Friday, August 28, 2009

If it was OK for Ted Kennedy to joke about killing Mary Jo Kopechne . . .

Shouldn't everyone emulate the Lion of the Senate?
Newsweek’s Ed Klein (told interviewer) Katty Kay about Kennedy’s love of humor. How the late senator loved to hear and tell Chappaquiddick jokes, and was always eager to know if anyone had heard any new ones.
More at Newsbusters, Hot Air, Memeorandum and thanks for the linkage from Paul Zummo at Southern Appeal. In case you folks haven't heard, the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy just hired me to provide entertainment as a stand-up comedian at Kennedy's wake.

God bless him, but ol' Teddy was the life of the party, even if he was also the death of partygoers. Hey, did you folks hear this one yet?
Q. What's the difference between Ted Kennedy and Ronald Reagan?
A. As a young man Ronnie saved girls from drowning!
Oh, I got a million of 'em, folks. I just swam in from Chappaquiddick, and boy, are my arms tired.

I tell, ya, Ted Kennedy gets no respect, no respect at all. Why, when Ted Kennedy came out in favor of abortion, his own mother said, "Oh, now he tells me!"

But really, we need to respect this man's great legacy as a legislator. For instance, in one of his final acts of progressive humanitarianism, even from his deathbed Teddy ordered a staffer to insert an earmark into the stimulus bill, giving a major Democratic campaign contributor a lucrative contract to provide scuba training for congressional aides.

Seriously, folks, appropriate tributes to Ted Kennedy's legacy are a bipartisan obligation. As a matter of fact, the Republican National Committee is now raising money to fund the Edward M. Kennedy Memorial on the national mall in Washington. A leading sculptor has already been commissioned to create a monumental statue of an inverted Oldsmobile . . .

Oh, yeah, and my good buddy Van Helsing offers this thoroughly appropriate suggestion:

C'mon, don't I even get a rimshot from my drummer for that? The name's "Shecky" McCain, folks, and I'll be here all week. Remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses. Try the veal.

ENCORE: Thank ya, folks! It's great to be back here at Teddy's wake, I tell ya. But it's hard work, because everybody's a comedian nowadays, y'know what I mean? Take that Richard McEnroe at Three Beers Later . . .

Hey, give me a fourth beer, Richard, and I might take your wife up on that offer. Wait a minute, I just got another look at her. Better make that five beers, Rich.

But seriously, folks, isn't time we paid Ted Kennedy the kind of respect he deserves? Think of all he's done for the American people. And the Vietnamese people. And the Cambodian people.

Really, I mean this sincerely, from the bottom of a mass grave of innocent Cambodian civilians slaughtered by the Communists with Ted Kennedy's help.

Speaking of help -- and Rich McEnroe's wife -- I tell ya folks, my wife, she gives me no respect at all.

"Why are you always doing that blog stuff?" she says.

"Because people hit the tip jar," I tell her.

"You mean they give you money?" she says. "Why would people give you money for telling tasteless jokes?"

"Tasteless jokes?" I said. "Really, honey, why do you have to bring Rich McEnroe's wife into this?"

Ba-da-bing! I'll be here all week, folks . . .

INTERMISSION . . . but there's more Shecky to come. Please tip your waitresses, as we keep telling Shecky.


  1. Nah, you don't get no respect.

    It's Rodney McCain.

  2. I always wanted a picture of myself in an orange lifevest with Uncle Senator Tedward. (My mother is a Fitgerald)

    Little did I know that Teddy would have participated.

    -Alec Leamas

  3. Sen. Kennedy reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter says "I've got good news and bad news for you."
    The good news is there's a party planned for your arrival.
    The bad news is Mary Jo Kopechne has had 40 years to plan it.

  4. Those other photos are pale shadows of the best Teddy joke ever (non-legislative division):

  5. Here's one you can feel free to use Shecky:

    Teddy walks into a doctor's office. He says 'Doctor, my arm hurts when I go like this because I got really drunk, drove a car off a bridge, got myself to safety, left a girl to suffocate in my car, hid and lied, and got off scot-free. What should I do?' Doctor says 'Don't go like that'. [boom boom]

    Yours...Henny Nipsey Jessel Belvedere

  6. Henny, like Mary Jo said to Teddy: "Stop it! You're killin' me!"

    But seriously, folks, Ted Kennedy walks into a drug store and says to the lady behind the counter, "Excuse me, I just drove an Oldsmobile off a bridge and I really need some talcum powder."

    The lady says, "Walk this way."

    BOOM. Ba-da-BOOM. Ba-da-BOOM.

    And Teddy says, "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder!"

  7. What's the difference between a carload of party goers cruising in the Vineyard and a porcupine?

    With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

  8. In acknowledgment of Sen. Kennedy's passing, NHTSA has repealed the regulation that in case of accidents car seats can be used as flotation devices.

    - Mikey NTH

  9. Skip to the 1:10 mark...

  10. Shecky: Take my Chivas, please!

    Quoted from and linked to at:

  11. *sigh*

    So many people keep insisting I'm married. I may have to take another look at those Russian classified ads once I can squeeze $20 or so out of the earnings from my readership in the high severals...

  12. You need a 'Like' button, like on Facebook, so I can make a 'ding' sound without wasting people's eyeballs. :) With that said: "*LIKE*".