Friday, December 11, 2009

AFF Christmas Party: Honest, there's nothing to worry about, Mrs. Millspaw

America's Future Foundation hosted a Christmas party Thursday night at the Fund for American Studies. There were a few unfortunate crises during the evening.

First, inadequate planning and an excess of holiday cheer led to a shortage of refreshments. This problem was exacerbated by certain libertarian guests who showed up with the munchies and a bad case of cottonmouth, IYKWIMAITYD. Making my customary late for the soiree, I was told by one glassy-eyed dopehead libertarian, "Dude, there's no beer left." To which I replied, "We'll see about that."

The second crisis of the evening occurred when lovely Tegan Millspaw of Judicial Watch told me, "My Mom loves your blog!" This is not necessarily what a guy wants to hear from his blog groupies, as it leads to the quick mental calculation that Tegan's mom is probably about my age, which would make her slightly older than Mrs. Other McCain and . . .

Nevertheless, no crisis -- emotional or otherwise -- could prevent me from enjoying this festive occasion in the traditional Yuletide spirit of the holiday:

Me and Tegan Millspaw, whose mother might be shocked by the "Fake Intimacy" motif, were it not for . . .

. . . the Fake Intimacy motif of my photo with Matt Keller who is not -- repeat, is not -- gay. NTTAWWT.

OK, I'm sure Keller isn't gay, but I can't rule out the possibility that he was drunk stoned libertarian last night. Shortly after this photo was taken, Keller was reportedly seen pulling holly leaves from the festive decorations, stuffing them into a bong and asking Mary Katharine Ham if he could borrow her lighter.

Garrett Murch and investivative journalist Matthew Vadum look suspiciously stoned libertarian festive.

Of the three dudes in this photo with the Weekly Standard's Mary Katharine Ham, one is her date, one is Dave Weigel of the Washington Independent and one is Radley Balko of Reason magazine. Question: Which one looks most suspiciously festive?

Philip Klein of the American Spectator signifies his membership in the Compton Crips. Weigel kept looking ever more festive as the night wore on. Balko was thinking of joining the Bloods.

So festive, you can't even see their eyes!

Radley Balko winces painfully after realizing he has just joined the "known associates" file.

Christopher Malagisi (left) had a beer, and he wanted his photo taken with a pretty girl. Bartering ensued.

After striking a deal with Malagisi (and his former beer), I celebrated with Curt Levy and Chenelyn Barker.

The Serbo-Alabamian Alliance Against Texo-Croatia is a secretive organization founded by Gavrilo Princip. After the BCS Championship game -- Pasadena is "the tinder-box of college football rivalries" -- we'll all be fleeing to Tuscaloosa.

If Dave Reaboi looks disappointed, it's because Philip Klein just beat him in the Popeye the Sailor Man Lookalike Contest that is a festive tradition at the annual AFF Christmas party. By contrast, Heather Smith maintained a cheerful spirit despite being disqualified from the Olive Oyl Lookalike Contest.

John McCormack -- the Bob Cratchit of D.C. journalists -- finds himself forced to blog even during a Christmas Party by his greedy editors at the Weekly Standard. By extension, this analogy makes Bill Kristol and Fred Barnes the Scrooge and Marley of neoconservatism, except that neither of them is dead yet. And the curtain won't ring down on this melodramatic Dickensian analogy until Mary Katharine Ham says, "God bless us every one!"

Matt Martini works on Capitol Hill. Heather Smith works for Human Life International. Derek Hunter works for the legendary $3 million news organization "Coming Soon."

How did this shady dude score with such a lovely blonde? Five magic words: "Hey, babe, wanna get festive?"

Neither of these fine young people seemed to be particularly festive, but the night was young. IYKWIMAITYD.

Late dinner for the National Desk at the Dupont Circle pub where we convened the festive after-party.


  1. Let me guess, going to that Dupont Circle pub for after party festivities was your idea? THAT'S never happened before.

    At least there weren't any "Navy Douchebags" there this time...

  2. Need more pictures of Mary Katherine Ham.