Welcome to the National Council for the Old America!

Unlike Eric Cantor's National Council for a New America, our organization is not interested in "dialogue." We're a bunch of old codgers and we're going to tell you upstart, smart-alecky whippersnappers how things are supposed to be, just like they were back in the good old days.

We are a not a "broad-based coalition" and we aren't about "new ideas." We're not going to have any workshops with Dana Perino, Ed Gillespie and Tony Fratto. Because we're sick and tired of you whiny little brats moping around, wearing all-black clothes, and listening to that crappy music.

It's my way or the highway! Shape up or ship out! As long as you live under my roof, kids, you'll live by my rules! And if you punks don't like it, you can move out of the basement and pay your own dadgum way.

And get a haircut. You look like a freak.