Tuesday, April 28, 2009

All great rock music was recorded by the time John Bonham died

That is all the "rock music criticism" anyone under 40 needs to know. Anything recorded after Sept. 25, 1980, is therefore not great rock music.

As to this silly dispute over '80s "hair bands" vs. '90s "grunge," it's like debating which was the better painter, de Kooning or Pollock. Neither one had any talent, so who cares?

UPDATE: James Joyner weighs in, prompting his commenter Bernard Finel to say of my argument: "I think this is probably the single dumbest thing ever posted anywhere in the history of the internet."

Don't be too sure of that, Bernie. I've written more 3,900 posts here. Surely you could find something dumber. If not, there's always tomorrow . . .

19 comments:

  1. I'll see your John Bonham and raise you a Buddy Holly.
    Didn't expect that one, did you, Your Smugness? ;)

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  2. I'll put 80's bands over the Grunge girls.

    There were some great voices, and the 80' were fun and cheesy.

    The Grunge girls had a few highlights, but were always losers crying about nothing and looking for drama.

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  3. Well, that doesn't explain why "Like A Rolling Stone" tops so many "All Time Greatest Rock Songs" lists.

    Trust me: people don't leave the food line to dance to anything by Dylan.

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  4. Amen. I used to think I was becoming a crotchety old man when uttering these sentiments. Then I watched my young nephews engrossed in their Rock Band game and overheard "I wanna play The Who, screw your Fallout Boy", and I knew that statements like the one in this post are not opinion, they are Objective Truth.

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  5. My Little Feat and Steppenwolf can beat up your Bonham. Jerry, Bob, and Phil can sit on the sidelines and make smoky peace signs.
    However, Chris Cornell and Maynard James Keenan have done some music of astonishing power.

    The 80's were a musical dead zone.

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  6. The Rude Dog is right on here. The 80s had some great songs - great as in "fun" and "funny", not great as in truly great, like the rock bands of the 60s and 70s.

    The demarcation line is 1990.

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  7. Mostly true, but not 100% true. 'Moving Pictures', the last truly great Rush album (although they have done some great songs since then) came out in April 1981. In general, however, I do think the 70's were the best, most creative decade for rock music, bar none.

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  8. Chris Cornell and Maynard James Keenan? Really?

    I can see Maynard, although I tend to think that all his stuff, even with "different" bands sounds pretty much the same (whenever someone requests a Tool song on my local radio station, they never request a particular song; I don't even think they know or care what the names of different songs are). Maynard's a bit overrated, in my opinion, at least as a song-writer. Good voice, though.

    However, Chris Cornell is pure musical garbage. His voice is awful, and his song-writing abilities are worse. I can't, for the life of me, understand why I have to hear this talentless hack on my radio station everytime I get in my car. "Black Hole Sun" makes me want to jam pencils in my ears, as that would be less painful than continuing to listen to that song.

    Also, I'll give a slight preference to the 80's hair bands over 90's grunge. They both suck, sure, but at least the 80's hair bands didn't have the pretense of not sucking. They were all about living the rock star lifestyle and having fun. Grunge stripped away the fun with no corresponding increase in quality.

    Jason

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  9. Nothing says "rock and roll" like old dudes telling the younger generation that their music sucks.

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  10. If it gets played on the radio, it's feed for the sheep...be they young sheep or old sheep...still sheep.

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  11. Mr. McCain, I have a great respect for your political savvy and open abrasiveness. However, to quote Dave Barry, when it comes to music, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and yours is wrong.

    Any cutoff date that precludes Rush's "Subdivisions", "Limelight" or "Tom Sawyer", or the Rolling Stones' "Undercover of the Night", or Guns n' Roses' album Appetite for Destruction, or the Tragically Hip's "Little Bones", or the Pixies' "Debaser", or U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday", is succumbing to nothing but Golden-Age Memory Syndrome.

    The past always looks better than the present because the crap has been washed away by time, and our patience for sifting through crap ourselves fades away as we get older. But there was just as much crap back then as there is today. Check out Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs for proof thereof.

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  12. "Chris Cornell is pure musical garbage. His voice is awful, and his song-writing abilities are worse."

    Thank GOD someone feels the same way! What an over-rated hack this guy is. He moans his songs at the top of his lungs through his nose! Jebus, I cannot stand this guy. Bleeech!. And I'm sorry but when Zach De la Rocha left , there was no more "Rage Against the Machine".

    Oh and the 80s were awesome cheesy fun. The early 90s were meh. And... I have to sift through a whole lot of fairy-boy mascara drama to find anything good anymore so I'm back to my Tom Waites and Imogen Heap tracks.

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  13. I never liked Led Zeppelin in the first place, and I'd rather listen to U2, Judas Priest, or Guns n' Roses any day of the week.

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  14. Apparently some of you missed the major qualifier, "Rock & Roll".

    Punk, Death Metal, Heavy Metal, and all the various other "genres" have names for a reason. They aren't Rock & Roll.

    Can you like them more than bands like Zep and Who? Hell yeah. I know I have some great $hit on my playlists from the 80's, 90' and oughts. But I don't call it "Rock & Roll."

    Besides, the 70's also gave us such hits as "Muskrat Love," "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me," and "Macarthur Park" (BTW the Maynard Ferguson version of that tune was amazing to hear in concert--zero lyrics helped a lot). So decade numbers are meaningless, folks.

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  15. OK, here is where I disagree with you and some of the commenters. I LOVE Zep, but what about Black Sabbath with Ozzy? Don't see that here. And forget hair vs. grunge. Hair hands down! What music was decent-not good but decent-and attracted hotties? Not grunge. Whinny little lefties, grungies. And, lets not forget the great metal of th 80s led by the NWOBHM-New Wave Of British Heavy Metal. And as far as U2. After Springsteen the MOST OVERATED BAND EVAH!

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  16. An arbitrary date that precludes the stuff Stephen J mentioned, as well as great music by My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, Blur, Nirvana and Radiohead, to name but a few, is ridiculous. You should stick to politics.

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  17. "Punk, Death Metal, Heavy Metal, and all the various other 'genres' have names for a reason. They aren't Rock & Roll."Elvis may be dead, but that don't make you the King of Rock & Roll, K-Bob. Punk and metal are just different rooms in the great shopping mall of Rock. And country lives right next door, which is why Kid Rock is passed out in the side yard between concerts. :)

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  18. I've owned Physical Graffiti on vinyl, tape, and CD, but there was definitely great rock after 1980. The Cult, for one example. Those guys still kick ass.

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  19. if its true...then i missed it!! but i wanna see and heard those good rock songs...

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