You'll pay for this, Jules Crittenden!

In writing about Andrew Sullivan, the city editor of a Boston newspaper manages to use two painfully suggestive terms, "bottomless" and "cavernous." I'm billing him for two cases of industrial-strength brain bleach.

Meanwhile, I previously overlooked the latest not-to-be-missed Ace beatdown on Sully's latest excursion to insanity. And Michelle Malkin is moved to mercy:

Perhaps the publisher and editors of the august Atlantic magazine should consider giving the man an extended sick leave.
Or at least some Zyprexa.

About three bottles of Zyprexa ought to do the trick, if washed down with enough whiskey. Mercy.

Jules Crittenden misses punch line

by Smitty

Gadhaffy Dhuck is a fantastic post about ol' Moammar, mentioning M's disgruntlement with the Swiss over M's son Hannibal moving elephants through the Alps or something, and there having being Swiss hostages taken as a result of the spat.

The idea of taking Moammar himself hostage during his US visit would achieve cosmic justice if they held him in Greenock Prison until he wised up and released the Swiss hostages.

But that kind of heavy-handedness is wrong if the West does it, I suppose.

Traffic surges from anti-Obama backlash and Carrie Prejean nude . . .

. . . but mostly from Carrie Prejean nude. Should I be ashamed to be the Google-bomb prophet? Would it have been better to let Perez Hilton, hateful lefties and trashy gossip blogs monopolize all that "Carrie Prejean nude" traffic?

Did I mention I flat-out stole the headline shtick from Ace of Spades HQ?

If loving traffic is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Because whatever you write ain't nothing until somebody reads it and, out here in the 'sphere, ain't nobody going to read it until somebody gives you the linky-love.

Rule 2. Just the facts, Jack.

But if you take the linky-love, you gotta give the linky-love. The whole point of having more traffic is to shower the hits on the blogs you love. Which is why I so much enjoyed turning Jules Crittenden into Marie Osmond's lesbian daughter.

Because I'm a giver. Even if Allah hates me. And you want gold 30% off retail.

Oscar winners: 'Slumdog,' two hotties, dead guy, and Hollywood's most anti-American actor

(BUMPED; UPDATE) Hurray for Bollywood! Slumdog Millionaire takes eight -- count 'em 8! -- Oscars, none of them in the acting categories: Muy caliente Penelope Cruz got Best Supporting actress, room-temperature Heath Ledger got Best Supporting Actor, Sean Penn won Best Actor, and the Academy Award for Best Nude Actress went to Kate Winslet.

Sorry I didn't live-blog the ceremony but -- as Jules predicted -- the tedium was just too overpowering.

PREVIOUSLY: Jules Crittenden predicts utter ennui. And yet there is the Best Actress nomination for Kate Winslet, who has appeared nude in 10 films, beginning with Heavenly Creatures in 1994 and continuing through this year's Oscar-nominated turn in The Reader.

Which is to say that, on average, Kate's gotten nakies for the camera every 18 months since she turned 18. Is Jules trying to tell us he doesn't like Kate nakies? Or that he's bored with the whole kinky-Nazi genre? Or does he mean to tell us that Kate nakies is such a prohibitive favorite that there is no suspense?

Clarification is necessary. Meanwhile, if you want to clean up with late bets in Vegas, put your money on Victor Morton's choices. Because Victor is always right. Far right.

UPDATE: Donald Douglas picks Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting Actress (Rule 5 alert).

UPDATE II: Steve Mason picks 'em at Big Hollywood.

UPDATE III: Jules is liveblogging the Oscars. Also, I corrected the spelling of Winslet's name. (Why did I think it was 2 T's?)

UPDATE IV: Ed Morrissey has some Oscar gossip. Also, the ratings and ad revenue suck this year, and Noel Shepard has more.

UPDATE V: E-mail from my best source:

Yes, Kate is a prohibitive favorite to win, as a career Oscar ... though naturally the Academy not only is gonna honor her for a bad movie, but even the weaker of her two performances in December Oscarbaition releases this year (she was much better in REVOLUTIONARY CHOAD).
I think playing a Nazi helps you more than being naked (otherwise, Marisa Tomei would win every year).

UPDATE VI: Vox Day nurses a grudge:

I concluded very early on that the movie awards were a complete charade when the greatest movie in the history of film-making didn't win an Oscar for best movie. Since Star Wars was spurned by the Academy voters . . .

Via Memeorandum (Rule 3).

UPDATE VII: Mary Katharine Ham just Twittered:

Although, I will say that Daniel Craig is like a really sexy Mr. Potato Head.

No, I don't know what that means, either.