Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Levi Johnston: 'Sex on skates'

New York Magazine:
We'll have a roundup of pundit reactions later, and we're sure that you have your own points of view. . . .
We have a different question: HOW HOT IS THE BABY DADDY? . . . . Look at that face. John McCain is definitely winning the cougar vote now, on top of the Jamie-Lynn Spears vote.
Johnston is basically the quintessential example of that guy who you are constantly worried is going to impregnate your daughter (and occasionally does). He's a handsome stud, an athletic star, and he has a criminal record.
OK, I've been getting a lot of grief for slogging Levi "f---in' redneck" Johnston on an earlier post, mainly because I figured by knocking up Bristol Palin, he was helping Obama. But traffic is through the roof with people Googling for "boyfriend Levi Johnston" and so I'm sensing that this might go the other way.

Between "Sarah Palin bikini pics" and this young studpuppy shagging 17-year-old Bristol, the choice of the VPILF has added a sexy factor to the GOP ticket. America loves a good soap opera, especially the R-rated kind on HBO where the studly teenage hockey player is getting jiggy with the governor's jailbait daughter.

Brangelina, Britney and K-Fed, Levi and Bristol -- look, if the American people want "The OC" at the Naval Observatory, who am I to argue? So I'm beating Ace to the punch and jumping to the front of the line for Google hits for "Levi Johnston hung like a moose." Also, if anyone has photos of Levi Johnston in his underwear, send 'em on.

I'm a capitalist blogger, and traffic is traffic.

UPDATE: Getting lots of e-mails from people weighing in on the issue, mostly seeing the human-interest side of the story. Conservatives definitely seem to be rallying in support of Bristol Palin, and so Team Maverick may come out ahead on this after all.

Despite my ribald reaction to all this, I am a father of six (including three teenagers) and I do believe that babies are a blessing, not a "punishment." And long before I'd ever heard of Bristol Palin, I said "thank God for Jamie Lynn Spears" and blogged about my favorite famous teenage mothers. So those of you supporting Bristol, I'm on your side.

However, I'm also a journalist writing about politics and as such, I have to wonder how this is playing with the undecided swing voters out there. (Obama just hit 50% for the first time in Gallup's daily tracking poll.) Does the sudden eruption of distracting chatter about Palin's family make Team Maverick look incompetent? Was she properly vetted? What does this decision say about Crazy Cousin John's executive judgment?

Politics ain't beanbag. The Democrats and the MSM smell blood in the water, and I have no idea what the result will be Nov. 4. Maybe, just maybe, the story of how "Bristol Gone Wild" got knocked up by Levi "f---in' redneck" Johnston will strike a sympathetic chord in the American psyche, finally bringing out a pro-life majority.

Stranger things have happened, I suppose, and God moves in mysterious ways. But at this point, objectively, I'd say a Republican victory in November would be a miracle. Conservatives need to spend more time praying, and less time hassling capitalist bloggers who are guilty of nothing more sinister than shameless traffic-baiting.

UPDATE II: Just checked with Dr. Melissa Clouthier, who confirms that Levi had totally got the I-want-to-have-his-babies factor working in his favor: "He's hot," says Dr. Melissa.

UPDATE III: As much as studly young Levi brings out Dr. Melissa's inner cougar, Little Miss Attila says she's more eager to see shirtless photos of Todd Palin. Yeah -- chicks dig the rugged, macho, 40-something dudes. I get that all the time.

5 comments:

  1. You were earning more cool points taking the young idiot to task for confusing his manhood with a joystick.

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  2. Nice face, but I'm not seeing a lot of skin, there. Don't you have anything of him shirtless, or at least in a tank top?

    Shorts wouldn't hurt, either--doesn't it get humid up there in the summertime?

    Hey! Does he volunteer for the Fire Department? Or do construction during the summer break?

    Stacy, Stacy, Stacy . . . you are one of the silliest people I know. Such a mix of gutter-level opportunism and prissy schoolmarmish public scolding.

    And your crazy cousin John (my distant cousin by marriage, one supposes) is going to win this November, no matter how the polls are going now, and BECAUSE OF (not despite) the way the media are beating up the Palins.

    And I'm going to die laughing!

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  3. Hot for Hockey HunkWed Sep 03, 05:45:00 PM

    Yup! I'd hire Levi as my pool boy...and I don't have a pool.

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  4. Ok, I have to confess that I googled Levi Johnston boyfriend (or something) and wound up here on this blog...but you are correct across the board. I'm sure he bragged to the football team...

    But you can believe he was 'trapped' into this marriage and it won't be long before he'll be looking for something on the side.

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  5. I'm astounded that Sarah Palin has done so many things -- BA in communications, sports journalist, mom, politician -- and she's denying those same things to her daughter.

    I'm waiting -- make that dying -- for a ballsy journalist to ask Sarah up-front: "Did you ever have sex outside your marriage?" I'd be willing to bet the answer's "yes", which if so means she was lucky, and Bristol wasn't. Which means she's punishing her daughter.

    I'm dying to see how the whole thing plays out. I'm betting on a mysterious miscarriage, or adoption, or Levi saying he's had it with this s--t and walking out.

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