Monday, June 9, 2008

She loves the bad boys

A common problem for Hollywood hotties:
State Attorney General Andrew Andrew Cuomo is investigating a children's charity operated by the controversial boyfriend of sexy "Devil Wears Prada" star Anne Hathaway, who until recently sat on the group's board of directors, The Post has learned.
Cuomo's investigators in recent weeks served subpoenas seeking financial documents from the Follieri Foundation, which is headed by Hathaway's beau, 29-year-old Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri, the AG's office confirmed yesterday.
This is so sad, because it's so easily preventable. I should open a "Hottie Helpline," offering fatherly advice to sexy starlets who are tempted to hook up with some cokehead rap star or greasy Eurotrash hustler named "Raffaello." My advice in this situation:
To start with, Anne, if you're running around half-naked all the time, that's practically a guarantee you'll get stuck with the "Raffaello" type. Call it the Britney Principle -- the less underwear you wear, the more scummy the guys you'll be hanging out with. Or, as I once explained it, "Girls who leave nothing to the imagination will tend to attract men with no imagination." (Which kind of explains that whole Kevin Federline thing, you see?)
It's not that you've got a bad body, Anne, or that guys don't like to look at it. It's just that when a girl goes flashing her stuff all around in public, guys automatically think: "Floozy. Tramp. Buy her a four-pack of wine coolers, and she'll put out like a Pez dispenser."
Call us a bunch of sexist troglodyte misogynists, but that's how guys think. And you know why? Because it's usually true -- and girls know it, too. Admit it, ladies: If you've got a co-worker who shows up at the office every day in a miniskirt and a deep-plunge cleavage blouse, you leap to the same conclusion that guys do: "Jezebel. Slut. Probably spends her weekends doing tricks in a truck-stop parking lot."
So, please, Anne Hathaway, dump that sleazy Raffaello dude, stop dressing like an East L.A. streetwalker, and try to find yourself a nice wholesome Republican guy who'll treat you right. Like Matt Keller.
This has been the first episode of "Hottie Helpline." Please come back next week, when we have a little talk with Lindsay Lohan about getting jiggy in the toilet.
UPDATE: Did I say "bad boys"? How could I miss the Clinton connection to this story?

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