1,434 pages, $789 billion and . . .

. . . not a red cent for me. Or you. Isn't that kind of interesting? I mean, Congress porks up a massive package that's supposed to stimulate the economy, and yet they're not giving me or you one thin dime? Who's getting all this money?

Never mind. It's such an emergency that they're going to vote to pass this damn thing Friday, before anyone can even begin to figure out where all that money's actually going. Philip Klein:

If they don't sleep, perhaps the American people will get a window of a few hours to learn what's happening with $789 billion of their money.

Michelle Malkin:

Chuck Schumer says we don’t care. President Obama says we don’t need anymore debate.

Allahpundit:

Hey, Michelle Lee Muccio is kinda hot.

OK, just a little snark to lighten things up. (I saw her first, Allah; she sent me the video via Facebook.) But now, back to the total bummer: The Economic Destruction Act of 2009 doesn't need more debate. The Democrats are going to rape the taxpayers, Arlen Specter's Jellyfish Caucus is going to assist in the crime, and that's all there is to it.

UPDATE: Via Sister Toldjah, Obama lied, jobs died:

President Obama today repeated the claim we asked about yesterday at the press briefing that Jim Owens, the CEO of Caterpillar, Inc., "said that if Congress passes our plan, this company will be able to rehire some of the folks who were just laid off."
Caterpillar announced 22,000 layoffs last month.
But after the president left the event, Owens said the exact opposite.
Asked if the stimulus package would be able to stop the 22,000 layoffs or not, Owens said, "I think realistically no. The truth is we're going to have more layoffs before we start hiring again"

Ain't Hope wonderful?

UPDATE II: Conn Carroll of the Heritage Foundation says the actual pricetag of the Economic Destruction Act of 2009 will be $3.27 trillion. No matter how you calculate it, the amount going to me -- and I'm the only person I really care about -- is zero. And the amount going to you is exactly the same. So, that's two of us getting zero out of this transaction, buddy.

Somewhere out there are some people who are actually going to cash in big-time, and right now they're doing the happy dance. Look around you tomorrow, and if you see anybody looking especially happy, punch 'em in the nose. Call it "social justice."

UPDATE III: Jimmie at Sundries Shack:

Just know, as you're at work tomorrow, that the Democrats will be voting to spend about $800 billion dollars without having the foggiest idea what they'll be spending it all on. Oh, to be sure, they know how much money they'll spend on their little pet projects but that's it. They are taking on faith that throwing all that money at our economy is going to be good for us, even though they have no good idea where all the money is going to land.

Oh, they know enough, Jimmie. Not a penny for me, not a nickel for you, not a dime for any actual hard-working Ordinary American types. It's all going to the special interests that pump money and votes into the Democratic Party. You can go down to Hope HQ and try applying for your share of the "stimulus," if you want to give them a chance to laugh directly in your face.