What next? Over-the-counter roofies?

Plan B -- the drug that allows guys to breathe a sigh of relief the morning after using some chick for selfish pleasure -- will now be available to 17-year-olds without a prescription.

Who cares that she's not even old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes legally? Get her drunk on wine coolers, get what you want, then the next morning, take her to CVS to get Plan B and make sure there's no chance the slut will show up in a few months talking child support payments and DNA tests.

So guys, if you screw a 17-year-old and "forget" to use a condom, remember: Nothing says "thanks a lot, you cheap whore" like the gift of Plan B!

UPDATE: Linked at Mahablog and Pandagon, both of whom ascribe my comments to mental pathology. OK, let's unpack that, shall we?

First, I am anecdotally acquainted with specific examples of how guys are using Plan B in exactly the way described: "Hey, I don't have to use a condom! Just take her to the CVS in the morning and dose her with the 'morning-after pill,' and I'm off the hook!" And their partners feel demeaned by this treatment: "Wow, he really doesn't want to risk a permanent commitment with me, does he?"

Mahablog particularly repeats the lie -- and it's not the first time -- that my comments about the FLDS cult in Texas were intended as an endorsement of their polygamous practices. Rather, I was pointing out the abusive overreach of the Texas officials, who mounted a SWAT raid and put all of the FLDS children in custody, even tiny infants. And I was also pointing out the hypocritical double standard involved, since the putative object of the raid was to prevent teenage motherhood, even while Texas led the nation in teenage pregnancy: "If they're going to stage a paramilitary raid every time a 15-year-old gets pregnant in Texas, they're going to need to hire a lot more SWAT officers."

Finally, and I know this will produce gasps of astonishment from you feminists: Men and women are not "equal," in the sense of being identical and therefore fungible. The sexes are different in ways that are socially important, and only a radical egalitarian fanatic would argue otherwise.

Thus, the idiot commenter who accuses me of denying women's "agency" in sexual activity has ludicrously missed the mark. I don't for a moment deny that women voluntarily choose to have sex; what I deny is that their motives and reasons for doing so are, in general, the same as men's motives and reasons.

The academic/political/legal forces that would compel us to pretend that men and women are identical are engaged in denial of truths that are obvious to any stand-up comedian. C'mon, people: How many thousands of stand-up routines have been built upon observing the differences between men and women? And we laugh because these observations are true.

Yes, men do tend to fetishize power tools and other grown-up "toys." Yes, women are kind of crazy about shoes. Yes, men do tend to go into a store, find exactly what they want and buy it, while women tend to linger in the mall for hours "just looking." Men and women are different, and even if you don't exactly fit the gender-role stereotype, the general differences are observable and funny as hell when Jerry Seinfeld or Jeff Foxworthy points them out.

Gender differences even hold true among homosexuals, as Andrew Sullivan once pointed out by repeating this joke:

Q. What does a lesbian bring on her second date?
A. A U-Haul trailer.
Q. What does a gay man bring on a second date?
A. What's a second date?

Which is to say, the female tendency toward domesticity -- the preference for long-term relationships -- persists even in the otherwise anti-traditional world of lesbianism, and the male tendency toward promiscuity is even more marked among gay men, who don't have women to say "no" to them.

In general, among heterosexual singles, men and women approach the mating ritual with different objectives. The fact that more women nowadays play the role of sexual aggressors cannot be denied, but is an understandable response to decades of egalitarian dogma pumped into the culture. Despite this shift, it is nevertheless still true that women generally date in search of a long-term committed relationship, while men (especially successful, attractive men) are more generally content to "play the field."

It is only the feminist ideologue -- with her androgynous insistence that all things must be equal -- who considers it "empowering" for women to imitate male behavior in the dating game. Men and women are different, and this "pro-sex feminist" strategy of empowerment through promiscuity ultimately disadvantages all women.

But don't let me trouble you with these quibbles, you egalitarian fanatics. Stay comfortable inside your ideological bubble, viewing me as a boorish right-wing misogynist, and employing your Adorno/Hofstadter thesis that all conservatives are repressed mental cases to dismiss any evidence or argument that might contradict your worldview. And when you start reading crime stories about teenage girls being abused by men who use Plan B as part of their exploitation strategies, interpret that data through your narrow prism, ignoring the possibility that you just might be wrong about some things.

UPDATE II: Wow, my third Malkin Award nomination since February! I'd like to thank the Academy . . .

UPDATE III: After commenters are done excoriating me as a "clueless douchebag," they might want to check out Monique Stuart's take on this:

The beauty of a prescription being required is that it might actually involve some parental guidance. That is why this judge is against it. They want to detach children from their parents' social mores.
The drug companies are also involved. They want to make money, and they'll be making a lot more of it if all of this would become over the counter. . . . This is about the companies that produce these drugs opening themselves up to a wider market. It's disgusting.
Anyway, parents just lost some more of their rights. The government, primarily through the courts, have told parents time and again that they have no business in their childrens' lives.

Right. We're just breeder units, producing taxpayer-drones for The State.

UPDATE IV: "Do her. Dose her. Ditch her." Really, Jimmie, I think the Bar Kays said it best:

Hit and run,
You played your game so well,
You really made it hard to tell
That all you planned
Was a one-night stand.

How is it that being an easy pushover for a selfish user is now regarded as "liberation," and anyone who tries to wise you up by pointing out the simple facts of the game is a misogynist oppressor?