Headline of the Day

Will Everyone Named McCain
Please Leave the Republican Party!

Well, don't you just wish, a$$hole? (And hey, Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Bob Barr!)

I started this blog and named it with the specific idea of distinguishing myself from the short, old, bald, grumpy geezer who -- exactly as I said from the get-go -- (a) was not conservative and (b) could not win in November.

This is clear proof that Crazy Cousin John's RINO ways have imparted a stain to the family honor -- and let's don't even talk about Meghan and "stain" in the same sentence, OK? A long-serving U.S. Senator and war hero has now become more of a disgrace to our name than me, perhaps the most notorious right-wing journalist in America.

I long worried that all the moonshine runners, snuff-dippers and bar brawlers in the Alabama branch of our family tree might feel I had failed to uphold our ancestral honor by working in the disgraceful racket that "journalism" has now become. Yet the two-faced, backstabbing, open-borders, bailout-endorsing crapweasel, Crazy Cousin John, has brought such odium upon our name that no one even pays attention to me.

Rush Limbaugh won't even mention my American Spectator articles on his radio show, because the very name "McCain" has become an epithet among conservatives. If it weren't for The One Thing Crazy Cousin John Did Right, I could never forgive him for the shame and embarrassment he has cause me.

And I should mention, BTW, that this Fox Forum article was sent to me by Atlanta's lovely Carol Purdy Fields, whom I had a crush on in third grade, fourth grade, fifth grade . . .