Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Mass. 4: Please Do Not Send This One Back

by Smitty (Hat Tip: Insty)

An intrepid student asks something that would, in a reflective man, have produced a reasoned, thoughtful response:
"How much responsibility, if any, do you have for the financial crisis?"
Mr. Frank, you utterly refuse to consider the question at face value. Your behavior here is a sorry piece of work, a disgrace to your state, and your country.
Recommendation: retirement.

This is not a human being

Do not be deceived! Even though this . . . fetal tissue has already been named (Elizabeth Christina Price or Michael Thomas Price) it is wrong to speak of it as if it were human and had "rights." What kind of extremist wing-nut Christofascist wack-job are you?

At any rate, congratulations to Dale Price of Dyspeptic Mutterings on this blessing, which is due to be born in October.

Sherry Colb, how do you sleep?

If the GOP is pandering to right-wing extremists, why isn't my phone ringing?

Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs:
This turn toward the extreme right on the part of Fox News is troubling, and will achieve nothing in the long run except further marginalization of the GOP -- unless people start behaving like adults instead of angry kids throwing tantrums and ranting about conspiracies and revolution.
Christopher Orr of The New Republic:
I was trying to think of a framework that captured the no-enemies-on-the-right dynamic that seems to be pushing the GOP further and further into the political wilderness. . . .
Everyone tries to outflank everyone else to the right--zero votes on any Obama-supported bill! a hyperconservative budget with no numbers! a hyperconservative budget with made-up numbers!--because there's no obvious, non-heretical way to establish yourself as a player otherwise. Denied the opportunity to govern (by their own intransigence as much as by the size of the Democratic majority), they have nothing to do but campaign 24/7.
So there seems to be a certain sort of bipartisan consensus that the GOP is now fully committed to pandering to Buchananites, Birchers, goldbugs, gun nuts, Paulistas and sundry fringe types, and yet . . . I dunno. I'm not feeling the love here.

Do any of my fellow right-wing extremists share this perception? You there -- reloading your 7.62 ammo in the Idaho cabin while listening to the short-wave militia broadcast -- do you feel as if you're now part of the woof and weave of the GOP tapestry?

How is it that Charles Johnson and Christopher Orr both think Glenn Beck (whose Fox show I've never watched, BTW) represents the camel's nose in the tent, a dangerous intrusion of crackpottery into the Republican mainstream, while the genuine wingnuts still feel as ostracized and alienated as ever? Is this a consensus or . . . a conspiracy?

Are Johnson and Orr just mouthpieces for the Council on Foreign Relations, the WTO and the Bavarian Illuminati?

I'm just askin' questions. BTW, does this tinfoil hat make my butt look big?

UPDATE: Linked by Dan Collins at PW Pub and by Jimmie Bise at Sundries Shack, who supplies the quote of the day: "Dude, it ain't the hat."

UDATE II: Memeorandum has a thread, Donald Douglas has related thoughts, and Pam Geller is not a fan of the LGF "CounterJihad of One." What we're dealing with here is a basic problem of organizational dynamics in coalition politics. Absent strong leadership and mission-focused cohesion, schisms are inevitable, and you will always have self-appointed hall monitors who take it upon themselves to say to otherwise enthusiastic coalition supporters, "We don't need your help!"

A successful movement cannot be built by a process of subtraction, and this "urge to purge" inevitably weakens the movement. There will always be grassroots elements whose motivations and beliefs would be embarrassing to discuss on "Meet the Press." Yet the Democratic Party never bothers to apologize for the support they receive from, inter alia, MALDEF or Code Pink, while there are always Republicans denouncing and repudiating some grassroots constituency of their party.

I attended both the LGBT Caucus and the Women's Caucus at the Democratic National Convention in Denver, and those kooks were by no means ready for prime-time. Yet the Democrats pander to them shamelessly, while the GOP is always snubbing its kook caucuses. Am I the only one who sees this difference as indicative of a want of confidence among some Republicans?

Don't let your enemy define who you are. Kooks and wingnuts can vote, too, ya know.

As Ronald Reagan once said, for the Republican Party to win, it must have the full support of both its right wing and its far-right wing.

UPDATE III: Paleo Pat likes the big butt joke. (My wife liked it, too.) As I said in "How to Get a Million Hits," the Right has to try to avoid become humorless assholes like those Democratic Underground moonbats.

Humor wins, and laughter is never so powerful as when you're laughing in the face of disaster. It's like Gen. McAuliffe replying to the German demand for surrender at Bastogne: "Nuts."

Everybody in the GOP nowadays invokes Reagan, but none of them seems to have his knack for using humor to deflect charges of extremism. Reagan knew who he was. He knew he wasn't a kook or a hatemonger, and so he always had confident good cheer when the smear merchants came after him. During the 1966 California governor's race, there was some fringe group that endorsed Reagan, and the Democrats tried to make that an issue, but when the press asked Reagan about it, he just smiled and said, "They endorsed me. I didn't endorse them." Scandal over.

If Republicans would stop acting so defensive and guilty, like they've got something to hide, the "ransom note" hooligans wouldn't be able to roll them like they rolled George Allen in 2006. Nobody ever credibly asserted -- or ever could credibly assert -- that Allen hated Indian-Americans. And yet his campaign manager, Dick Wadhams, hit the panic button and next thing you know, Allen's on an "apology tour," begging forgiveness from people who'd never even heard of a "macaca" before. (Final irony: Leading members of the Sons of Confederate Veterans actively campaigned for Democrat Jim Webb, who was far more "neo-Confederate" than Allen ever was.)

Sometimes I think that the real problem with some Republicans is that they're just not right with God. They've got a guilty conscience and that naturally makes them cowards. "Ask and it shall be given you." Pray for courage, pray for wisdom and, above all, pray for faith. Even a tiny mustard seed of faith can move mountains.

BTW, how about some tip-jar hitters out there? My wife's worried because the phone bill is past due. She's a praying woman, but she's also a worrying woman. She's got lots of faith in God, but a little less in me.

APB weighs in on marriage news

By Smitty
Donald Douglas over at American Power Blog has an excellent post on the topic of How Does Gay Marriage Affect Me? He quotes Robert Bork at length. Some questions arise in regard to the following:
Studies of the effects of same-sex marriage in Scandinavia and the Netherlands by Stanley Kurtz raise at least the inference that when there is a powerful (and ultimately successful) campaign by secular elites for homosexual marriage, traditional marriage is demeaned and comes to be perceived as just one more sexual arrangement among others. The symbolic link between marriage, procreation, and family is broken, and there is a rapid and persistent decline in heterosexual marriages. Families are begun by cohabiting couples, who break up significantly more often than married couples, leaving children in one-parent families. The evidence has long been clear that children raised in such families are much more likely to engage in crime, use drugs, and form unstable relationships of their own. These are pathologies that affect everyone in a community.
Personally, I'm from the "judge the tree by the fruit" school of thought. I know "2+2=4" with the same clarity that I know what "marriage" means. The same people that are for thrashing traditional symbols are frequently the global warming zealots and endorsers of perpetual financial motion machines (bailouts). Bad ideas are tacky in the sense of sticking to each other as well as making lousy fashion.

However, it seems paradoxical that the same people screaming about nanny states and excessive taxation are the same ones seeking to empower to the government to control behavior. For a thought experiment, if people are allowed to express their political will one way or another in a given state, might the idea be allowed to flourish or crash on its own? Let a state take on all these tacky ideas, all manner of weird geometries being called "marriage". Let them legalize every sort of chemical. Let them have a baby abbatoir on every street corner. Let them worship every false modern idol in the name of "tolerance." From an academic standpoint, it would be interesting to watch the downward spiral.

UPDATE (RSM): The problem with the "laboratories of democracy" states-rights approach to gay marriage lies in the "full faith and credit" clause of the Constitution. As a small-d democrat, I have no problem saying that Vermonters have every right to go to hell in the manner of their own choosing.

That such a desolate wasteland as Vermont (state motto, "We're Practically Canadian") should have two seats in the U.S. Senate is almost as bad as that miserable swamp Delaware (state motto, "Not Quite Good Enough To Be Jersey") having two seats in the U.S. Senate. I've never been to Vermont and have no plans to go there, and their social institutions are of no more interest to me than those of New Guinea or Toronto or some other Third World pesthole.

Yet there will inevitably come the time when Adam and Steve, legally husband and wife in Montpelier, shall demand to be recognized as lawfully wed in, say, Houston. At which point, in the immortal words of Jack Swigert, "Houston, we have a problem."

I'm very skeptical as to how the Supreme Court would ultimately rule in such a case. We have seen, as in the case of Roe v. Wade, how SCOTUS has often tried to short-circuit democracy and federalism by imposing one-size-fits-all "solutions" on difficult social issues, and we've seen the disastrous results. At some point, we've got to rethink this business of letting five guys in black robes run the whole freaking country.

Too Easy

by Smitty (hat tip: Kathryn Lopez)

One is tempted to build a jape out of "in that head", and "finally, something". But that's just too easy. Utterly common. Beneath the Olympian standards of this blog, in fact. Your thanks may be offered below.

Update:
Hot Air has less snark and a couple of clips.

Former Chris Dodd speechwriter to Republicans: 'You're doing it all wrong'

From PW Pub, I followed a link to this Politico column by Michael A. Cohen:
Over the years, the GOP scored political benefit by playing on the resentments and fears of voters, but after the wreckage of the Bush years, Americans seem more interested in solutions than scapegoats. Conspiracy-laden rhetoric is unlikely to resonate far beyond the party's core base of supporters. . . .
Republicans need to make a decision: Are they going to cater to the paranoid fears of self-styled "truth tellers" like [Glenn] Beck, or are they going to present a substantive policy alternative to Democratic rule? For the good of the party, and the country, let's hope it's the latter.
"For the good of the party," he says, which prompts me to Google up his biography:
Previously, Mr. Cohen served in the U.S. Department of State as chief speechwriter for U.S. Representative to the United Nations Bill Richardson and Undersecretary of State Stuart Eizenstat. He has worked at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace and Foreign Policy magazine, and as chief speechwriter for Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT).
Yeah, buddy, when Republicans want lectures about "the good of the party," you're the go-to guy, ain't ya?

UPDATE:
It’s Easy to Call Someone a Conspiracy Theorist When You Can Just Make Up What They Believe
(Via Memeorandum.)

UPDATE II: "Isn’t it comforting to know that left wing Dems are looking out for conservatives?"

It's David Brooks Fisking Day!

Having failed to say anything useful about politics, now he fails at saying anything useful about morality:
Today, many psychologists, cognitive scientists and even philosophers embrace a different view of morality. In this view, moral thinking is more like aesthetics. . . .
Most of us make snap moral judgments about what feels fair or not, or what feels good or not. We start doing this when we are babies, before we have language. And even as adults, we often can’t explain to ourselves why something feels wrong. . . .
What shapes moral emotions in the first place? The answer has long been evolution, but in recent years there’s an increasing appreciation that evolution isn’t just about competition. It’s also about cooperation within groups. Like bees, humans have long lived or died based on their ability to divide labor, help each other and stand together in the face of common threats. Many of our moral emotions and intuitions reflect that history.
This isn't a newspaper column. It's an English-comp theme that any bright college psych major could have written. There is no attempt at reporting, no effort at timeliness or relevance.

One gets the mental image of Brooks reclining on a divan, reading an article in Psychology Today and saying, "Oh, I'll write about that." And -- voila! -- second-hand expertise.

As always, Brooks approaches his subject with the general idea, "What do the 'experts' say? What is the prestigious, fashionable, high-status thing to say about this?" He is merely a mirror of the attitudinal dispositions of the elite, a sort of living sociological treatise on the current mood of our decadent intelligentsia.

More comment at Memeorandum.

GOP 'brand damage' not repaired

Since I don't want to be accused of existing inside an "echo chamber," I feel obligated to link this item by Christopher Orr at TNR:
The latest New York Times poll is loaded with good news for the Obama administration and news that would be devastating for the GOP if it were ever able to penetrate the conservative-media echo chamber. . . .
Obama has a 66 percent approval rating, which is the highest this poll has recorded, while the GOP's favorability is at 31 percent, the lowest the poll has recorded in 25 years of asking the question. Arguably more remarkable still is that, asked whether Obama or the GOP Congress would be more likely to make "the right decisions about the nation's economy," respondents broke for Obama 63 percent to 20 percent. That means that even within the 31 percent rump that holds a positive view of the GOP, at least a third trust Obama's instincts on the economy equally or more.
Uh, "the GOP Congress"? Was this a "push poll"? But never mind that. What did the polls say about Bill Clinton in April 1993?

We are barely five months past the last election, the biggest Democratic victory since 1964, and Obama's been in office less than 90 days. It would be truly startling if polls showed Republican Party voter ID surging in popularity at this point. More importantly, economics is not public relations:
Don't you people understand that it doesn't matter how "popular" you and your policies are, if what you are doing is the wrong thing to do? And that it doesn't matter how clever and persuasive your arguments are, if your policies bring disaster?
As a question of electoral politics, it matters not a whit, in April 2009, whether a poll shows that people "trust Obama's instincts on the economy," if Obama's instincts are wrong, and they are. It Won't Work.

Opponents of Obamanomics ought not be worrying about polls at this point. Organize! Raise money! Identify and support promising candidates in promising districts. When the Dow is below 6,000 and unemployment is near double digits on Labor Day 2010, then we'll see what the polls say about who's been living in an "echo chamber."

Who is to blame?

"I am neither advocating, nor even predicting, civil war; neither am I advocating civil disobedience. I am simply pointing out that if the shooting ever does start in earnest, the blame can be laid squarely on the doorstep of those leftists whose mendacity, bad faith, criminal tactics and violent rhetoric will have contributed so much to the perversion of our democratic form of government and the destruction of our individual rights."

Public education and liberal guilt

Following up on my writings about the problems of public education, a reader thoughtfully sent me a Slate column with this hand-wringing appeal from "Eloise":
My family lives on the west side of Los Angeles. I face the same choice as many urban families: Will the kids attend public or private schools? Should one minimize opportunities for one's own child in service to the greater good?
In our desire to protect our children physically and academically, we send them to very expensive schools that are inherently segregated ethnically and economically. We, being white, educated, and comparatively affluent, are the agenda-setters in society. The agenda does not include fierce protection of the public school system we value in general terms but abandon in our own specific cases.
And so we've let down our future fellow citizens by turning our backs on them. And we've certainly let the government off the hook yet again, by individually shouldering the burden of quality education for our own children and letting the public schools crumble. Advice?
Eloise
Never mind whatever advice she got from the Slate columnists. Here's what I wrote back to the person who sent me the column:
Very interesting. "Eloise" . . . has obviously bought into the collectivist liberal mentality and cannot think clearly. In terms of one's own children's education, how is the interest of "society" best served? Obviously, by providing them with the best possible education, so that they may be productive citizens. If every parent would only do that -- concentrate on making their own child the best they could be -- then "society" would be much better off. But "Eloise" has apparently bought into the collectivist mentality to such an extent that she feels guilty about her choice of private education. She thinks she should be supporting public schools by entrusting her own child to their misguided hands.
Their worldview is a house of cards, and they dare not examine any premise of their syllogism for fear that the whole thing will come crashing down. So they lie to themselves and ignore the contradictions and blame others for their own unhappiness. Ayn Rand had these people pegged.
Oh, and I guarantee you, "Eloise" chose a private school where the overprivileged children are all indoctrinated with the same self-contradictory liberal worldview. (Monica Lewinsky received such an education at John Thomas Dye School and Bel Air Prep, and certainly exemplified its principles.) The phenomenon of guilt-ridden rich liberals is somewhat mystifying, but their habits are utterly predictable.
-- RSM
I say that guilt-ridden rich liberals are mystifying, in that I cannot understand successful people who don't strive to support and strengthen the system of free enterprise whose blessings they enjoy. But the habits of such people -- who always seek to exempt themselves from the disastrous consequences that liberal policies inflict on others less fortunate -- are, as I said, predictable. Thomas Sowell wrote a whole book about it.

To Live Free

"I deeply yearn to live in an actual free society, not just to imagine a theoretical future utopia or achieve small incremental gains in freedom. For many years, I enthusiastically advocated for liberty under the vague assumption that advocacy would help our cause. . . . My new perspective is that the advocacy approach which many libertarian individuals, groups, and think tanks follow (including me sometimes, sadly) is an utter waste of time."

Explaining New Media

When I wrote "Blog habits and the need for speed," I was communicating something I'd learned while working with bloggers at The Washington Times: New Media rewards speed.

There is no substitute for being first, and you're only going to be first by being fast. This means that hierarchical, top-down organizations that focus on control are going to lose, because in their attempt to control information, they delay information.

Furthermore: New Media rewards innovation, and innovation can only occur by trial and error. You have to take an improvisational approach -- "Hey, let's see if it works this way" -- then measure the response to see which of the various approaches works best. You have to constantly strive for improvement in method, and constantly monitor feedback.

New Media rewards communication. You can't be inaccessible, secluded behind barriers to incoming information, and expect to succeed in the New Media environment. You can't function effectively by hiding in your office, with a private phone number and an e-mail address known only to a few chosen associates, because the piece of incoming information you miss -- the person who can't get past your receptionist -- is going to go somewhere else.

Hugh Hewitt's "Bear in the Woods" has obviously seen the same things, and experienced the difficulty of trying to explain New Media to executives accustomed to the hierarchical control-based style of management.

Important Hope and Change Development

by Smitty

John over at The Purple Center has some Rule 5 for Ashley/Kirsten/Call-me-whatever-just-pay, as well as some Spitzer data.
Spitzer took his rehab campaign to the "Today" show where he couldn't manage to sound minimally contrite in answering Matt Lauer's questions about his sneaky expensive whoring. "I've tried to address these gremlins and confront them," he told Lauer. The "gremlins" made him do it!
Lo and behold: Spitzer managed to discuss his non-command of his wedding tackle without blaming George W. Bush! You say jackass, I say Progress!

Monday, April 6, 2009

'Is Suzanna Logan a lesbian?'

Got an e-mail yesterday:
That girl you introduced me to at CPAC .... is she really a lezbo? If so, what a waste of lipstick.
My reply:
No, she's not a lesbian. Perhaps you've misunderstood a joke.
His reply:
Phew. You'll have to explain the joke at some point. Is she in on it?
We'll let Suzanna explain all this. After she strips nude at the Tea Party in Richmond, Va., and Jello wrestles Monique Stuart (with right-wing lesbian Cynthia Yockey as the neutral, objective referee) for romantic rights to Jason "Big Sexy" Mattera.

Also, Ace of Spades has never actually killed any hobos that I personally know of.

How do these silly rumors get started? Maybe my close personal friend Terry McAuliffe could explain it. He'd probably blame the Brian Moran "smear machine."

The 'logic' of gun control

Cenk Uygur at Huffington Post:
How many shootings do there have to be in the news before we wonder about the wisdom of allowing just about anyone to get a gun in America? Our gun culture is completely out of control.
OK, let's be clear that he's talking about the Binghamton massacre (13 victims) and the nut who shot four cops (three fatally) in Pittsburgh. What do we know about these specific cases and the perpetrators? Here is a video about the Binghamton killer:

So the Vietnamese immigrant was angry about losing his job and upset that his unemployment checks were too small, and therefore shot a receptionist and 12 fellow immigrants. This makes no sense, and how he got the gun, I don't know. Maybe the Vietnamese have got a "gun culture" problem we need to look into.

Now, let's look at the Pittsburgh case, which Dave Neiwert blames on Glenn Beck, but which Cenk Uygur blames on an out-of-control "gun culture." Unfortunately for Niewert and Uygur, the key witness in the case blames . . . the family dog:
On April 4, 2009 at approximately 7:03am, Allegheny County 911 dispatch received a call from complainant Margaret Poplawski for a domestic incident involving her son [suspect] Richard Poplawski, who she wanted out of the house because he was giving her a hard time. . . .
Complainant Margaret Poplawski reported that she awoke early on this date to discover that the dog had urinated on the floor inside her house at 1016 Fairfield Street, at which point she awakened her twenty-two-year-old son, [suspect] Richard Poplawski, to confront him about it. Mrs. Poplawski reported that she called 911 dispatch, and two uniformed police officers responded to her address at 1016 Fairfield Street a short time later, at which point she opened the front door of her residence and admitted them, saying "come and take his ass."
Now, you can blame the dog. Or you can blame Mrs. Poplawski. Or you can blame Glenn Beck. Or you can blame a "gun culture."

Me? I blame Richard Poplawski.

UPDATE: You know your argument is pathetic when it ends with "Max Blumenthal has more."

Credit where due for the POTUS

by Smitty (Hat Tip: Insty)

The Rhetorician seems to miss the point:
The Tea Party movement seems to get bigger every day, but that is not the case for Democrats.
This is our Community Organizer in Chief (COC) here.
I daresay he's tracking to score more legitimate protesters in his first 80+ days than his predecessor scored in 8 years.
Let us celebrate this man. The importance of the 9th and 10th Amendments have been on a decay curve since FDR. We have now got somebody far enough off track, feeding us a Constitutional Pearl Harbor of sorts, that the sleeping giant may awake.
Buck up. Admit that John Sydney McCain would have just delayed this moment a bit. It is not a bug, but a feature that the majority elected such a wrongheaded person last November. Sure, the survival part will bite, but, with enough hard work, this can be the country's political nadir.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attend your local protest on 15April. Attend one on 04July. Keep attending them. Fight the RINO Republicans who are equally party to the decay of the country.
WOLVERINES!

(Bonus points to anyone recognizing the image)

Dave Weigel: Scaring liberals to death

My buddy Dave went to the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot in Kentucky, returning with a collection of photos that inspires an angry fever of militiaphobia among liberal bloggers.

It is always amusing to see the shocked reactions of liberals when they realize that the Second Amendment is still valid, and that there are millions of Americans who take it seriously.

"Hey, wait a minute -- they may be inbred backwoods hillbillies, but they've got all those guns!"

ROTFLMAO.

Religious Right, R.I.P.?

"The obituary of the Religious Right has been written many times before. The defeat of Pat Robertson's GOP primary bid in 1988, the election of Bill Clinton in 1992, his re-election in 1996, his acquittal by the Senate in the Lewinsky sex-and-lies scandal -- all of these were causes for self-congratulatory gloating by opponents of the Religious Right.
"And I should add that this gloating has been, and is now, bipartisan: Many Republicans have been deeply resentful of the influence exercised by Christian conservatives. The fact that John McCain was able to get the 2008 GOP nomination, after infamously insulting the leaders of the Religious Right as 'agents of intolerance' during his 2000 primary campaign, is perhaps the best evidence for any argument about the declining influence of Christian conservatism."

'Maximum feasible non-cooperation'

My earlier post about Ray Moore and his book, Let My Children Go, got linked and commented upon by the Creative Minority Report.

You should go read that, if only for my response to a commenter -- a Christian who works as a public-school teacher in Texas -- in which I thumbnailed my philosophy of maximum feasible non-cooperation with the public school system.

My wife has homeschooled our children since 1997. Our oldest daughter attended one year of public-school kindergarten, then did two years in a Christian grade-school before we finally decided to homeschool. None of our other children has ever attended a public school, or ever will, if I can help it.

When our three oldest children got old enough for high school, they attended private Christian schools. Our oldest daughter graduated with honors at age 16, the youngest member of her class, and is now a sophomore in college. Our 16-year-old twin boys -- well, they're both good students, but they're more into working, playing guitar, breeding pythons, fixing cars, and girls. (My own plan is for the boys to matriculate at The University of Parris Island, home of the Fightin' Jarheads.)

But last night I was working late (got a deadline project) after I'd left that comment at Creative Minority, and needed to make a run to the convenience store. "Where you going, Dad?" said 16-year-old Bob, who was on the phone with his girlfriend. "Can I drive?"

So Bob drove me to the store, and as the price of that privilege -- the boy just got his learner's permit and loves to drive -- he had to listen to my lecture about the systemic flaws of the government education system, and how The Myth of the Good Public School perpetuates this flawed system:

"All learning is individual. . . . You can teach a group, but only the individual learns. . . . Therefore, the idea that a school is 'good' because the students on average score well on standard tests is fundamentally false."
Once you understand this, you realize what's wrong with The Myth of the Good Public School. The school is taking credit, as an institution, for the individual achievement of its students. The "good" school doesn't necessarily have better facilities or better teachers, it simply has more good students.

Well, what would happen if the "good" school had fewer good students? What if smart parents with smart kids decided that they were no longer going to let those tax-siphoning bureaucratic mediocrities at the local public school take credit for their child's achievement?

What if the good kids in that district were all home-schooled, or attended private schools? The aggegate average test scores at the local public school would decline, The Myth of the Good Public School would be exposed as a lie and, if such a movement began to snowball into a national phenomenon, the entire evil soul-destroying system of government education would collapse under the weight of its own transparent bogusness.

Maximum feasible non-cooperation. Think about that: "Going Galt" as a parent.

BTW, my son is an excellent driver. Nature or nuture? I started teaching my kids to drive when they were 12. Both of my brothers are truck drivers and, of course, that hillbilly NASCAR gene runs deep. One thing for sure, my boy didn't learn to drive because he was taught in any school. Except maybe Old School.

LET MY CHILDREN GO!

UPDATE: In the comments, "Anonymous" (whose name is apparently Philip) links to his own blog post in which he accuses me of "knuckleheadedness . . . ignorant, naïve, paranoid, and delusional." And his argument is based on . . what? His own memories of his own public school days.

Well, since Anonymous Philip wants to get all into the anecdotal ad hominem -- accusing me of being motivated by a resentment of "wedgies"! -- perhaps he should be reminded that two can play that game. Which of us is more qualified to speak with authority on the problems of American education?

Let me remind you that I spent the years 1987-91 covering prep sports -- dealing routinely with coaches who were also teachers, counselors and administrators -- as sports editor of the Calhoun (Ga.) Times. This was followed by a stint 1991-97 at the Rome (Ga.) News-Tribune where I was, among other things, editor of the weekly schools-and-youth section of the paper. So that's roughly a decade I spent covering schools.

Perhaps I should mention that, for a couple of semesters of college, I was actually an education major before changing my mind, but I did coursework in such subjects as developmental psychology and pedagogical methods. So there's that. My late Aunt Barbara was a high-school biology teacher in Georgia, recognized by the "STAR" program as one of the state's best in her field. And then, of course, I am the father of six children, the eldest now a dean's list college sophomore. Plus, I was for five years editor of the "Culture Etc." page of The Washington Times, where I frequently covered issues involving education.

Therefore I would not hesitate to assert that, in terms of experience, observation and general knowledge, my authority to address the problems of public education is many magnitudes greater than that of Anonymous Philip, who apparently has no children and hasn't deal with education since he was himself a student.

"Well, I turned out OK" is not a persuasive argument, Philip. In a nation where 90 percent of children attend public schools, the average adult alumnus of public schools is average, eh? This doesn't prove anything about the system itself and, if anything, is an argument against any proposed reform. Hey, y'all, Philip attended public school and he's hunky-dory, so let's keep doing more of the same!

One of the problems with arguing against a pervasive and persistent evil like government schools is that very few people have any experience of doing thing any other way. Sic semper hoc -- 'Twas ever thus -- and therefore the possibility of alternatives is dismissed peremptorily, and nothing else is ever attempted.

We encounter the same sort of resistance to, inter alia, Social Security reform. If the Republican Party had managed a sweep of Congress in the 1938 mid-term elections, then followed up by winning the White House in 1940, it is possible that they might have repealed what was then a novel experimental program. But more than seven decades after it was created, Social Security has entrenched itself, no one can even remember how Americans cared for their elderly prior to 1937, and as soon as anyone says "reform," you've got the AARP and the Democrats ginning up nightmare scenarios of Granny starving to death under a bridge.

Unlike Social Security, however, parents can opt their children out of public education and -- contrary to what Philip claims -- it really doesn't have to be that expensive. The main expense for homeschooling is that one parent (usually the mom) has to forego full-time employment outside the home in order to teach the kids. This is a sacrifice for most couples, but not usually the financial disaster some might imagine. (The two-career household is another one of those things that has entrenched itself so deeply in American life that people have trouble imagining alternatives.)

Homeschooling is a radical alternative, and it tends to have a revolutionary impact on your worldview. Once you realize that your kids can actually learn more at the dining room table with Mom as their teacher than they can learn in a big school under the certified tutelage of professional educators, you cease to be intimidated (as most Americans unfortunately are) by the supposedly superior wisdom of "experts." It is a very empowering experience.

My kids are growing up confident, cheerful and independent. Perhaps they don't have all the advantages that a two-career household could provide with the assistance of a taxpayer-funded education. But I wouldn't trade my six kids for six dozen Philips, whose message is, "Don't try anything different! Don't fight the system! You can't win!"

Can't never could.

The TBoggolanche!

Welcome, moonbats! Remember: Hits is hits. Linky-hate is just as valuable as linky-love to the capitalist blogger and, having twice been nominated for Andrew Sullivan's prestigious "Malkin Award," I sure don't complain about linky-hate.

Now, TBogg told you that Rule 5 is about "giving wingnuts something to masturbate to," but in the spirit of bipartisan cooperation, here's something extra-sexy especially for TBogg readers!

And since the spirit of generosity requires me to do you such excellent favors, let me suggest three books you should read:
Y'all have fun!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Entrepreneurial youth

One of my 16-year-old sons just said to me, "Guess how much money I made today? $250. And guess how long I worked? Six hours." He and a buddy contracted to do some yard work for a lady, clearing brush and trees and cleaning her gutters. She paid them $500.

"Dad, we cut down five trees. That would have cost her like $800. We gave her a great deal."

Capitalism lives!

Double-Ds Down Under

Australia has a terrible problem:
The bra market is expanding, literally. Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show. In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B - three sizes less than a DD. Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraph reports.
Experts blame the cleavage boost on obesity, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones. Myer lingerie buyer Kerryn Sawyer said sales of DD-plus bras have grown from about 20 per cent of sales to 28 per cent in just five years.
Note the reference to "experts." Where do you go to school to become an "expert" on breasts? Perhaps I could get a scholarship, some work-study credits or something in the Obama administration's vocational retraining program.

I'm not going to name the blogger who sent me that story with the plea, "Not sure I could do this justice, but I bet you could." However, since this one's sure to get me at least another week in the doghouse - my beloved wife reads the blog -- dude, you better hit the tip jar.

BTW, I'm obligated to point out that this is a legitimate political news story because it's linked at Memeorandum, with further Insightful News Commentary at the Moderate Voice and PoliGazette. It has not yet, however, been linked by Professor Glenn Reynolds. Maybe once he realizes that you can't spell "Dodd" without "DD" . . .

UPDATE: Welcome, TBogg readers! Be sure to see the super-sexy message just for you!

Daniel Hannan: resisting quangocracy and the EU

By Smitty
Eloquent as when flailing his Prime Muddler, Daniel notes why he shan't emigrate to the colonies, despite invitations, describing a wonderful day in Shropshire. His conclusion is both complimentary to the Founders and a reminder that we shouldn't try to suck up all the good leadership in the world.
And where did the ideology that actuated the American Revolution originate? Who first came up with the idea that laws should be passed only by elected legislators? We did. That idea was Britain's greatest export, our supreme contribution to the happiness of mankind.
Forget subsequent flag-waving histories of the War of Independence, and go back to what the colonist leaders were arguing at the time. They saw themselves, not as revolutionaries, but as conservatives. In their eyes, they were standing up for what they had assumed to be their birthright as freeborn Englishmen. It was Great Britain, they believed, that was abandoning its ancient liberties.
And here, my friends, is Britain's tragedy. The things those colonists feared - the levying of illegal taxes, the passing of laws without popular consent, the sidelining of Parliament - have indeed come about. They have come about, not as the result of Hanoverian tyranny, but in our own age, driven by rise of the quangocracy* and the EU.
To put it another way, British freedoms thrive best in America, and British patriots should be campaigning to bring them home. I'll be staying here, Larry, working to repatriate our revolution.
*The initial letters (the first two letters for the first word) of "quasi-autonomous non-governmental organization."

UPDATE (RSM): Thanks to his recent appearances on Fox News, Hannan is becoming something of a hero to American conservatives. I saw him just this evening on "Hannity's America," warning against the consequences of socialized medicine. Good on ya, Smitty, for linking Hannan.

Obama: Stop, Or I Will Say 'Stop' Again

by Smitty (hat tip: Powerline)

"This provocation underscores the need for action -- not just this afternoon at the U.N. Security Council, but in our determination to prevent the spread of these weapons."

I should probably play the "wait and see" card. Possibly, BHO will pull a rabbit out of his hat.
I suspect that the United Nations is only slightly better than no United Nations. What do you expect from an organization which had Alger Hiss involved in its formation? OK, that's historically accurate but served up as a cheap shot. However, the Security Council offers anything but security or council, e.g. Africa.
One hopes that "action" isn't as much a mixed bag as the UN Law of the Sea Convention. As Carter's stillborn second term continues to unfold, though, optimism is hard to achieve.

Don't forget who Kos is

"He is not a fringe player. He is a public face of the [Democratic] party and their go-to guy on new media. Conservatives should not hesitate for a second to hang his despicable, slanderous words around the neck of every single left-wing politician in the country. They bought him and his hate willingly and eagerly. Let's make sure we don't let them off the hook."

UPDATE: Jimmie gets linked by Moe, Red State and -- ta-da! -- the Instalanche. It's almost like there was some kind of right-wing JournoList going on, eh? (SpeedoList?)

UPDATE II: Wonder how long it will take Kos to blame this incident on Glenn Beck? (I hear Beck's huge with the Shi'ites in Sadr City.)

Cooking up a Tea Party

"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude."
-- Julia Child, quoted by Tammy Bruce on Twitter

P.S.: Be sure to check out MELTDOWN, Professor Thomas Wood's new bestseller about the financial crash and why Obamanomics won't work.

UPDATE: Via Gordon Unleashed:

Rule 5 Sunday

By Smitty
Tearing myself away from writing an annotated bibliography for a course I'm taking, why not do something pleasant, which refreshes the soul, and brightens moods the blogosphere over? Yes, it's Rule 5 Sunday time. These gems have been queuing up since the last outing. Your submissions are sought, at smitty1e. To the posts!
  • The Traitors Among Us gets us going in fine form, with Carrie-Ann Moss, leather, and a cannon. Splendid trifecta.
  • The Patriot Room, whose author is a lawyer, has a ball taking his Rule 5 racquet to court. Quite attractively, too.
  • On the topic of court-ship, props to American Power Blog for honoring Ann Althouse sporting the shiny. Blessings to you, Ann!
  • Stephen at The Liberty Papers likes Julia Roberts as Dagny in Atlas Shrugs. Smitty shrugs. Who is pleased easily is pleased often. Standards are for picky people. Has the actress a pulse?
  • HotMES proposed a rule change as a means of putting up a Catharine Zeta Jones picture. Maybe we should restrict the Rule 5 format to days ending in the letter "y." It's a thought.
  • Dave C, unconcerned with Atlas Shrugs, is more interested in Angie Harmon as Governor Palin. One can find no fault with this.
  • Tigerhawk offers a double-entendre we can't resist: "Saturday Evening (Exploitation) Post," with Rule 5 NCAA basketball cheerleader hottage.
  • The Eye of Polyphemus offers some Sarah Palin action photos. <rant>I have a theory that you could correlate liberal media angst with BHO cock-ups, if you did some Lexis-Nexis work. Seems like every time the good POTUS raises the stupidity bar another notch, there is some story about Sarah's second-cousin's neighbor's untied shoe, and how Sarah clearly can't manage footwear, much less the Presidency.</rant>
  • Less pressed by domestic matters, The Troglopundit cruises the international political hotties scene. This is a profound example of meticulous research and worthy of renown.
  • Carol at No Sheeples Here offers a Charlotte Tea Party slideshow that fits bot the zeitgeist and our non-command of the rules.
  • Bob at Bob's Bar and Grill, in his affably daffy way, gets around to linking Patricia Heaton. You'll have to RTFP to understand the left-handed apology at work here.
  • Be sure not to miss the original inspiration, Pirate's Cove Patriotic Pinup Sunday.
  • Considering that he threw us the PityLanche, we can probably count this as Glenn Reynolds' contribution to Rule 5 Sunday.

  • Update:
  • Recent addition to the scene Trac-a-'Crat seems to be a Carl Bruni scholar.
  • Serr8d contributes a somber review of the lovely Farrah Fawcett, whose cancer has returned. Blessing on you, Farrah.
  • We heartily approve of Paco's retro taste. More, please!
  • Pat down in Shreveport bends it like what's-his-name.
  • Finally, The Purple Center joins the fray with something that is both Rule 5 and newsworthy, so let's get in a late shout.
Bring out your links...bring out your liiinks...

For once, Kathleen Parker has a clue

She quotes Ray Moore of Exodus Mandate:
I was alerted to the Deace-Minnery interview by E. Ray Moore -- founder of the South Carolina-based Exodus Mandate, an initiative to encourage Christian education and home schooling. Moore, who considers himself a member of the Christian right, thinks the movement is imploding.
"It's hard to admit defeat, but this one was self-inflicted," he wrote in an e-mail. "Yes, Dr. Dobson and the pro-family or Christian right political movement is a failure; it would have made me sad to say this in the past, but they have done it to themselves."
I know and respect Mr. Moore, and his criticism of James Dobson, et al., is dead on target. In 1999, I interviewed Mr. Moore after he published a book called Let My Children Go, in which he argued forcefully -- based on sound Bible teaching -- that Christian parents should get their children out of government schools. Having pulled our oldest child out of public school after kindergarten (our five youngest have never attended government schools), I was of course sympathetic to Mr. Moore's argument, which he summarized in a simple phrase, "Every church a school, every parent a teacher."

But Dobson and other Christian Right leaders had spent decades pushing a different argument, which might be summarized, "Let's take back our schools!" To which the obvious response is, "How?" If Christians can't be persuaded to teach their own children, where are you going to find this Christian army of government-certified teachers who will "take back" those schools from the secularists?

Dobson & Co. never had an answer to that, and it is thus scarcely surprising to see the recent declining level of faith among young people who spent 180 days a year for 13 years being indoctrinated in the secularist cult taught in modern American public schools.

Here's a video from Mr. Moore's ministry:

Anyone Else Watch The SNL Cold Open?

by Smitty

Fred Armisen doing a better Barack than Barack (could the arrangement be made permanent?) was terrifying. It was supposed to be amusing, building upon the firing of Wagoner at GM last week.
The faux-POTUS goes down a list of companies like a Roman Emperor at the Colosseum deciding the fates of gladiators. One was expected to find humor in the delivery of the thumbs-up and thumbs-down verdicts on companies like Coke and Fruit-of-the-Loom.
One could appreciate Armisen's comic art for its own sake. I'm not saying it was a bad impression. I'm saying that the premise of the entire monologue left a very, very bad impression indeed, and fuels the need for everyone to oppose this effort to serve man with everything they've got.
I'll check Hulu for a clip later. *shudder*

Update:
a) Thanks for the cluebat on the spelling of BHO's first name.
b)

Update II:
Underscoring the un-funny is Stuart Varney in WSJ. Hat tip:Let Freedom Ring.

Nutjob fears 'Zionists,' kills 4 cops, and an idiot liberal blames . . . Michelle Malkin?

Four dead in Pittsburgh:
Mr. Perkovic and other former classmates said they were surprised by this morning's events. Mr. Perkovic said Mr. Poplawski was opposed to "Zionist propaganda" and was fearful that his right to own weapons would be taken away.
Tim F. enlightens us:
How is that "orderly revolution" going, Michelle? How about that laundry soap rebellion, Erick? This is what Glenn Beck's citizen army looks like. People like Michelle Malkin fantasize about citizens rising up against the (Democratic) state. They stoke their followers' paranoia with bullshit that, mostly, they know is bullshit, for ratings and a shot at political traction. Did they expect the American revolution?
You know, Tim F., I've got better things to do with my life than to pay attention to liberal pretzel-logic like this, and I know Michelle Malkin doesn't have time to waste, either. So I'm just linking your idiocy in the hope that our commenters, or some other blogger like Kathy Shaidle, Dan Riehl or Jeff Goldstein, will do me the favor of taking a few moments to explain to you what a worthless waste of bandwidth you are.

UPDATE: Via Memeorandum, I see that Malkin has already blogged this story, with an appropriately curt dismissal of the idiot liberals. Just in case anyone out there is unclear, the fact that President Obama and his attorney general, Eric Holder, have been lifelong proponents of gun control is not an excuse to become a paranoid nutjob and start shooting people.

UPDATE II: Malkin responds at greater length to the Binghamton massacre blame game:
Look, I’m all for finding root causes.
But someone please explain to me how conservatives who espouse immigration enforcement and assimilation led a nutball of Vietnamese descent who reportedly could barely speak English to slaughter innocent people taking a citizenship test and trying to naturalize the right way?
Put the hangman’s noose down and try to make some sense.
Ditto. If you want to vent your spleen, go right ahead and vent, Alan Colmes. That's why Al Gore invented the Internet. But don't pretend that your idiotic attempts to politicize the crimes of nutjobs is Insightful News Commentary. I don't have enough snark to spare and experts assure me that we're seriously at risk of a pixel shortage.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

My Wife Loves to Bash American 'Cuisine'

by Smitty

For what reason, I know not.
Who wouldn't love the choco taco?






Doesn't it make the perfect desert to chase the mighty Taco Town taco?

Women: can't live with them, can't live with'em.

Of Course the Government Must Control the Interclouds

by Smitty

Little Miss Attila was thinking the other day that it would be awesome if some central authority controlled the shinytubes. She notes
they are handling the economic situation and international diplomacy so well. What, as the boys would say, could go wrong?
but this misses the fullness of the point: having conquered such relatively pesky problems as the economy and diplomacy, the ragged glory of the webbynets can no longer be tolerated, lest someone doubt the efficacy of the Temples:

We've taken care of everything
The words you hear, the songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes
Its one for all, all for one
We work together, common sons
Never need to wonder how or why

[chorus]
We are the priests
Of the temples of syrinx
Our great computers
Fill the hollowed halls
We are the priests
Of the temples of syrinx
All the gifts of life
Are held within our walls

Look around this world we made
Equality our stock in trade
Come and join the brotherhood of man
Oh what a wide contented world
Let the banners be unfurled
Hold the red star proudly high in hand

[chorus]

What Instapundit is linking . . .

. . . instead of linking us:Maybe you're starting to get the picture here. Attempting to reverse-engineer the Insty algorithm is a favorite parlor game among conservative bloggers and I've been SOL the past 10 days or so. How pathetic am I? Today I got excited about a TrogloLanche. (I mean, that dude's from Wisconsin. It's practically Canada.)

So if you're a blogger sitting around depressed because you've blog-whored Insty with your six latest vicious rants and still no linky-love, join the crowd. Meanwhile, if you happen to find a news story involving space, robots, terrorism, Chris Dodd and electric cars, let me know.

Maybe if I linked Attila more often . . .

UPDATE: Headline on major news story:
Binghamton Gunman Felt
'Degraded and Disrespected'
Dude, I can so relate to that. OK, so he's a Vietnamese immigrant who slaughtered 13 innocent people. But it says here "Jiverly Voong was angry about poor language skills and lack of job prospects." Exactly like a blogger with no linky-love.

I feel lower than a hypoallergenic dog that's been run over by an electric car . . . driven by Chris Dodd Cthulhu.

UPDATE II: "I’ve designed in a randomness component just to foil the reverse-engineering efforts." As the man said, "Heh." Welcome, Instapundit, readers! This is what's known as a PityLanche, but . . . well, here are some of the things I've been flogging lately:

Browse around. Check the blogroll and headlines. Bookmark me. Add me on Twitter. Hit the tip jar.

UPDATE III: A commenter notes the Professor's "timely" link to an article about narcissism. Actually, I don't believe the world revolves around me. But that doesn't mean the world wouldn't be a better place if it did revolve around me.

For starters, I'm the guy who explained the principles of advanced blogwhoring (Rule 1) and reciprocal linkage (Rule 2) to the conservative blogosphere. In a single post, "How to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog," I thus jocularly* solved a mystery that had baffled all the conservative "Internet gurus": Why is the Left side of the 'sphere bigger and more effective than the Right? Two basic reasons are these:

  • We don't cooperate. People on the Right side of the 'sphere tend to place a high value on personal independence and integrity. Very good. But the flip side of this is that it's very hard to get everybody on the same page, pulling together as a team.
  • Everybody wants to be a "pundit." One reason that small bloggers don't become big bloggers is that they can't resist the temptation to pontificate, to analyze and comment. But the real value of the blogosphere (and Insty demonstrates this every day) is in aggregation: Collecting together a distinctive mix of links to news, research, information and entertainment, and then contributing the "value added" of your own knowledge, you own experience, your own personality.

If you're going to tell me what I should think about Afghanistan or the federal budget, please demonstrate why I should care about your opinion. What special knowledge or experience do you have about these subjects? American Spectator managing editor J.P. Freire says that the Right needs fewer Bill Buckleys and more Robert Novaks: More reporting, less commentary. He's absolutely right. But too many conservatives seem to have turned their disdain for the news media into a contempt for reporting.

Yet there's something else even uglier at work on the Right: Envy. Why do so many conservative wannabe pundits routinely bash Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter? If it ain't envy, I'd sure as hell like to know what it is. Success should be admired, praised and emulated. It doesn't matter whether you agree or disagree with Limbaugh or Coulter. They must be doing something right or else they wouldn't be successful. But some people always envy rather than emulate, and the negative attitudes of losers like that will inevitably destroy morale and make teamwork impossible.

People have sometimes called me a suck-up because of my enthusiastic praise for successful people, including successful conservative bloggers like Insty, Michelle Malkin, Allahpundit and Ace of Spades. In an atmosphere poisoned by the negative spirit of selfishness and envy, sincere praise is a rarity, and backstabbing criticism becomes the norm.

"For want of a nail, the shoe was lost," and for want of blunt talk about the problems of the Right, we have President Obama, Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Harry Reid. Some small bloggers -- including blogs that didn't even exist two months ago, as well as a certain pathetic Wisconsinite -- are now operating according to The Rules, especially the reciprocal-linkage Full Metal Jacket principle of Rule 2.

The spirit of teamwork has resulted in growth for these little bloggers, as Instapundit and others (including blog-fu master Moe Lane) have rewarded them with linkage. So as always, we express our gratitude to the man who inspired it all, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, who now has a few words of cheerful encouragement for you:



UPDATE IV: KURU Lounge:
Well, at least I'm not the only one. . . . Maybe I go about it the wrong way.
Tell me about it. Smitty rocked a 'Lanche with his second post. Talk about humiliation. And then there is this clever fellow:
"But you are erroneously assuming the flux capacitator is calibrated for this type of environment. I would re-think the whole matter."
Heh.

UPDATE V: She Who Must Be Linked:
Of course, Insty kept my traffic at its normal bad weekend level, rather than letting it sink into the realm of "abysmal," by linking R. Stacy McCain, who essentially badgered him into doing it. Fortunately, there are "good karma" links to me all over McCain's page. We likes that.
Here's the dilemma, though: if Insty keeps giving in like this, that dis-incentivizes the showing of restraint; Professor Reynolds is essentially subsidizing bad behavior, no?
See, here's my theory of why you don't get 'Lanched, Attila: Dr. Helen is insanely jealous of you. So Insty can't link you, or his wife would get suspicious. (She's got a kitchen drawer full of knives, and he's got to sleep sometimes.) This is why you're the Kharma Queen of the Blogosphere. Bloggers who link you regularly get more traffic, because 'Lanching them is Professor Reynolds' way of satisfying his unrequited bloglust for you.

Ah, but it works both ways, you see. Maybe you haven't noticed that Dr. Helen hasn't linked me in forever, but . . . Heh. (Shhhh! Don't say a word, Chris Muir!)

*"Jocularity" -- I prefer to explain these things by joking, because I don't want to help the Left figure out what I've figured out. If there's one thing we know about the Left, it's that they can't take a joke. I just flew in from Cleveland, and boy, are my arms tired!

Anybody want to fisk David Brooks?

(Via Hot Air Headlines.) I'm thinking the caller on this C-SPAN segment is a liberal troll who's actually calling from Media Matters headquarters, but ignore him and focus on Brooks.

UPDATE: The Paco-Lanche:
[E]ven Brooks' facial expressions annoy me. As he sits there listening to the caller's question, his plump face congealed into a half-somnolent complacency, he puts me in mind of a fellow who's just settled down with his opium pipe and is waiting for the pleasant dreams to kick in.
Since Insty's not linking anything lately except electric cars and Chris Dodd, everybody else who links here today will be celebrated with the 'Lanche suffix.

Attention, police: Arrest Will Wilkinson!

No, not because he's living in sin with the beauteous Kerry Howley (he is not worthy! ) but because he's a scofflaw dopehead:
[T]he casual pleasure marijuana has delivered is orders of magnitude greater than the pain it has assuaged, and pleasure matters too. . . . That's why tens of millions of Americans regularly take a puff, despite the misconceived laws meant to save us from our own wickedness. . . .
We'll make real progress when solid, upstanding folk come out of the cannabis closet, heads held high.
So here we go. My name is Will Wilkinson. I smoke marijuana, and I like it.
(H/T: Donald Douglas.) Don't get me wrong: Between 1974 and 1979, I smoked a substantial proportion of the gross domestic product of Panama, Columbia and Mexico. Not only did I smoke dope, I dealt dope in felonious quantities. I eventually saw the error of my wicked ways, married a nice churchgoing woman, and have lived happily ever after without the vicious devil weed.

The statute of limitations has long since expired on the crimes of my delinquent adolescence, and the only reason I never got busted back in the day is simple: I'm not as stupid as Will Wilkinson.

This explains why, despite my extensive personal history with the doobage, I support strict enforcement of our nation's anti-marijuana laws. There's a sort of Darwinian factor involved. Anybody stupid enough to get busted for dope is too stupid to be out on the streets, a category that obviously includes Will "Weedhead" Wilkinson.

His idiotic stunt -- declaring himself a lawbreaker and urging others to do the same -- reminds me of one of those stupid dopehead hypotheticals you hear in your college dorm room in the second semester of freshman year.

You're in your 17th hour of a Risk game, you've just turned in a set of cards, counted out your armies and you're getting ready to roll for Kamchatka when some stoned-out loser (who got eliminated 13 hours ago, but is still hanging around to watch and smoke your weed) begins a sentence: "Hey, man, wouldn't it be cool if . . ."

Whatever make-believe scenario comes next is guaranteed to be a loser idea of spectacular stupidity. And that's what Wilkinson's idiocy reminds me of:
"Hey, man, wouldn't it be cool if all the weedheads just came out and said, 'I'm a weedhead'? Like, a massive kind of civil disobedience thing, y'know. Because, like, they couldn't arrest us all, right?"
No, you loser, but I hope to God they arrest you, because you're getting on my last nerve, and if you can't shut the hell up while I'm trying to conquer Kamchatka, please go somewhere else and mooch somebody else's dope.

America's law-enforcement officials now have probable cause to ransack Wilkinson's car and home, to frisk him and do a thorough body-cavity search, and I hope that the TSA will put his name on their list of known criminals, so that his rectum is rigorously inspected every time he goes through airport security. Frankly, I won't be happy until Wilkinson is a fugitive from justice profiled on "America's Most Wanted":
Our next case involves a real scumbag, "Weedhead" Wilkinson. . . . He's known to frequent locations where dope fiends play a board game they call "Risk." So, if you know anything about where this vicious thug is hiding, make that call!
Why do I want Wilkinson put behind bars? Because he claims that it's "libertarian" to legalize weed. This is so atavistically retarded I don't even know where to begin explaining how wrong it is, but before I conquer Kamchatka, let me give you the capsule summary:
  • Marijuana becomes legal.
  • Marijuana merchants will be required to become licensed, inspected and regulated.
  • Marijuana will be taxed, to pay the salaries of the regulatory bureaucrats.
  • Major international corporations will get into the marijuana business.
  • Lobbyists for these corporations ("Big Weed") will then seek legislation that disadvantages small-time dope dealers.
  • Small-time dope dealers who continue to pursue black-market profits will be busted for regulatory infractions or tax violations.
Legalizing weed would only empower Our Enemy, The State, while eliminating the opportunities for illegal entrepreneurship currently available to any clever teenager who can scrounge up the price of a quarter-pound. Wilkinson is like those one of those clueless gay-rights idiots who thinks the aficianados of sodomy were "oppressed" before Lawrence v. Texas. He has no respect for the old-fashioned common-sense logic that some things are so fun they ought to be against the law, and he is therefore a menace to civilization.

I'm printing out a copy of Wilkinson's confession of criminality and putting in my jacket pocket so that the next time I see him at a cocktail-party reception in Washington, I'll be ready. Just walk outside and dial 911: "I've spotted a notorious dope fiend. Better send the SWAT team right away."

When the cops show up, I hand them the article (which helpfully includes Wilkinson's photo) and remind them that Weedhead has also been known to talk about his so-called "Second Amendment rights," so he should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. "You know how these drug addicts are with their guns. If I were you, officer, I'd shoot first and ask questions later."

And now shut up, loser. Kamchatka, here I come!

UPDATE: Pundette asks, "Why is everyone talking about legalizing marijuana?" I dunno. Maybe because I just wiped out Kamchatka in three rolls.

UPDATE II: The Attila-Lanche!
Legalizing marijuana will not “empower the state,” except financially, which is fine: it’s legit to tax marijuana, just as it is to tax vodka or angel-food cake. What it will do is stop the rationale we are using to put a rather obscene number of nonviolent people in prison.
As I said to Victor in the comments, if you came here for a serious discussion of public policy, you're obviously reading the wrong blog, or at least the wrong post. Nevertheless, Miss Attila, I'll bite.

You have been bamboozled by the three-card monte hustler's patter of liberals, who endlessly repeat that people busted for dope are being jailed for a "non-violent" offense. From which it is reasoned that these "non-violent" people are otherwise harmless and that there is no public benefit from locking them up. Don't be such a chump.

The liberal argument deceives many nice middle-class people who've never watched "COPS." But in my delinquent youth I hung out with a lot of people who were neither nice nor middle-class, which may explain why I get such a kick out of watching "COPS" and other real-life crime shows on TruTV. I know those dudes!

Cop pulls over a car driven by a loser with his loser girlfriend riding shotgun and two loser buddies in the backseat. The car had a tail-light out or expired tags or the driver failed to signal a lane change. Never mind, the point is the cops now have a legit excuse to hassle some losers.

Being that this is a carload of losers, odds are that at least two of the four people in the car are either on probation or wanted on warrants for "failure to appear" or delinquent child support or something. And there's a pretty good chance that somebody in that car's got some dope on him because -- maybe you don't notice this when you're watching "COPS," but police patrols are not entirely random -- the Losermobile was pulled over in the kind of seedy low-rent area where dopeheads hang out.

The net result is that, because of the notoriously stupid dopehead habits of losers, at least one of these four losers is going to be cuffed and riding to the station in the back of a police cruiser.

Now, the social value of this scenario is what the nice middle-class person doesn't really understand, but if you spent years hanging out with hoodlums, you'd get it. See, a loser gets away with a lot more crime than he ever gets prosecuted for. Things like breaking-and-entering, petty theft, vandalism, simple assault -- stuff that has what the sociologists might call a negative quality-of-life impact on the community, but which goes undetected, is not seriously investigated or is hard to prove or whatever.

CSI: Loserville
Losers commit lots of crime like that, and they basically get off scot-free for most of it. Ah, but let the loser get caught with a quarter-ounce of weed or a couple of rocks of crack and here, at last, the cops have some hard evidence. No witnesses or CSI-type forensics needed. The car got pulled over, the loser got frisked, and this dope was found in his pocket. And since the loser was already on probation (for one of those rare occasions when his habitual criminality resulted in a conviction), this quarter-ounce of weed is going to put him back in prison for a few months, during which there will be one less loser running the streets.

The three-card monte dealers of liberalism are always finding that exceptional case -- the Eagle Scout valedictorian doing hard time because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and got busted for dope -- and arguing that this exception invalidates the common-sense law-enforcement routine of busting losers.

"We need reform!" the liberals say, pointing to the Cornell honors graduate doing 18 months for a dope conviction. And if you only look at the cases that they cherry-pick for their examples, if you allow them to dazzle you with statistical mumbo-jumbo "research" they've ginned up, you might be so foolish as to fall for their "reform," the net effect of which is always the same: Let's make life easier for losers.

Well, excuse me, but no. Not just no, hell no. As I said earlier, there is a Darwinian factor involved. Not meaning to facilitate criminal wrongdoing here, but please allow me to explain something that is perhaps not obvious to the casual dopehead. When you're dealing felony-weight quantities of dope, the scariest moment is always scoring the dope (because you're dealing with some heavy people who aren't entirely sure you're not a narc or a ripoff) and then transporting it back to wherever you're dealing it, your apartment or wherever.

That ride from the score to your crib, with enough dope in your vehicle to send you to prison for years, is always nerve-racking. And if you've done that ride a few times, you can never have any pity for the loser who is out on probation and stupid enough to be caught rolling along with a busted turn signal and a roach in the ashtray. Leave your dope at home, loser.

But they're losers, so they get busted, and then some non-profit run by clueless liberal do-gooders comes out with "research" designed to make nice middle-class people feel sorry for the losers, and so there's a panel discussion of "experts" in Washington where I'm sitting there with my notebook -- a neutral, objective, professional journalist -- and it is only through superhuman willpower that I can resist the temptation to jump up and scream:
You idiots! Show of hands -- how many people here have ever possessed so much as a quarter-pound of weed, huh? OK, now how many of you have ever sold a full pound of weed? How many of you people have ever been charged with a felony? Since nobody's raised their hand, please tell me what the hell makes you "experts" about any of this?
Liberals spend their careers making excuses for losers, which doesn't help anyone, least of all the losers themselves. Real life, including no-nonsense law enforcement unimpeded by by idiot liberal "reforms," will eventually confront the loser with a choice: Get your act together and stop hanging out with losers, or resign yourself to permanent loserdom.

How petty criminals hit the big time
Liberals enable losers, but they seldom pay enough attention to the cops-and-courts beat to grasp the real-life consequences of their policies. Over and over, those who commit heinous atrocities are revealed to be ordinary petty criminals who were allowed to walk free once too often.

Read Chapter 7 of Donkey Cons, and you'll encounter the story of Joseph P. Smith. A habitual offender, mostly for drug offenses, he tested positive for cocaine while on probation in October 2003, and his case came before Florida Circuit Court Judge Harry Rapkin on Dec. 30, 2003. Judge Rapkin let him walk.

Barely a month later, on Jan. 31, 2004, a surveillance video camera at a carwash in Sarasota, Fla., recorded the scene as 11-year-old Carlie Bruscia was abducted by a man with tattoos on his forearms. On Feb. 3, police arrested the man on the video, 37-year-old Joseph P. Smith. His sixth-grade victim had been raped and murdered and, loser that he was, Smith refused even to tell police where the girl's body was. Her body wasn't found until three days later.

If I were the kind of "expert" with graduate degrees who could get hired as a "research fellow" by some swanky big-deal non-profit think tank, I might take the time to tell you dozens of stories like that. Charles Manson? Lifelong petty criminal who got turned loose once too often. Matthew Shepard? Murdered by a couple of petty-criminal dopehead losers. Columbine mass-murderer Eric Harris? Middle-class juvenile delinquent.

Famous cases like that are just top-of-the-head examples, the tip of a veritable iceberg of heinous crimes committed by small-time losers who finally made the big time. But I'm not a "research fellow," just a blogger shaking the tip jar, and I've got another for-pay freelance project I'm actually supposed to be working on right now.

However, I know a helluva lot more about real life than some of these "experts" do. As the late Lewis Grizzard sagely observed, You can't put no boogie-woogie on the King of Rock 'n' Roll.

Which is why I'm not going to have any pity for Will Wilkinson when he's undergoing a body-cavity search at the airport.