Tabloid update: Cher & Tom Cruise

Bored with Barack Obama and the Rev. Wright? Just head over to WeSmirch.com and get the latest updated celebrity gossip, including this bit of retro-gossip:

In what sounds like a real-life, all-star version of The Graduate, Cher is now admitting to having acted upon a long-ago crush on the much younger Tom Cruise. Their happy time together took place just as Cruise, now 45, was kicking off his career 25 years ago, the 61-year-old diva tells Oprah Winfrey for an upcoming show taped in Las Vegas. "I was so crazy about him," says Cher, who was 39 when she reportedly met the 23-year-old Cruise at a White House fund-raiser in the mid-'80s, not long after his breakthrough role in 1983's Risky Business. . . .

Let's see: Greg Allman, Gene Simmons, David Geffen, Richie Sambora, Tom Cruise . . . who didn't Cher sleep with? She's like an amusement park ride -- stand in line and take a number, guys. And be sure to fasten your seatbelt, or you might fall in off.

UPDATE: Speaking of "take a number," Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Ashley Dupre, who had sued "Girls Gone Wild," now appears in a video -- in the shower -- exonerating Joe Francis. The video shows her (fake?) ID.

UPDATE II: Charlie Sheen and hookers -- does that even qualify as "gossip" anymore? Except for Denise Richards, has Charlie ever dated anyone he wasn't paying for? Oh, wait . . . now that I recall his divorce settlement, I guess Charlie ended up paying for Denise, too. My suggestion to future Charlie Sheen girlfriends: Get your payment in advance, in cash.