Friday, September 11, 2009

Let the Andrew Sullivan Double-Entendre Sweeptstakes Begin!

Dan Riehl offers the first entry:
Obama's Immigration Department now has Andrew by the proverbial ballz. Okay, he might actually like that. But ....
Yeah, when Sully gets busted for dope and faces deportation, there's a lot of comedic raw material to work with:
I understand the inmates at Leavenworth are drawing straws to determine who will be Sully's cellmate. Condolences to the unfortunate loser who draws the short straw. Doing 20 to life is bad enough without having to listen to Sully go on and on about Sarah Palin's uterus.
Or how about this?
When the policeman busted Sully, his defense was: "It's all a misunderstanding, officer! I thought that guy asked me if I wanted to smoke his joint . . ."
Or . . .

When they booked Sully for drug possession, he didn't complain about the cuffs. He did complain that he didn't get the dog-collar and blindfold, too.
Come on, everybody, give us your most vicious anti-Sully snark! And remember to join the Concerned Patriotic Americans Committee to Deport Andrew Sullivan.

UPDATE: Professor Glenn Reynolds:
It’s probably also fair to point out that Andrew would no doubt make a big deal out of any special treatment afforded to a member of the Palin family under similar circumstances. . . .
True, but not snarky enough. The basic idea here is to laugh Sully all the way to Heathrow, to heighten his laughingstock status to the point that even Levi "Ricky Hollywood" Johnston can take him seriously.

And really, who has ever deserved derision more than Dr. Andrew M. Sullivan, M.D., OB-GYN, Chief Resident of Republican Obstetric Research at the Atlantic Monthly Memorial Hospital?

UPDATE II: Some people don't get it. The idea here is to turn Sully into a running gag on the late-night standup routines, a punchline for Jon Stewart. Instead, we get thoughtful analysis from a serious historian like Ron Radosh:
The question, then is simple: Why did Andrew Sullivan get special treatment from the U.S. Attorney? . . .
Andrew Sullivan has moved from the stance of a fierce conservative to that of a liberal supporter of the Obama administration. . . .
Now, more than ever, it appears that the United States Attorney is repaying a debt to Sullivan for his support to the administration. Why else would he be singled out for exclusive treatment? And doesn’t it also mean that Sullivan now will be more careful than ever to continue giving the administration his approval, at least until after he becomes a citizen? A debt paid leads to a debt owed. . . .
Read the whole thing, but I've got to warn you, it's very thoughtful and serious. And if you wanted thoughtful and serious, why are you hanging out here on a Friday afternoon?

We're bloggers. Being serious and thoughtful is easy. Being funny takes hard work, and our job is to treat Sully as the butt of a joke.

The pale, hairy, middle-aged butt of a joke . . .


  1. This is not the first time that Sullivan has sucked on a joint and ended up in handcuffs...

    Actually, it's his own fault he got busted. he saw the officer coming over in plenty of time to hide the weed, but he thought the guy was part of the Village People reunion tour and got excited.

  2. Maybe the joint actually belonged to someone else, and Sullivan claimed it for his own in order to spare his friend embarrasment.

  3. Are they standing in line to blow a little dope on Cape Cod? Who knew?

    Is this the same as Rosalynn Carter blowing a little dope in the White House?

  4. I hate to say this, Stacy, but you are absolutely en fuego. This entry had me giggling for the past 10 minutes.

  5. I wonder if Ricky Hollywood sold him his bag..err sack...ummm...WEED.

  6. Dope? I thought he preferred crack...

  7. I'd love to help you out, but I think I exhausted my Sully snark over his seeming obsession with the whole Levi Johnston thing, and there hasn't been enough time to recharge. Compared to that, it's hard to get it up over a weed bust. After all, he's as unabashedly libertarian on mary jane as anything else, and certainly extremely open about blogging about it. It was only a matter of time until he got busted. To harp on that aspect of the arrest is to invite the sympathies of the libertarian crowd, as seen in the Hot Air and Reason comments' sections, and I don't think there's a lot of humor to be mined in that. He may be arrogant and insufferable, but he has a great blogroll that I use quite a bit...

    Besides, I love beagles and can't imagine having to think about telling this:

    ...that daddy's not coming home because some meanies in the immigration department kicked him out of the country for doing the same thing any famous or connected person with a visa would've done in the same situation. Of course, maybe she'll forget all about the whole thing for a bag of chips.


    God, that was lame.

    "How disappointing it must've been to the gay crowd to find that all that kissing up he did to Johnston was only to get closer to Levi's mother?"

    "Now we know what all the sniping between Sully and Instapundit has really been about - they had a bet over which one would get busted first." (Seriously, I'm disappointed in Reynolds for his lack of snark on this one - I blame it on 9/11).

    "Sully has more pull with the Obama Administration and the MSM than Van Jones. Jones quit in the middle of the night on a holiday weekend, but Sully had the story buried until 9/11."

    "It's all a carefully planned scheme to get conservative bloggers to force him to go back to Britain where the health care is so much better. Or at the very least, it's a last-ditch cry of help to try and get people like the guys at NRO or David Frum or Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity or Mark Levin or, hell, even Malkin or Glenn Beck - all those whom he contantly rags on, to acknowledge his existence. 'Fuck, let's see them ignore THIS!'"

    "An Atlantic blogger...?" Hell, Goldberg doesn't even deign to mention him by name.

    RWG (sorry, all out of "vicious")

  8. This entry had me giggling for the past 10 minutes.

    Are you sure it wasn't the doobage that had you giggling?

    I keep thinking up more jokes, like the confrontation between Andrew and the cop:

    SULLY: But . . . I've only got a small joint!
    COP: Yes, Mr. Sullivan, your reputation proceeds you.

    BTW, I wonder if this weed had been diluted or adulterated? That is to say, was it cut or uncut?

  9. It's like I told my buddy when a cop walked by while he was taking a leak at a public boat ramp, "Don't worry, Pete. The cops don't bust people for -minor- offenses!".

  10. Of course, could it be that Sullivan had something on Barack Obama that he bargained with?

  11. Dude, Radosh was just being subtle.

    Why did Andrew Sullivan get special treatment from the U.S. Attorney?

    That does seem to be the question. Doesn't it?

    Has somebody been tapping her foot in the men's room again?

  12. "The Christianists made me do it."

  13. Wow! They caught a man with a joint?!!! Gee Whiz, that's big news! What have we learned? Democrats have spare brain cells to burn. Republicans have, well, let's just say they need to hang on to every little bit they have.