Friday, March 13, 2009

Hawkie! Old boy!

Guest post by Brooks Rossington Frumdreher III

Damn swell to see you again, fellow! Do you know . . .? Well, yes, of course, you and Kathleen are old friends, aren't you? How silly of me to forget! Kat, remember when you told me how you, Hawkie and Coddy met at the Newport Junior League Regata Cotillion? . . . Yes, now, you be a darling and go get us a couple of gin and tonics, Kat, while I catch up with your old flame, the Burgemeister. . . .

Splendid soiree they've thrown for you here, Hawkie. Sorry Kat and I couldn't make it earlier. Fashionably late and all that. Let the riff-raff arrivistes clear out first, she said. Is that nice young Collins fellow here? He invited us. . . .

Well, actually, one of Kat's assistants saw it on that Facebook thing and told her about it and . . . Andy! Andy Rosenthal! Yes, yes, that's right. . . . No, no hard feelings at all, Andy. I appreciate your letting me know. That nasty man I hired to shovel our walk at the pied-a-terre must have let himself into the house and gotten onto the computer my major domo uses, and . . . .

Oh, absolutely, Andy! Fired him on the spot! Let him and those snotty-faced urchins of his go starve in the street. He'll be causing no more trouble for you and our friend David, I assure you. . . .

But congratulations on the new hire, Andy. A Harvard man! Of course, you know, my people have always been Yale, but I understand your new lad grew up in New Haven, so it isn't as if he were some sort of barbarian rabble. . . . Yes, well, someone told me he is a regular whiz with research. Used to spend hours and hours on the intertubes at the Crimson office, they say. . . . Same thing when he was at the Topsider, I hear. The boy was always on the computer researching all the time, Coddy tells me. Not so much for the writing, but lots of research. Coddy said they had to buy a new computer for him because he filled his up with so much research. . . .

Oh, of course, Andy, pal! Muffy and I would love to have you down at the club. Any day you like, just let me . . . Tuesday? Oh, Tuesday's bad for me, but give me a call and we'll try to set it up, OK? Well, Hawkie and I have some catching up to do Andy, so if you'll excuse us . . . Right. Wednesday might be better, but call, OK? . . .

Ah. . . . Yes, Andy's fine, but . . . so pushy, those people, aren't they? Like I was telling young Collins the other day, I said, "Dan, if you think this blogging business is what you want to do, I understand. All the young people are doing it, but must you work for that Steingold fellow?" . . .

Meghan! So glad you could make it! Saw that piece you did for Tina, darling. Excellent! That Coulter woman is just so tacky, isn't she? . . . Oops, careful there, you've spilled your drink! Fetch a boy to clean it up, Meg. Run along now, and if you see Kat while you're at the bar, please tell her to hurry back with my gin and tonic. . . .

Too bad for little Meg, Hawkie. She's drunk again, and the luncheon's just started. John and Cin have had such a time with her, you know. . . . Yes, right. . . .

Well, I'm glad to hear you are doing well with the innertubes thing, Hawkie, and I'd love to invest in your little project but . . . Honestly? We've been hit hard by this thing, Hawkie. Really bad. I've even had to let go some of the help at the pied-a-terre. As a matter of fact, that's why I rode up here with Kat, because we had to let go our weekend chauffeur, and Muffy couldn't make it, so Kat offered to drive. . . .

What? Oh, Muffy! Yes, yes, I was about to tell you why Muffy couldn't make it. Trust me, I know she'd love to see the old Hawkster, but we were heavily invested in Citibank and GE and AIG, and . . . Muffy's taking it hard. Taking it real hard. Especially when I said we'd have to cut loose the pool boy, Matt. You should have seen the tears well up, Hawkie. It almost broke my heart to see it . . .

Muffy's always been so patriotic and this pool boy of ours, he used to be a Marine. So after Muffy met him at the Republican Ladies Youth Outreach Conference in Santa Barbara, she insisted that we hire this Matt fellow as our pool boy. And he's certainly kept busy with that job. Muffy says he's really good at working the deep end . . .

What, Hawkie? . . . Yes, that's him, Sanchez, Matt Sanchez -- did Muffy tell you? . . . Ah, coincidence, I suppose. But now the market's so bad we finally had to let Matt go, and Muffy insisted that she tell it to him in person. She said, "These Puerto Ricans are so emotional, Brooksie! Matt might take it hard." And I said, "Well, Muffy, sugar-dumpling, I know it's going to be hard on him," and she said, "You can say that again."

So Muffy's back at the pied-a-terre today, handling the business with Matt. He's got other contracts to service, so he'll be OK, I hope. And he's got another one of his Puerto Rican friends who's volunteered to help Muffy with the pool. Nice young fellow, and a Republican, too. Very convenient for us, because when I told Muffy we'd have to let Matt go, she insisted we must have another Puerto Rican to replace him. Only a Puerto Rican would do, because Muffy told me, "Brooksie, once you've had Puerto Rican, you never go back!" . . .

Kat! About time you brought me that gin and tonic, girl! Did Megan find you? . . . Ugh! Did she, really? Did any of the vomit get on you? . . .

Never mind, Kat, I was just telling Hawkie about Matt and Muffy . . . Yes, Kat, very good with the deep end, that's exactly what I was telling old Burge here. See, Hawksie, young Matt's been cleaning Kat's pool, too. . . .

UPDATE (RSM): Thanks to Mr. Frumdreher for his contribution. (Young Dan says: "Really, the chap’s incorrigible!") Some of you young people may not know it, but Mr. Frumdreher -- "Brooksie," as he is known to his small circle of influential friends -- has long been a mentor to The Republicans Who Really, Really Matter:
  • In 1951, Mr. Frumdreher catapulted to fame as a recent Yale grad with his book, Things Are Just Swell in New Haven, Thank You, a carefully reasoned rejoinder to a disrespectful screed by an impudent new-money Catholic arriviste. This earned Brooksie the "Young Alumni of the Year" award from his alma mater. The faculty, who had voted him Most Promising Senior in the Class of '51, appreciated Mr. Frumdreher's advocacy of a modern curriculum emphasizing Freudian psychology, abstract-impressionist art, anthropology, jazz criticism, and other "relevant" topics, as opposed to tedious drillwork in obsolete so-called "classics."
  • In 1952, Brooksie led the "Stop Taft" Committee, gallantly fighting to ensure that notorious right-winger Bob Taft did not get the Republican presidential nomination.
  • In 1953, he published an op-ed column in the Washington Evening Star, "Really, Who Is This McCarthy Fellow, Anyway?" This column was widely credited with bolstering GOP opposition to irresponsible Red-baiting smearmongers.
  • From 1954-60, Mr. Frumdreher served as ambassador plenipotentiary to the Organization of American States, where he sought to promote international harmony by undermining Latin American support for the brutal Batista regime in Cuba. . . .
Those are just a few of the early milestones in Brooksie's legendary career, as he has striven tirelessly to ensure that only well-bred and sophisticated intellectuals who went to The Right Schools excercise influence in the Grand Old Party.

Among The Republicans Who Really, Really Matter whom Mr. Frumdreher mentored during his recent Young Centrist Leadership Conference is a young cyberspace activist rapidly gaining prominence on the Internet with his blog, Moderates for Mitt (motto: "We Can Go Either Way On That Issue").

4 comments:

  1. A tip of the hat for the tip of a hat to M4M

    ReplyDelete
  2. A Balrog of MorgothSat Mar 14, 04:08:00 AM

    Just because I am a pedantic ass: Somoza was dictator of Nicaragua

    ReplyDelete