Next, try to walk it back when you belatedly realize she's hot.
Then, jump into her comments like you're completely obsessed with her.
Finally, do a roundup post, displaying to the world that you've spent your entire day making a complete fool of yourself. Oh, and along the way, be sure to call her "sweettits" and include a lame Photoshop of you with her.
When you're through doing that, go to a Castro Street glory hole, offering up your rump to complete strangers, while bragging that you've got more than 25,000 hits on your blog in the past 13 months.
Losers. They're born that way.
P.S.: How do you know that Suzanna is so intolerant of homosexuals? For all we know, when Suzanna and Moe get together to watch Jason Mattera videos, they drink a few pina coladas, share their feelings of desperate loneliness, break out the digital camcorder . . .
By the way, Little Mister Loser, did you see how Moe body-slammed Megan McCain? Moe also smokes Marlboro Reds. NTTAWWT.
UPDATE: William Jacobson diagnoses a new BRD (Blog-Related Disorder), SiteMeterenFreude:
"deriving pleasure from the failure of other bloggers to generate traffic"He swears he'll never succumb to this one, but I needed an outlet for my ailing spleen between David Brooks columns. Since swearing off Douthat-bashing for Lent (and I'm not even Catholic), I find myself easily provoked to punk-smacking. So when this idiot wandered into my crosshairs, he was automatically going to get it like Carlo got it from Sonny Corleone.
What's making it worse is that my friends are taunting me, egging me on, for the sheer voyeuristic thrill of watching me rip a new one on some unsuspecting victim. My old "friend" Ken Hanner just sent me an e-mail containing precisely one sentence:
Ross Douthat is on Washingtonian Magazine's list of Most Influential People Under 40.Yeah. (Grit teeth.) Congratulations, Ross! I'm shaking the tip jar and hustling T-shirts, and you're so gosh-darn "influential"! I wish you all the best!
God help the next "centrist Republican" idiot who says anything nasty about Rush, Ann or Sarah. The Fierce Populist Ad Hominem Hammer From Hell is ready for 'em, with an aching spleen full of punk-smacking bile.
UPDATE II: You see what happens to a guy when he's not "influential"? His own minions start plotting against him in the comment field. Watch it, Logan. It's against my religion to punk-smack a girl, but if you don't want those Godiva chocolates, maybe Michelle Lee Muccio does.
UPDATE III: A commenter helpfully informs me that bile comes from the liver, not the spleen. OK, so I didn't major in biology. It's a blog, not a scientific journal. However, I do know where babies come from.