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Why do they continue to obsess over this idea? Frankly, most of them are artsy "creative" types who once sneered at the crude allure of Mammon. Liza Mundy writes:
My own favorite, albeit fictional, example is the playwright-actor played by the playwright-actor Wallace Shawn in My Dinner with Andre. Back when he was a rich kid living on the upper East Side, the Wally character marvels, "all I thought about was art and music," and in this he was strikingly like Ellin and her cohort, or really any writer who grew up in upper-middle class comfort. But now that he's a middle-aged writer, and knows how hard it is to keep the lifestyle to which he'd become accustomed, "all I think about is money."Here is Ellen Tarlin:
And, believe me, some days I kick myself because frankly, it never ever in a million years occurred to me to marry for money or even to look for a guy with money or even to think about money. . . . I was always attracted to artists: actors, musicians, filmmakers, writers.Which is to say, there is a generous helping of sour grapes on that envy salad.
More than being poor, I was terrified of being ordinary, normal, middle-class, like everyone else. . . . I remember saying to my punk high school boyfriend . . . that I was worried that someday I'd end up living in the suburbs married to a fat doctor. Would that I was married to a fat doctor now! Preferably one in private practice!
I figure you pick a mate that resonates with your needs and goals. If you want to create, you will only "see" creative people, and will pick one to make a couple with (or try to). If you want security - or social position - or access to lots of money - then you have a criteria for building yourself an intimate social niche. It might or might not look much like a family, depending on whether you are thinking of a family or not.
ReplyDeleteI would caution most SugarDaddy seekers, though. Getting picked means you are devoting yourself to being evaluated as a person - on your eye-candy appeal, on your virility image indicator value, or on your concubine/courtesan/call girl professionalism. This is *not* the road to self fulfillment.
And the lady that now wands the security of a doctor's home? She should pray that this is one more wish that never comes true. Being a spouse is a life-path as constrained and dedicated as any other. As far as I know, there are no easy answers.