Obama: Jessica Simpson's SO FAT . . .

. . . when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house. That's what he seems to be saying, anyway. Will the Obese-American lobby bust him for his fatphobic hate mongering?

Don't worry, Jessica: You've just got more to love. A little cushion for the pushin' -- it's all good. Sure, that Nick dude dumped you because of your huge cellulite-covered rump and Tony Romo cheated because your chunky thighs turned him off. But don't let that make you self-conscious about your pear-shaped, bell-bottomed figure. Your body-image issues are all in your mind, you Big Beautiful Woman, you!

Wait! Did you hear that? What's that sound? It's coming from your freezer, Jessica. It's that family-sized Stouffer's lasagna, with all that rich, cheesy goodness. And it's calling you . . .

UPDATE: Dang, looks like she's already answered the call.