets the editors of his fan-club newsletter, and we're liveblogging the screaming orgasmic thrill of the White House press conference . . .

12: 31 p.m. ET: He wants to address three issues . . .

12:32 p.m.: "Threats and beatings" -- he's talking about the Teamsters?

12:33 p.m.: "This is about the people of Iran . . ." Oh.

12:34 p.m.: Wow. No Teleprompter today.

12:35 p.m.: Iran must govern through "respect, not coercion." But just wait until they pass Card Check.

12:36 p.m.: "Clean energy," the kind that lobbyists and campaign contributors endorse!

12:37 p.m.: Health care -- "We will not add to our deficits," as opposed to everything else Tim Geithner and Ben Bernanke have been doing for the past five months.

12:38 p.m.: "Reform is not an option, it's a necessity" -- hmmm. What happened to "respect, not coercion"?

12:39 p.m.: Iranian nukes. Softball.

12:40 p.m.: "An extraordinary debate now taking place in Iran . . . " Yeah, blood in the streets is "extraordinary debate." Except maybe in Chicago and Tehran.

12:41 p.m.: He calls on HuffPo!

12:42 p.m.: "We can't say definitively what happened" when Ahmadinejad stole the election.

12:44 p.m.: "What we can do is to say unequivocally" that we're not going to lift a finger to stop the brutal undemocratic crackdown in Tehran.

12:45 p.m.: "I'm not going to make news about Ben Bernanke . . ." because I understand that all these anonymous "administration officials" badmouthing Bernanke in the media are actually Tim Geithner trying to cover his skinny ass.

12:46 p.m.: "There's got to be somebody who's responsible . . . monitoring the systemic risks," unlike Neil Barofsky, who's getting stonewalled by Geithner.

12:47 p.m.: "Systemic risk. Yeah. Systemic risk. Rain man."

12:48 p.m.: He's talking AIG now.

12:49 p.m.: Major Garrett throws a 90 mph fastball at Obama's left ear: "What took you so long?" Obama name-checks "Major," just to signal to the MSNBC viewers that this is an evil necon question.

12:51 p.m.: More health care questions. Yawn. It's DOA, because Geithner tanked the economy, and now we can no more afford it than Suderman can afford to marry McArdle.

12:53 p.m.: "Tinkering around the edges . . ." No, by God, we're going to eviscerate the free-market!

12:54 p.m.: Notice that there's no concern about "systemic risk" in nationalizing 1/7th of the American economy. . . .

12:55 p.m.: "I get two, three letters a day." Right. You want to see my e-mail inbox, O?

12:56 p.m.: "Discipline health insurance companies" -- with a ball gag and nipple clips.

12:57 p.m.: "Quality care for a reasonable price" -- This is where Obama's resemblance to the Allstate ad guy comes in so handy.

12:58 p.m.: "Legitimate debates" about health care. Let's just hope it's not an "extraordinary debate."

12:59 p.m.: Another Iran question. Everybody laughs at Obama's joke.

1:00 p.m.: Smitty's on the phone! "Hey, I'm liveblogging . . ." Smitty says "Dude ain't packin' the gear."

1:04 p.m.: Obama makes an ear joke.

1:05 p.m.: More health care. The Allstate guy sees a "legitimate concern," but one he plans to ignore.

1:06 p.m.: "You can't preclude people from getting health insurance because of a pre-existing condition." Right. Like voting in Chicago, where death is not a "pre-existing condition" that disqualifies Democrats from casting a ballot.

1:07 p.m.: "Guarantee you . . . what's going to happen is . . ." The Prophet has spoken!

1:08 p.m.: Asked about his smoking habit! Cool. Or, uh, Kool.

1:10 p.m.: This is the one thing I like best about Obama. He's a nicotine fiend. Maybe after Geithner goes to prison, Obama can send him a carton of Newports every month . . .

1:12 p.m.: "The relationship that we have with Chile . . ." I did not have relations with that Latin American nation!

1:14 p.m.: I'm waiting for him to encourage "extraordinary debate" in Chile.

1:15 p.m.: A gay reporter asks about unemployment and the need for a second stimulus. . . . Obama talks about his inability to predict the future. As opposed to his ability to predict health care, "systemic risks," etc. Nothing worse than watching an Ivy League law-school graduate talking economics.

1:16 p.m.: "We know for a fact . . ." Whenever a Democrat starts a sentence that way, look for a lie.

1:18 p.m.: "The American people have the right to feel this is a tough time." Feelings, woh woh woh feelings . . .

1:19 p.m.: "I get letters every day . . ." And I'm in e-mail correspondence with the former oil minister of Nigeria.

1:21 p.m.: African-American unemployment question. Nothing worse than watching an Ivy League law-school graduate talking statistics.

1:22 p.m.: "We want to find tools . . ." Hey, the WH press corps is full of tools!

1:24 p.m.: Somebody tries to interrupt El Presidente!

1:25 p.m.: "We have to believe that ultimately justice will prevail." This is actually a coded message: Hey, Geithner, get ready for the orange jumpsuit!


  1. 12:56 p.m.: "Discipline health insurance companies" -- with a ball gag and nipple clips.

    Oh, I nearly choked on my lunch! That was hilarious.

  2. Are you trying to imply that Geithner may soon become acquainted with the nether side of a Grahyhound Bus?

  3. The most interesting moment for me came at question #2 when the Huffpo Reporter climbed up on the other side of the log and started rolling it with Obama. The Prez seemed to know what the man was going to ask even before he uttered the first syllable.

  4. I am killing myself laughing at the comments. Too, too funny.

  5. Are you trying to imply that Geithner may soon become acquainted with the nether side of a Grahyhound Bus?

    "Imply"? What kind of cheesy insinuation is that, Smitty? All I'm saying is, I think he'd look cute in an orange jumpsuit.

    Ball-gag and nipple clips are optional.