Monday, October 5, 2009

A Mission for Jason Mattera . . .

That is, if you think you could handle this mission:

Not, that's not Hannah Giles. Lindsay Lohan says she's a lesbian, but I heard she broke up with her girlfriend, and when I saw this linked at Conservative Grapevine, it occurred to me that you're splitsville with Suzanna Logan now, so . . .

C'mon, Big Sexy. "Win one for the Gipper," eh?

Once you've got Lindsay wrapped, your next assignment . . . Well, let's just say a little birdy at 30 Rock tells me that someone's been doodling in her notebook like a sixth-grade schoolgirl.

Mrs. Jason Mattera
R. M. Mattera
Rachel Mattera
Rachel M. Mattera
Rachel Maddow-Mattera . . .

Show her some of that Brooklyn action, old buddy. IYKWIMAITYD. Because, as everybody knows, once they've had Puerto Rican, they never go back.


  1. When I see posts like this one, I am convinced that your wife is a saint.

  2. Stacy, that's just gross...

  3. Stinky said...
    When I see posts like this one, I am convinced that your wife is a saint.

    Which is the entire point, Stinky: To convince the world of the (Protestant) sainthiood of Mrs. Other McCain. Plus, if I can double-dog-dare Mattera into making a play for Rachel Maddow, this will serve him right for cheating me out of the time and effort Stephen Gordon wasted promoting the Jello-wrestling match between Suzanna and Monique, before he punked out.

    Never trust a Republican from Brooklyn.

  4. Yikes if that is really Lohan, she's got serious sun damage ALREADY.

  5. "Win one for the Gipper, eh?" More like 'take one for the team. Yurrrrrrgh.

  6. If that was the body of a 55 year old woman I'd say: hey pretty damn good for her age, but on such a young

  7. Bob, I'd hit it, but I doubt La Lohan is interested in a man of my...experience. Yeah, that's it, experience.

  8. Wombat: She's 'Come From The Ice' Irish; she'd make you bring the blow.