Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dibs on 'Allah hates me' Google-bomb

Allah hates me. Why? Because I'm not a Cool Kid:
Why have I never been cool? Because cool people, by definition, are never enthusiastic. “Cool” is the antithesis of such words as cheerful, energetic, optimistic. All the Cool Kids wear black, quote Nietzsche, and stare blankly at the world muttering darkly cynical aphorisms that no one outside their clique can hope to fathom.
My career as a Cool Kid peaked one Friday afternoon in April 1977 . . .
Read the whole thing.

UPDATE: Brother Dave cites Terry Pratchett:
The monastery of the Monks of Cool is found in a laid back valley in the lower Ramtop mountains. They are a reserved and secretive sect and believe that only through ultimate coolness can the universe be comprehended, that black goes with everything, and that chrome will never truly go out of style. To become a fully accepted Monk, a novice is given the following test. Several outfits are laid out in front of him and the tester asks, "Yo, my son, which of these outfits is the most stylish thing to wear?" The correct answer is "Hey, whatever I select."
Righteous, brother. You're cool. And I mean that in an utterly unironic way, too.


  1. I teach you the Superman. Man is something that is to be surpassed. What have ye done to surpass man?
    All beings hitherto have created something beyond themselves: and ye want to be the ebb of that great tide, and would rather go back to the beast than surpass man?
    What is the ape to man? A laughing-stock, a thing of shame. And just the same shall man be to the Superman: a laughing-stock, a thing of shame.
    Ye have made your way from the worm to man, and much within you is still worm. Once were ye apes, and even yet man is more of an ape than any of the apes.
    Even the wisest among you is only a disharmony and hybrid of plant and phantom. But do I bid you become phantoms or plants?
    Lo, I teach you the Superman!

  2. The only thing I'm wondering (now that the statute of limitations has expired) is: did you commit the armed robbery?

  3. can you ditch the meat add?

  4. Well, I think you're a Cool Adult, RS!