Michael Gerson describes chronicles is the No. 1 symptom of the decline of journalism

The World's Most Useless Douchebag -- co-author of the infamous sentence, "Herewith, a brief primer" -- decides to do some real reporting. By visiting the Newseum:

Like the nearby Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History, the Newseum -- Washington's museum dedicated to journalism -- displays dinosaurs. . . .
Behind a long rack of preserved, historic front pages, there is a kind of journalistic mausoleum, displaying the departed. The Ann Arbor News, closed July 23 after 174 years in print. The Rocky Mountain News, taken at age 150. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which passed quietly into the Internet. . . .
But a visit to the Newseum is a reminder that what is passing is not only a business but also a profession -- the journalistic tradition of nonpartisan objectivity. . . .

(Objectively, Michael Gerson is a douchebag.)

At its best, the profession of journalism has involved a spirit of public service and adventure -- reporting from a bomber during a raid in World War II, or exposing the suffering of Sudan or Appalachia, or rushing to the site of the World Trade Center moments after the buildings fell.

(None of which Michael Gerson has ever done.)

By these standards, the changes we see in the media are also a decline.

(And by any standard, Michael Gerson is a douchebag.)

Most cable news networks have forsaken objectivity entirely and produce little actual news, since makeup for guests is cheaper than reporting.

(Translation: "WWAAAAHH! I'm not on O'Reilly!")

Most Internet sites display an endless hunger to comment and little appetite for verification.

(Translation: "Andrew Sullivan is my favorite blogger.")

Free markets, it turns out, often make poor fact-checkers, instead feeding the fantasies of conspiracy theorists from "birthers" to Sept. 11, 2001, "truthers."

(Translation: "I'm on the payroll of a Saudi-funded think tank. What do I care about free markets?")

Bloggers in repressive countries often show great courage, but few American bloggers have the resources or inclination to report from war zones, famines and genocides.

Next time you're tempted to denounce somebody as a complete douchebag, resist the temptation, because no douchebag is more truly complete than Michael Gerson.

(Via Memeorandum. More from Mark Steyn at NRO and Big Government.)

UPDATE: It would be a terrible thing if anyone resorted to sensationalistic headlines:

Saudi-Funded Pundit Bemoans
Lack of Objective Journalism

Objectivity!

Bill O'Reilly is an obnoxious douchebag

"Talking Points Commentary," Aug. 26, 2008, with my notes in italic:

• Early this morning Ted Kennedy died from brain cancer, leaving behind a 46-year-record legacy in the U.S. Senate.

Also leaving behind a 28-year-old civil rights activist in an Oldsmobile he drove off a bridge while drunk.

• Unfortunately, there have been some vicious postings on the Internet about Senator Kennedy and they are disgraceful.

I think this is a reference to this "Talking Points Commentary" about Kennedy being "posted on the Internet." "Vicious" and "disgraceful"? Couldn't have said it better myself!

• If you're a religious person, you know that personal judgments should be made by God alone.

Unless you post negative things about Ted Kennedy, in which case God has deputized Bill O'Reilly to condemn you as "vicious" and "disgraceful." Moral Consistency [TM] is a registered trademark of Bill O'Reilly LLC; patent pending; all rights reserved.

• All of us are flawed and none of us have the right to demean a public servant who has just died. . . .

Saddam Hussein should have tried that "public servant" defense before they hanged him. Obviously, the Bill O'Reilly Principle here is that, once somebody becomes a "public servant," this negates whatever First Amendment rights you might otherwise have.

• There is no question that the Chappaquiddick incident where a young woman drowned in his car haunted Kennedy throughout his life.

Classic use of passive-voice construction to obscure Kennedy's active agency in the euphemistically described "incident." Also, as noted previously, she didn't drown, she asphyxiated. But you, Bill the Bozo, wouldn't know anything about the facts of this case, because your "talking points" were prepared by your underpaid 26-year-old staffers while you were playing racquetball at the health club. "Vicious" and "disgraceful."

• Kennedy was responsible for some excellent legislation . . .

When you've got the kind of wealth and privilege that can turn an open-and-shut case of vehicular manslaughter into a misdemeanor "leaving the scene of an accident" charge, it's a piece of cake to get yourself elected and re-elected to the Senate for 46 years, during which time, yeah, you might be "responsible for some . . . legislation." Anyone who's willing to accept Bill the Bozo's judgment as to what constitutes "excellent legislation" should avoid becoming involved in politics, or even voting, and for that matter, you probably shouldn't operate heavy machinery, either.

• Talking Points believes the Senator was well-intentioned in public policy . . .

Also "well-intentioned": Robert Mugabe, Timothy McVeigh, Pol Pot, Charles Manson . . .

• Like him or not, he was a patriot . . .

Who conspired with the Soviets to undermine Ronald Reagan's policies during the Cold War.

• . . . who was well thought of by many conservatives.

Name one. You can't. There aren't any.

Because you, Bill the Bozo, are not a conservative. You are an obnoxious douchebag and we understand that you are bound by the Douchbag Honor Code, which requires douchebags like yourself to say nice things about fellow douchebags when they die.

So if you, Bill the Bozo, get run over by a bus tomorrow, this means that Geraldo Rivera will be obliged to denounce me as "vicious" and "disgraceful" when I write "postings on the Internet" reminding people what an obnoxious douchebag you were.

On the other hand, if Geraldo Rivera gets hit by a bus tomorrow, this means that when the Grim Reaper comes for you, Bill, there may not be a douchebag sufficiently obnoxious to defend you.

Unlike Ross Douthat, Ann Coulter isnot a stuck-up Harvard douchebag

Last night, Myers The Blog Intern found an interesting clip of an Ann Coulter appearance on the Glenn Beck show in March, when she described George Soros as a "Nazi collaborator."

Some liberal commenter (who may or may not be just another Media Matters hack) complained about Miss Coulter's characterization of Soros. And indeed, it is a serious accusation, since being a "Nazi collaborator" would make Soros worse than Neville Chamberlain and as bad as postmodern philosopher Martin Heidegger, although certainly no worse than France.

The liberal commenter seemed to feel that I was obliged to pass judgment on the accuracy of Miss Coulter's assessment, prompting my reply:

I think that if you have a problem with Miss Coulter's description of the wartime adventures of George Soros, you should take that up with Miss Coulter.

Far be it from me to assume that she is unable to defend her own prose. However, if my assistance were required, I would certainly provide it. I would similarly assist Rush Limbaugh, Mark Steyn, Michelle Malkin, Mark Levin or any other conservative who (a) doesn't apologize for being conservative, (b) is willing to "put skin in the game" in the fight against liberalism, and (c) isn't all stuck-up like they're better than everybody else.

This explains why I've got no use for douchebag snobs like Ross Douthat and other members of that elite crowd, The Republicans Who Really Matter. A very simple test: If you think you're better than those Pennsylvanians who stood in line on a cold windy evening for a chance to see Sarah Palin, you're a douchebag.

Ann Coulter is not like that. Say what you will about her, she doesn't mind talking to Ordinary Americans:

Seated on the patio of a D.C. restaurant (note the margarita in the foreground) Ann Coulter has a conversation with an enthusiastic Obama supporter. At left is Jeff Carneal, president of Eagle Publishing, who is probably not quite so enthusiastic about Obama.

Ann Coulter poses with Alyssa Cordova of the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute.

Ann Coulter poses with Evan Gassman and Evan's girlfriend. Evan gave me a business card, so I remembered his name. His girlfriend didn't have a business card, but she was sweet.

Ann Coulter poses with investigative journalist Matthew Vadum (right) and some blogger dude who can't even remember the name of Evan Gassman's sweet girlfriend.

So you see the difference between Ann Coulter and a certain Harvard douchebag who expects everybody to be impressed by his SAT score and skinny-dipping with Bill Buckley.

Also, Ann Coulter links my blog, unlike a douchbag.

'Ever get the feeling . . .'

". . . the world exists just to annoy you personally?" Thomas J. Marier writes in an e-mail, sending along happy news that Andrew Rosenthal of the New York Times sent to his staff:

Folks:
Some exciting news. We’ve hired Ross Douthat, currently of Atlantic. Ross will be joining the Times staff in mid-April and will be based in the Washington bureau. He will start out primarily online, but will soon be writing with increasing frequency, and then regularity, on the Op-Ed page, in the Monday slot opposite Paul. At some point, he’ll also resume his work as a blogger, which I highly recommend.
If you don’t know Ross, you’ll find him funny and smart and sharp. He’s going to be a great addition to our team. I know you’ll make him welcome.
Andy

(Gritted teeth.) Congratulation, Ross! We're all so excited for you!

Now excuse me while I go swallow a bottle of sleeping pills, wash it down with a quart of Chlorox, slash my wrists, get in the car, drive to the Bay Bridge, shoot myself through the head, and crash through the guard-rail to the water below.

How long until Easter?

UPDATE: Rod Dreher is giddy like a schoolgirl.

Idiot who can't type: 'Kill QWERTY'

Absolute idiocy from a guy with an MBA and a law degree.

I rock along somewhere upwards of 60 words per minute. I actually learned to use the tool. Whereas Marc Pascal is a tool.

QWERTY rules. Anybody can get Mavis Beacon and be touch-typing 30 wpm in about six weeks with a little practice. Or not. But don't insist that the tool is flawed because you're too lazy to learn to use it.

Why we can't talk about race

"[T]he need to confront our racial past and to understand our racial present, and to understand the history of African people in this country -- that all endures. . . . Though race-related issues continue to occupy a significant portion of our political discussion, and though there remain many unresolved racial issues in this nation, we, average Americans, simply do not talk enough with each other about things racial."
-- Eric Holder

Let's start with the fact that some "talk . . . about things racial" is privileged and celebrated, whereas other "talk . . . about things racial" is streng verboten. Also, let's talk about the fact that liberals are absolutely humorless and vindictive douchebags. Or better yet, let's don't talk about it at all, because I'm tired of talking about it, and would never introduce the topic except that it seems to be just about the only thing that liberals want to talk about while they hand each other million-dollar "genius" grants and congratulate themselves on how morally superior they are.

Bite me, Eric Holder, you corrupt thug.

Michelle Malkin has more.

UPDATE: ". . . aside from the occasional insinuation that McCain’s a bigot . . ." No, not me -- this time.

UPDATE II: Lorie Byrd has an interesting reaction. She also has an interesting photo of Beyonce. NTTATWWT. (Wait a minute -- is that Beyonce or Mariah? Eh, who cares? You've seen one diva, you've seen 'em all.)

UPDATE III: Linked by Kathy Shaidle, who informs me that her "tolerant" enemies consider her very existence a human-rights violation.

UPDATE IV: Eric Holder slanders America

UPDATE V: More courageous conversation!

Thomas Marier, worthless scum

Trying to generate some traffic for his latest post at The New Majority, Thomas J. Marier sent me an e-mail: "I humbly request that you denounce me by name in the strongest terms possible." In my efforts at mentoring young intellectuals, I'm always happy to help a vicious Trotskyite douchebag who deserves to be shipped off to Gitmo in chains.