Exegesis for Nancy Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi needs help finding her favorite Bible verse. Michelle Malkin explains:

On Earth Day, Nancy Pelosi quoted the Bible: "The Bible tells us in the Old Testament, 'To minister to the needs of God's creation is an act of worship. To ignore those needs is to dishonor the God who made us.' On this Earth Day, and every day, let us honor the earth and our future generations with a commitment to fight climate change." . . .
CNS News asked other Bible scholars for the source of the quote in the Old Testament that Nancy Pelosi keeps invoking.
They can’t find it either.
Can you?

Normally, I don't help Democrats, but because I am bitterly clinging to my religion -- and since I'm already working with Rush Limbaugh to help Hillary Clinton stage her comeback -- in this case I'll be happy to cite chapter and verse. Genesis 1:28:

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

This verse kind of pisses off the Planned Parenthood crowd, to say nothing of the animal-rights activists.

Of course, Mrs. Pelosi is a typical liberal hypocrite in this regard. She supports population control, but has five children herself, much like Al Gore, who frets about mankind overwhelming the Earth but is a father of four, or Ted Turner, who supports China's one-child policy but is himself a father of five.

Since Mrs. Pelosi seems to be in such need of biblical guidance, I suppose she won't mind a backslid Baptist preaching her an old-time gospel sermon.

Because, you see, if you'll "spend a little time in the Word" -- as we bitter Bible-clingers are wont to do -- once you get finished reading the Old Testament, you come to something we call the New Testament, which is about a guy named Jesus. Maybe you heard of him.

Now, if there is one thing that Jesus hated, it was a hypocrite. This was his big beef with the scribes and Pharisees and other Jewish leaders of his day. The Pharisees were kind of like federal bureaucrats, in that they had the Jews all tangled up in details of the law, even while the fundamental principles of justice were being trampled underfoot. Matthew 22:23:

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

Sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it? For yea, verily, I say unto you, once there was a mighty ruler, who preached condemnation on the rich, and heaped on the people burdensome taxes, though he himself was wealthy and his estate was untaxed. Hypocrite, thy name is Ted Kennedy!

O, dear brethren, let us continue in Matthew 23, and turn now to the words of Jesus in verse 27:

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.

Now, my brothers, once there was a ruler who made war upon another nation, smiting them hip and thigh. Then after a season, that ruler left his high office, and another took his stead. But when this new ruler also made war upon that same nation, and smote them and conquered them, the old ruler cried out against his successor, saying, "Lo! he hath made war falsely and hath lied unto the people!" even though the second ruler had made war under the same premises as the first. Woe unto you hypocrite, Bill Clinton!

My brethren, I could keep preaching all day, but the offering plate's looking a little light this morning and I can smell the fried chicken the church ladies are cooking for potluck down in the fellowship hall. So I'm going to call it quits and let the choir sing a purty little hymn for you, and y'all come back next week, y'hear?

UPDATE: I'm much obliged to Mrs. Malkin for dropping a big link in the offering plate. And speaking of potluck with the church ladies, I'll remind you that the "World's Worst Person" once fed me lunch. What an odd coincidence that I quoted the Bible in that post, too.

Well, like I said, I could keep preaching all day, brothers and sisters, but the Rev. Stacy Bob has other duties to attend to, like counseling the young folks in our flock, for I fear they may grow weak in the struggle and yield to the temptations of the flesh. I keep telling 'em to study I Corinthians 7:9, and to remember that the Rev. Stacy Bob is available for weddings. God bless y'all.

UPDATE II: Hallelujah! Deacon Ed Morrisey lends comfort to Sister Nancy:

Apparently hoping to reach out to the bitter gun-hugging xenophobes of middle America, Pelosi adopted the Sunday Schoolmarm pose and told us that God wanted us to worship Gaia.

Now, it's kinda funny that Deacon Ed should mention this wicked sin of earth-worship, because it puts me in mind of another favorite passage of mine. Turn with me now to the first chapter of Romans, verses 18-25:

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.
For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

Now, like they say, read the whole thing, and see if you can't figure out why -- along about verses 26 and 27 -- some of Sister Nancy's constituents get a mite upset with that chapter.

UPDATE II: Rev. Ace and the AOSHQ Gospel Choir have at it.