What Instapundit is linking . . .

. . . instead of linking us:

• Electric cars;
• How to tune your bicycle;
• Robots vs. terrorists;
• Chris Dodd update LXVII;
• Hypoallergenic dogs;
• Astronomy; and
• Oh, boy, more electric cars!

Maybe you're starting to get the picture here. Attempting to reverse-engineer the Insty algorithm is a favorite parlor game among conservative bloggers and I've been SOL the past 10 days or so. How pathetic am I? Today I got excited about a TrogloLanche. (I mean, that dude's from Wisconsin. It's practically Canada.)

So if you're a blogger sitting around depressed because you've blog-whored Insty with your six latest vicious rants and still no linky-love, join the crowd. Meanwhile, if you happen to find a news story involving space, robots, terrorism, Chris Dodd and electric cars, let me know.

Maybe if I linked Attila more often . . .

UPDATE: Headline on major news story:

Binghamton Gunman Felt
'Degraded and Disrespected'

Dude, I can so relate to that. OK, so he's a Vietnamese immigrant who slaughtered 13 innocent people. But it says here "Jiverly Voong was angry about poor language skills and lack of job prospects." Exactly like a blogger with no linky-love.

I feel lower than a hypoallergenic dog that's been run over by an electric car . . . driven by Chris Dodd Cthulhu.

UPDATE II: "I’ve designed in a randomness component just to foil the reverse-engineering efforts." As the man said, "Heh." Welcome, Instapundit, readers! This is what's known as a PityLanche, but . . . well, here are some of the things I've been flogging lately:

• Gay marriage? "Give 'em an inch . . ."
• "True conservatives" vs. Limbaugh?
• Attention, police: Arrest Will Wilkinson!
• Blame Malkin for shootings?
• For once, Kathleen Parker has a clue
• Anybody want to fisk David Brooks?
• Hottest Final 4 cheerleaders? Carolina!

Browse around. Check the blogroll and headlines. Bookmark me. Add me on Twitter. Hit the tip jar.

UPDATE III: A commenter notes the Professor's "timely" link to an article about narcissism. Actually, I don't believe the world revolves around me. But that doesn't mean the world wouldn't be a better place if it did revolve around me.

For starters, I'm the guy who explained the principles of advanced blogwhoring (Rule 1) and reciprocal linkage (Rule 2) to the conservative blogosphere. In a single post, "How to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog," I thus jocularly* solved a mystery that had baffled all the conservative "Internet gurus": Why is the Left side of the 'sphere bigger and more effective than the Right? Two basic reasons are these:

• We don't cooperate. People on the Right side of the 'sphere tend to place a high value on personal independence and integrity. Very good. But the flip side of this is that it's very hard to get everybody on the same page, pulling together as a team.
• Everybody wants to be a "pundit." One reason that small bloggers don't become big bloggers is that they can't resist the temptation to pontificate, to analyze and comment. But the real value of the blogosphere (and Insty demonstrates this every day) is in aggregation: Collecting together a distinctive mix of links to news, research, information and entertainment, and then contributing the "value added" of your own knowledge, you own experience, your own personality.

If you're going to tell me what I should think about Afghanistan or the federal budget, please demonstrate why I should care about your opinion. What special knowledge or experience do you have about these subjects? American Spectator managing editor J.P. Freire says that the Right needs fewer Bill Buckleys and more Robert Novaks: More reporting, less commentary. He's absolutely right. But too many conservatives seem to have turned their disdain for the news media into a contempt for reporting.

Yet there's something else even uglier at work on the Right: Envy. Why do so many conservative wannabe pundits routinely bash Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter? If it ain't envy, I'd sure as hell like to know what it is. Success should be admired, praised and emulated. It doesn't matter whether you agree or disagree with Limbaugh or Coulter. They must be doing something right or else they wouldn't be successful. But some people always envy rather than emulate, and the negative attitudes of losers like that will inevitably destroy morale and make teamwork impossible.

People have sometimes called me a suck-up because of my enthusiastic praise for successful people, including successful conservative bloggers like Insty, Michelle Malkin, Allahpundit and Ace of Spades. In an atmosphere poisoned by the negative spirit of selfishness and envy, sincere praise is a rarity, and backstabbing criticism becomes the norm.

"For want of a nail, the shoe was lost," and for want of blunt talk about the problems of the Right, we have President Obama, Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Harry Reid. Some small bloggers -- including blogs that didn't even exist two months ago, as well as a certain pathetic Wisconsinite -- are now operating according to The Rules, especially the reciprocal-linkage Full Metal Jacket principle of Rule 2.

The spirit of teamwork has resulted in growth for these little bloggers, as Instapundit and others (including blog-fu master Moe Lane) have rewarded them with linkage. So as always, we express our gratitude to the man who inspired it all, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, who now has a few words of cheerful encouragement for you:

UPDATE IV: KURU Lounge:

Well, at least I'm not the only one. . . . Maybe I go about it the wrong way.

Tell me about it. Smitty rocked a 'Lanche with his second post. Talk about humiliation. And then there is this clever fellow:

"But you are erroneously assuming the flux capacitator is calibrated for this type of environment. I would re-think the whole matter."

Heh.

UPDATE V: She Who Must Be Linked:

Of course, Insty kept my traffic at its normal bad weekend level, rather than letting it sink into the realm of "abysmal," by linking R. Stacy McCain, who essentially badgered him into doing it. Fortunately, there are "good karma" links to me all over McCain's page. We likes that.
Here's the dilemma, though: if Insty keeps giving in like this, that dis-incentivizes the showing of restraint; Professor Reynolds is essentially subsidizing bad behavior, no?

See, here's my theory of why you don't get 'Lanched, Attila: Dr. Helen is insanely jealous of you. So Insty can't link you, or his wife would get suspicious. (She's got a kitchen drawer full of knives, and he's got to sleep sometimes.) This is why you're the Kharma Queen of the Blogosphere. Bloggers who link you regularly get more traffic, because 'Lanching them is Professor Reynolds' way of satisfying his unrequited bloglust for you.

Ah, but it works both ways, you see. Maybe you haven't noticed that Dr. Helen hasn't linked me in forever, but . . . Heh. (Shhhh! Don't say a word, Chris Muir!)

*"Jocularity" -- I prefer to explain these things by joking, because I don't want to help the Left figure out what I've figured out. If there's one thing we know about the Left, it's that they can't take a joke. I just flew in from Cleveland, and boy, are my arms tired!