'Unfortunately . . .'

". . . the whole employment situation is really cramping my blogging style."

Go Galt! Just rattle the tip jar. Grateful blog readers give generously so I can not only afford to blog for myself, but can also support my beautiful wife and six wonderful children. Not to mention paying blood money to Frequent Commenter Smitty and hiring distinguished online correspondents like Brooks Rossington Frumdreher III (The Republican Who Really, Really Matters) and our new round-up guestblogger, Dr. Freaking S. Goodblog, Ph.D.

If you're a part-time blogger who is weighed down with the burdens of Working For The Man, wondering why you can't be a famous successful blogdaddy, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I scrupulously following the Rules? Have I spent time in the Zero Hour, studying, contemplating and meditating on The Zen of Blogspheric Maintenance?
• Have I linked the cosmic kharma queen of the blogosphere, Little Miss Attila?
• Do I need a blog consultant? Have I hit the right tip jar?
• Am I sending enough blogwhoring e-mails to The Number One Republican Who Doesn't Really Matter?
• Should I try commenting at the Sundries Shack, just to get a little back-traffic off the comment links?
• What about Rule 5? If I can't contribute wisdom to the blogosphere, can I contribute beauty?
• "A Little Friday Man Meat"? NTTAWWT.
• Have I bought an Ordinary American T-shirt?
• Maybe I should think about Rule 4? Wonder what would happen if I were to say something rude about Kathy Shaidle?
• Should I consider becoming a Moron? Am I a Jawa? Or maybe should I go for the Riehl-o-Lanche? Am I a Conservative4Palin? Do I have enough Protein to share the Wisdom?
• If I'm not Larry or Curly, could I be Moe? or Moe?
• Do I have enough brain speed for blogging?
• Do I link and trackback at Michelle Malkin and HotAir?
• Should I pray, and step out on faith, use up my sick days at the office ("bloggernoia"?) and spend a week or two blogging full-time to see how it goes? And if that goes well, should I cash out what's left of my 401K and double down in the 'sphere?

Or . . .

• Am I just a worthless masochist who deserves another punk-smacking because I have no genuine aptitude for this "blogging" stuff?

A Jedi must study the Force to grow strong, my young Padwan. I am your father, Luke. And hit the freaking tip jar. People pay me good money for this kind of advice, and you never know where that first 'Lanche will come from, do ya? Well, do ya, punk?