Sunday, November 16, 2008

Darwinian dating

We old, boring married folks are having all the fun nowadays, while the singles endure misery and wrath:
[The single young man] is putting off traditional markers of adulthood -- one wife, two kids, three bathrooms -- not because he's immature but because he's angry. He's angry because he thinks that young women are dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling, and gold-digging. He's angry because he thinks that the culture disses all things male. He's angry because he thinks that marriage these days is a raw deal for men.
He's also wrong. Marriage is a great deal for men, much better than being single, provided you get the right woman. The whole point of dating is to find that one woman. But young men are so damned superficial and selfish nowadays, and caught in a passive-aggressive loop, alternating between callous womanizing and self-pity.

Good women are much easier to find than good men. Over the years in Washington, I'd meet nice young single women and think, "Wow, I really ought to try to introduce her to a nice guy." And then I'd realize, "Wait a minute -- this is Washington, DC. There are no nice guys here."

Guys, let me give you a clue: Your low self-esteem is poisoning the well. You figure that any girl who actually likes you must be a desperate loser. So you ignore or disparage the women who are actually available, while chasing after women who hate you. You are only interested in super-beautiful women, because having a super-beautiful woman validates your own attractiveness. And yet you become angry at her demand that you bring something to the table to validate her.

Do you see the self-defeating vicious cycle you're setting up for yourself? Try this: Just forget about looks. Hang out with some fat chicks and try to learn to enjoy women as human beings, rather than as status symbols or as a means to an end. Learn to take pleasure in being liked by a woman. And to recycle an old hippie-mystic phrase from 40 years ago: Be in the now.


  1. My dearest Robert,
    Perhaps things are different in your neck of the woods but here in SoCal, the young 'ladies' are superficial, materialistic, and more shallow than an inflatable kiddie pool. Seriously, as the mother of two sons, I am very concerned with who on Earth they will marry! It's about the handbag, the spa, the car. Perhaps the answer is, indeed, to look deeper than appearance but please, men are biologically hard-wired to be visual. It's times like these that make me wish I could talk my boys into an arranged marriage!

  2. First off I do want to say I generally enjoy your blog, so please don't take what I'm about to say (or type rather) the wrong way.

    You're not just wrong, you're so far away from right that it's obvious you don't even understand what the issue is. From your picture I'm guessing you're north of fifty. What you say was true, for your time, maybe. But it is not true now. Let me explain, the world has changed. Radically.

    Take all of those "nice" girls you talk about meeting. I guarantee you the person you see and interact with, is not the person that nice guy you want to introduce them to would meet.

    And those fat ugly girls you want guys to hang out with so they can enjoy women as human beings, speaking as someone who has known more than my fair share of such, they average as worse human beings than the hot girls. (If you think about it I'm sure you can figure out why, it's not a big mystery.)

    One thing you should understand, while you may deplore the way these men behave, it is women who have set the rules of this game. The men are just playing to win.

  3. Younger women these days are also overwhelmingly Socialist. They much prefer the welfare state, and massive government handouts, with a big hefty safety net. There's nothing individualist about them.

    I'm just happy I'm not a young male, and am happily married to a beautiful Chinese woman.

    Young guys today, have to deal with too much political correctness and Obama-worshipping. They probably have to even attend Obama events they despise just to have any hope of getting laid.

  4. Spoken as a man who hasn't been in the dating pool since THE LOVE BOAT ruled the airwaves.

    The fact is, women today are every bit as shallow and money-hungry as all that. No matter how attractive they would be perceived impartially, every one of them thinks she should be treated as the hottest thing to ever walk upright. Every one of them thinks that any man who doesn't drive the latest car, wear the latest clothes and spend several bills on a first date simply isn't worth the bother of returning phone calls, let alone actually getting to know him.

    This phenomenon hasn't changed a bit as I've entered my thirties, either. If anything the women still available at that point are even more damaged, even more shrewish, and generally even less desirable than they were just a few years before.

  5. The day men stop caring about looks is the day men stop bothering with relationships. Why not be gay if they don't a sexually attractive body? At least you might get along better and have similar interests.