Wednesday, June 10, 2009

How bad do I suck?

Explained at The Green Room, illustrated here:

UPDATE: Dan Collins recoils from the frightening implosion of "cosmos-bending suckitude." Avert your eyes, children, or your retinas will be permanently scarred.

UPDATE II: The possibility that Katie Couric sucks worse than me? Nah. Allah could never muster up that much hate for Katie.

UPDATE III: I can so totally relate to this:
"To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t."
-- Donald Trump, referring to the recently-fired Miss California, Carrie Prejean
Get the point? In other words, if you're somebody important -- someone like Trump whose approval matters -- then people are nice to you. They praise you and solicit your favor. But if you're me? You're less "hot" than Andy Levy.

It is the blunt expression of contempt ("You're not on TV and you barely have 1,000 Twitter friends, therefore your existence need not even be acknowledged" ) that is so painful.

But it's OK. Little Miss Attila still likes me. Right? . . . Right? Hello? Is this thing working?


  1. The question would be: Who did you piss off that matters?

  2. Maybe you need to send Melissa The Speedo picture. She's been misinformed. In fact, maybe I'll send it to her.

  3. Well, that's what you get for attacking neocon influence in the Republican party.

  4. Melissa has your speedo picture up now, RS.

  5. Melissa has your speedo picture up now, RS

    Yeah, I know, but she only included me after I mentioned my omission from the list (as did Pat Austin).

    I'm not mad at Melissa -- I'm 20 years past my Speedo glory days -- it's just that this is part of a recurring pattern, as I explained at the Green Room.

    "Nothing succeeds like success" and nothing fails like failure. Ergo, every time I get omitted from one of these "top conservative" or "best conservative" lists, it amounts to an advertisement of my failure, which invites further derogation. A negative image momentum can accumulate, if I don't point out to my friends that they are (in effect) insulting me by these omissions.

    It's like when I complain that Allah hates me -- I own that Google bomb -- I'm really just "working the refs," as they say. If there is anything I've learned since coming to Washington, it's this: If you don't promote yourself, nobody else will. That's what Rule 1 ("Shameless Blogwhoring") is all about.

    Allah has the power to make or break a blogger's day, merely by linking and/or quoting. For the past few weeks, he's been breaking my days. When I notice that he seems to be going out of his way not to link me (and I'm pretty sure this perception is not mere bloggernoia) I'm going to call attention to it.

    To do otherwise would be to allow myself to be disrespected, as if tacitly acknowledging that I am unworthy of linkage. Like I say, if you volunteer to be a doormat, you can't complain about the footprints on your back.

    When Allah doesn't link me, it's like Moe Green slapping around Fredo. He is proclaiming to the world that I am insignificant, that I suck. There is a limit to how much of that sadistic, spiteful non-linkage a guy can take before he starts resenting it, unless he's a stupid putz like Fredo, which I'm not.