It's all a CONSPIRACY!

Paranoids everywhere, put on your tinfoil hats and brace yourself for this scary news:

President-elect Barack Obama's swearing-in Tuesday will incorporate several elements out of America's Masonic past.
One-third of the signers of the Constitution, many of the Bill of Rights signers and America's first few presidents (except for Thomas Jefferson) were Freemasons, a fraternal organization that became public in early 18th-century England.
Although it became fabulously popular in America, at one time encompassing 10 percent of the population, Pope Clement XII condemned Freemasonry in 1738 as heretical. The latest pronouncement was issued in 1983 by then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger - now Pope Benedict XVI - who called Masonic practices "irreconcilable" with Catholic doctrine.
Still, as the first president, George Washington had to come up with appropriate rituals for the new country. He borrowed many of them from Masonic rites he knew as "worshipful leader" of a lodge in Alexandria.

Democrat, Republican, black, white -- no matter who's the president, the Bavarian Illuminati are still secretly running the show. With able assistance, of course, from the Trilateral Commission, the Bildeburgers, the Committee on Foreign Relations, the IMF, the Federal Reserve, Bohemian Grove, Skull and Bones and -- who can forget? -- the Zionists.

New World Order! Blue helmets! Area 51! Neocons! Paranoids can fit a myriad of contradictions into their demented worldview. The only thing they can't deal with is sarcasm. We now return you to the George Noory show . . .