Monday, August 31, 2009

Not an Onion satire

Gabriel Sherman's article describing how David Brooks got his man-crush on Obama seems to have been pulled off the New Republic Web site, but you can still read it in Google cache:
"I don't want to sound like I'm bragging," Brooks recently told me, "but usually when I talk to senators, while they may know a policy area better than me, they generally don't know political philosophy better than me. I got the sense he knew both better than me."
That first encounter is still vivid in Brooks's mind. "I remember distinctly an image of--we were sitting on his couches, and I was looking at his pant leg and his perfectly creased pant," Brooks says, “and I'm thinking, a) he's going to be president and b) he'll be a very good president." In the fall of 2006, two days after Obama's The Audacity of Hope hit bookstores, Brooks published a glowing Times column. The headline was "Run, Barack, Run."
Vomit, reader, vomit. And be sure to give generously to the David Brooks Fisking Fund. Commenters should feel free to describe in their own words exactly what's wrong with the Perfect Pants-Crease Theory of statesmanship. I'll try to come back and take a stab at it myself later. Right now, though, I feel the need to take a shower . . . Ick. Shudder.

(Via Memeorandum.)

UPDATE: OK, inspired by one of the commenters ("Wipe your chin, Mr. Brooks"), I now have a two-word description of the Brooks-Obama relationship: Pearl necklace.

But readers fluent in Japanese could probably describe it in one word.

35 comments:

  1. Let's see...

    A Perfect creases are about appearances only

    B Chances are good he didn't do the work to put them there himself

    C For those creases to stay perfect he couldn't have been doing anything requiring exertion

    No, no...I don't see anything wrong with that way of choosing a leader.

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  2. Let's leave the sharply-creased pant-leg to one side for a moment. How about the crumpled grammar? Isn't it "better than I", not "better than me"? I know the latter has entered into common usage, mostly on the basis of those who argue that "than" may be viewed in this case as a preposition rather than as a conjunction, but I would have imagined that Brooks, who still claims to be a conservative, would have taken the "strict conjunctionist" position.

    By the way, my pants bear a knife-like crease this morning; I presume my presidential prospects are looking up.

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  3. one word: bukkake.

    yes, i am fluent in japanese! :-)

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  4. No surprise that David Brooks would admire perfectly creased pants. We all know that Mr. Brooks has a very hard time keeping the creases in his pants, since he allows all that inner thigh rubbing during dinner.

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  5. Homesick,

    Bwaaah!

    But yeah, I think that would apply.

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  6. Is Brooks trying to beat out Liberace for the most balls on the chin ?

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  7. What, no mention of Reinhold Neibuhr?
    I thought that was what first caused his heart to skip a beat.

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  8. I have lots of interactions with people and I don't remember ever noticing the crease in anyone's pants. Maybe that is because I have never allowed my gaze to linger that long on another man's leg. Why would I? Why would he?

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  9. I now have a two-word description of the Brooks-Obama relationship: Pearl necklace.

    Why not 'Fluffer?' Seems only fair, considering they call us 'tea-baggers.'

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  10. Now what do you say about a man that:

    A) Sees Sarah Palin and her sweet feminine body* and feels disgustsed.

    B) Sees Obama's "perfectly cressed pants" and feels his heart fill with admiration.

    What do you say, really?

    * With apologies to Mr. Palin--but its' undeniable.

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  11. A good crease says so much about a mans ability to lead America ...
    It says his wife or assistant takes his pants to a good dry cleaner which shows his true leadership qualities like delegation and attention to detail and when you are a metrosexual man in America today your clothes are a very important detail ...
    No cowboy boots and work gloves for Obama, he's just too sharp in a suit ...

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  12. Would a real man actually care about creases? NO!!!! Why waste precious time on this pansy ass pantywaste?

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  13. Neville Chamberlain's pants were very well creased, also.

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  14. I wonder what Dave has to say about Barry re-reading that shitty Friedman book, or at least taking a few years to make his way through it.

    he must be dumber than Bush then, or is that not a Burkean opinion...

    What an asshole.

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  15. Why not 'Fluffer?' Seems only fair, considering they call us 'tea-baggers.'

    Better still: "felchers" ... It's the next step beyond "brown-nosers."

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  16. Man. This guy just hasn't jumped the shark, he's jumped it, pried open its cloaca, and climbed inside.

    Despite the desperate psychosexual undertone to his remarks, he's probably not gay, because no gay would say something this juvenile.

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  17. I ALWAYS equate perfectly creased pants as a factor in determining a good president. The problem is, the pants were on backwards...

    Stinkin' sycophant.

    anginak

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  18. Oops, I mean Stinkin' sycophant Brooks!

    Fix that for me, will ya?

    anginak

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  19. Last time I eat my favorite cookie (Pinwheels) and come here...gag

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  20. First, Chris Matthews feels "this thrill going up my leg" when hearing Barack Obama speak and now we have David Brooks babbling about Obama's "pant leg and his perfectly-creased pant." Is this a topic that bears further research--the liberal obsession with legs?

    Of course, my first reaction to David Brooks' fascination with the perfect crease was as typically Southern as I am: "Mr. Brooks, didn't your mama own an iron?"

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  21. "and I was looking at his pant leg and his perfectly creased pant," Brooks says, “and I'm thinking, "

    I divide people into two too, people who talk like me and people who talk idiotic nonsense like David Brooks

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  22. usually when I talk to senators, while they may know a policy area better than me, they generally don't know political philosophy better than me. I got the sense he knew both better than me."

    Obama was elected President in the midst of a wretched banking crisis. Sweden had navigated out of a similar crisis in 1992. You would have thought that Obama would have used intervening weeks to render himself familiar with the Swedish road map. He did nothing of the sort, informing one inquirer after taking office that the analogy did not hold because "Sweden had, like, five banks". Sweden had, in fact 114 banks (the number of banks per capita being roughly half that of the United States) and the most troubled banks constituted a share of the whole banking system similar to that of our own. A policy wonk he is not, and Brooks has no excuses.

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  23. This is so preternaturally gay he makes Klaus Nomi look like Lee Van Cleef.

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  24. You know, you may not belive this but pant creases are discussed in "sartorially aware" circles. The consensus is that creases are required, but overly-crisp creases are gauche.

    I suppose Brooks has eschewed the prior Democrat meme that the hole in the sole of Adlai Stevenson's shoe was indicative of a man so intellectually preoccupied that he doesn't notice those minor things so important to mere mortals.

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  25. This guy just hasn't jumped the shark, he's jumped it, pried open its cloaca, and climbed inside. . . .

    This is so preternaturally gay he makes Klaus Nomi look like Lee Van Cleef.


    Folks, unless I miss my guess, we're now getting anonymous comments from Dennis Miller.

    If that's you, Dennis, please help me: Exactly what the hell does "pretenaturally" mean? It's one of those SAT words that I've always been too lazy to look up. I think I know what it means from context, but I'm afraid to throw it out there for fear that I'll use it wrong and some Ivy League punk will say something, and next thing I know, I'll be in handcuffs in the back of a black and white Crown Victoria, trying to figure out how I'm going to explain this aggravated assault charge to my wife.

    The judge I can handle. The wife, that's something else.

    So help me with this word, preternaturally, Dennis.

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  26. Given what the article says why do they still list him as a conservative. He pretty much admits he has left the movement.

    The chin dribbling man love is sickening.

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  27. You know that shiver you get that runs through your body when something so disturbs your nervous system that you jerk involuntarily as if your brain was trying to electrocute an invading evil that had invaded your frame? Well, that's what I felt reading that quote. Pass the bleach!

    Does Mrs. Brooks know about his man crushes? Is this a mid-life crisis that is not going to manifest itself in the buying of a Corvette and the romancing of a girl the same age as his daughter, but, rather, is going to manifest itself in pulling a Jann Wenner? Well they say the newspaper business is a rough trade.

    Quoted from and linked to with a shudder at:
    http://www.thecampofthesaints.com/2009.08.30_arch.html#1251760527467

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  28. Actually a good working definition can be found here. I know, surprising but it is a minor entry so not subject to wikiwars.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preternatural

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  29. From the final paragraph of the TNR article:
    As much as any columnist, Brooks speaks to these left-of-center suburbanites. After all, he is known for attracting liberal readers who normally can't stand conservative pundits. "I get a lot of people who say, ‘I'm a liberal and you're the only one I read,' " Brooks says. "Sometimes, it can be a little condescending. . . . But you take the readers where you can get them. I do wish more people walked up to me and said, ‘I'm a conservative and I love you.' But, mostly, they don't read the Times."

    I'm speechless...take it away David...

    [Fade in music]
    This morning, I woke up with this feeling
    I didn't know how to deal with
    And so I just decided to myself
    I'd hide it to myself
    And never talk about it
    And didn't I go and shout it
    When you walked into my room.
    "I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

    I think I love you
    So what am I so afraid of?
    I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
    A love there is no cure for
    I think I love you
    Isn't that what life is made of?
    Though it worries me to say
    I've never felt this way


    http://www.thecampofthesaints.com/2009.08.30_arch.html#1251761819622

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  30. No self-respecting gay man would ever say that even if he was trying his damnednest to get into those perfectly creased pants.

    Obviously Brooks' psychosexual obsession goes much deeper than just wanting a little Obama-luv. It's just creepy.

    Now I'm going to go bathe in bleach

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  31. Sounds like he was less interested in Obama's pant leg than his inseam.

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  32. Brooks is sssssoooooo cruisin for a CAT fight with Mr. Mathews.

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