Your C-130 Awaits, Mr. Will: Let The Jalalabad Intellectual Airdrop Begin!

Remember my strategic plan to deploy him?

"The Air Force should load George Will and David Brooks into a C-130 and airdrop them, sans parachute, on a Taliban position in Afghanistan. They're useless as intellectuals, but perhaps they'll do some good as ordnance."
-- Robert Stacy McCain, Nov. 10, 2008

And I said it again, on Nov. 16: Airdrop him on Jalalabad. But did the geniuses who run the conservative movement listen to me? No.

So now we have Will joining the cut-and-run brigade, urging us to abandon the one war that even Nancy Pelosi agrees was worth fighting. And everybody's suddenly shocked -- shocked! -- to discover Will's intellectual uselessness. The esteemed Jules Crittenden:

This George Will column, “Why Are We Still In Afghanistan” . . . can be summed up quickly: War’s hard. Vietnam was hard, and also impossible, Afghanistan’s harder and more impossible. Abandon now. Cruise missile counterterrorism policy, please.

Such eminent conservative intellectuals as Rich Lowry, Peter Wehner and Fred Kagan -- at least two of whom I'm eyeing as candidates to become our Nagasaki weapon if the George Freaking Will Hiroshima Bomb doesn't terrify the Taliban into unconditional surrender -- also claim to have discovered the intellectual unsoundness of GFW. And speaking of top-drawer pointy-heads, here's my good buddy Bill Kristol:

Will is not calling on the United States to accept a moderate degree of success in Afghanistan, and simply to stop short of some overly ambitious goal. Will is urging retreat, and accepting defeat.

Well said, Mr. Kristol! As I told you the first time we met, that afternoon in front of AEI's offices, my wife has always liked you. It's that smile.

"He just seems like such a nice man," Mrs. Other McCain says. And the fact you never joined the anti-Palin crowd is a big point in your favor, which is why -- despite your failure to anticipate the catastrophic disaster of the Maverick candidacy -- I have never proposed loading you onto a C-130 bound for the front lines outside Kandahar.

Our elite conservative intellectuals are a precious strategic resource and they must be deployed judiciously. If we squander our advantage -- how many GOP pundits does the Taliban have, huh? -- by airdropping these commentators willy-nilly in so-called "pinpoint strikes," the shock-and-awe impact will be wasted.

So first George Freaking Will and then David Brooks, just to let the enemy know we mean business, and then . . .

Well, I'm not going to outline my entire strategic plan here on the Internet, where Taliban intelligence operatives might read it. But you can't win a war through air power alone, and trust me, I've got the entire combined-operations strategy mapped out. I probably won't be tipping our hand too much merely by mentioning the part that involves a remote-control C4 explosive belt, a burqa and Maureen Dowd but . . .

We have not yet begun to fight!