Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Your C-130 Awaits, Mr. Will: Let The Jalalabad Intellectual Airdrop Begin!

Remember my strategic plan to deploy him?
"The Air Force should load George Will and David Brooks into a C-130 and airdrop them, sans parachute, on a Taliban position in Afghanistan. They're useless as intellectuals, but perhaps they'll do some good as ordnance."
-- Robert Stacy McCain, Nov. 10, 2008
And I said it again, on Nov. 16: Airdrop him on Jalalabad. But did the geniuses who run the conservative movement listen to me? No.

So now we have Will joining the cut-and-run brigade, urging us to abandon the one war that even Nancy Pelosi agrees was worth fighting. And everybody's suddenly shocked -- shocked! -- to discover Will's intellectual uselessness. The esteemed Jules Crittenden:
This George Will column, “Why Are We Still In Afghanistan” . . . can be summed up quickly: War’s hard. Vietnam was hard, and also impossible, Afghanistan’s harder and more impossible. Abandon now. Cruise missile counterterrorism policy, please.
Such eminent conservative intellectuals as Rich Lowry, Peter Wehner and Fred Kagan -- at least two of whom I'm eyeing as candidates to become our Nagasaki weapon if the George Freaking Will Hiroshima Bomb doesn't terrify the Taliban into unconditional surrender -- also claim to have discovered the intellectual unsoundness of GFW. And speaking of top-drawer pointy-heads, here's my good buddy Bill Kristol:
Will is not calling on the United States to accept a moderate degree of success in Afghanistan, and simply to stop short of some overly ambitious goal. Will is urging retreat, and accepting defeat.
Well said, Mr. Kristol! As I told you the first time we met, that afternoon in front of AEI's offices, my wife has always liked you. It's that smile.

"He just seems like such a nice man," Mrs. Other McCain says. And the fact you never joined the anti-Palin crowd is a big point in your favor, which is why -- despite your failure to anticipate the catastrophic disaster of the Maverick candidacy -- I have never proposed loading you onto a C-130 bound for the front lines outside Kandahar.

Our elite conservative intellectuals are a precious strategic resource and they must be deployed judiciously. If we squander our advantage -- how many GOP pundits does the Taliban have, huh? -- by airdropping these commentators willy-nilly in so-called "pinpoint strikes," the shock-and-awe impact will be wasted.

So first George Freaking Will and then David Brooks, just to let the enemy know we mean business, and then . . .

Well, I'm not going to outline my entire strategic plan here on the Internet, where Taliban intelligence operatives might read it. But you can't win a war through air power alone, and trust me, I've got the entire combined-operations strategy mapped out. I probably won't be tipping our hand too much merely by mentioning the part that involves a remote-control C4 explosive belt, a burqa and Maureen Dowd but . . .

We have not yet begun to fight!


  1. This sounds like the intellectual version of a desert island + explosives. It's a favorite tactic among rednecks to "round 'em up, put 'em all on a desert island, then blow 'em up".

  2. Might as well round them all up, then send them to Afghanistan. They 'love' em, let them join em.

    I fully endorse your plan RSM!

  3. Mrs. Other McCain is an excellent judge of smiles. The perfect hint of Devil in it. We women like that.

    George Will is at his best when he sticks to baseball.

  4. The problem is that current doctrine is to use smart bombs. George Will would only be a dumb bomb.


    Sidenote to Anon: He could be considered a smarty-pants bomb.