Monday, February 2, 2009

'Fundamentally nasty and mean-spirited'

Yeah, you know Sonny Bunch is talking about me. But he means that as a compliment:
We see a lesser example at the League of Ordinary Gentlemen today, in which Freddie de Boer describes Robert Stacy McCain as a "tedious nothing." Now, I have plenty of disagreements with McCain -- including on the topic Freddie, McCain, and Schwenkler are going back and forth on -- but what does this sort of invective accomplish? And really, where does Freddie get off? Say what you will about McCain, but he's a good enough writer to have provided for himself and his family for years with little more than his skill with words and reporting acumen.
There's also my famous good looks and irresistible charm, not to mention my humility, modesty and tremendous personal dignity. But after years of praise from so many admirers, you stop noticing unintentional compliments like being called "tedious" by Freddie de Boer. It's almost as flattering as being denounced by Glenn Greenwald.

Donald Douglas notes "a special obnoxiousness to Freddie's long-winded puffery." And Ramrocks at Conservatives4Palin announces that I have inspired Palinites to dub themselves "Ordinary Barbarians."

Question: Why do the heathen rage? Answer: There is something infuriating about a man of no discernible ability succeeding with no discernible effort, looking disaster in the face and laughing as he strolls merrily to the next inexplicable triumph. What could possibly be the source of such mysterious confidence? How is that they, favored with every gift the world esteems, are nonetheless so miserable, while that skinny old hillbilly is so cheerful?

Ah, but have you seen the wife God blessed me with? She's still hot, too, and why should I complain about being old and ugly now, when I was blessed to be so sexy once. Once was plenty enough, you see.

There are no atheists in foxholes. And I've being killing 'em with double entendres since grade school.

UPDATE: Perhaps related, in a sort of bizarre gestalt way: Via Dan Riehl, here's Donald Douglas with a post about Ann Althouse's nipples. NTTAWWT. And no, I'm not making this up. If conservative bloggers are acting kinda wacky lately, blame Obama Derangement Syndrome. Maybe we can get ODS disability checks in the "stimulus" package.

UPDATE II: Speaking of the package . . . To the anonymous commenter whose wife wants the phone number of that sexy dude in the striped Speedo: First of all, she'll need a time machine to go back to 1990, when that dude swam laps every morning and evening before and after work and had a 29-inch waist. Once she gets to back 1990, your wife should tell that dude three things: 1. Avoid politics. 2. Stay away from Washington, D.C. and 3. Start flossing.

Oh, one more thing: Tell her to watch out for that dude's wife, who has always been mighty jealous. Very sweet, but you wouldn't want to see her angry.


  1. Dude! In a striped grape smuggler no less! Takes stones, and other things, to pull one of those off and you (obviously) got 'em. I just showed your pic to my wife and she wants your number. Any chance of a swap?

  2. Grape Smuggler,

    Banana Hammock..

  3. You may be interested to know that Freddie has offered something of a mea culpa here:

  4. "And it stays that way after swimming"

    yes, it took me all after noon to think of that.

    not that I was dwelling on it..

    and not that there is anything wrong with that either.

  5. Damn Dave, and I thought I was the sick puppy . . .

  6. the beer does mean things to one's filter.

    and that's my story.