Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Most Cynical Blog Post Evah

In the Hot Air Green Room:
My blogging sucks worse than Meghan McCain. I am a worthless, pathetic excuse for a human being, undeserving of any praise or reward. Everything I do is wrong, and if I were Allah, I wouldn’t link me, either.
I'd tell you to go read the whole thing, but you won't click the link, because I suck so bad.

UPDATE: Hat-tip to Hot Air Headlines, because Allah read my mind:
Embittered people are typically good people who have worked hard at something important, such as a job or a relationship or activity, Linden says. When something unexpectedly awful happens — they don’t get the promotion, the wife files for divorce or they fail to make the Olympic team — a profound sense of injustice overtakes them.
"When something unexpectedly awful happens," like Allah not linking me, you see, or Ross Douthat getting an op-ed column in the New York Times at age twenty freaking nine . . .

UPDATE II: In case you are one of the two or three unfortunate souls who tried to read it, my Post Of Profound Suckitude is about top-down "boss"-style management and dysfunctional organizations (like the Republican Party), an expansion on the long post I did yesterday.

But while being unlinked by Allah is horribly destructive to a blogger's self-esteem, it's a walk in the sunshine compared to the unrelenting misery being inflicted on The Washington Times newsroom by their new management:
From: John Solomon
To: [Washington Times newsroom]
Subject: Accuracy and Fairness
Accuracy, precision, fairness and balance are our essential coins of credibility in the marketplace. As we expand our product line and our workload, we cannot allow these pillars of journalism to be compromised by shortcuts, sloppiness or deadlines. To ensure we all live up to the promise, I am instituting the following reforms effective immediately:
1) Any reporter or editor who makes an error in a story that requires a published correction must submit a letter to the Executive Editor and Managing Editor explaining the mistake and what corrective actions were taken. These letters will be placed in your permanent personnel file.
2) Any reporters or editors who submit stories or content without fair comment or adequate balance will have their stories bounced from the lineup until they are corrected.
3) All reporters who have had stories with published corrections in the last year and any editors who inserted errors into copy will be required to take a mandatory class on accuracy and precision to be held the first week of June and led by Carleton Bryant.
So, your newsroom is already understaffed and demoralized, its grim survivors hanging on by their fingernails under the increased workload heaped upon them, and your solution is to require the staff to submit more paperwork and attend a mandatory class on "accuracy and precision."

See? In a functional organization, you'd just chew people out when they screwed up, and fire them if they screwed up once too often. Instead, it is necessary to issue this blanket threat of Kafkaesque humiliation, where adult professionals are compelled to go through the journalistic equivalent of Maoist "self-criticism."

It's sheer sadism. By God, I'm not sorry I quit.

UPDATE III: The Washington Times should hire Dave Burge.


  1. Evah?
    "I said to the man are you trying to tempt me?
    Because I come from the land of plenty*"

    *Where 'plenty' is shorthand for 'plenty of crypto-Marxist assclowns hell-bent on destroying everything good about the country in the name of "fairness".

  2. That sucky post on sucking posts sucks right down to the last sucky taunt but you're right. I'm not clicking it because of the suck involved in clicking. I decline to help you suck more by reading sucky stuff. If you think that sucks, well, just read your archives and see how the suck deepens with the passing of time. God help me, even this comment sucks. You have created a votex of suck and I must FLEE!

  3. Flee if you can..

    but the suckiness of the posting will drag you back in..

  4. Just when you think your out, the suck pulls you back in.

  5. The NY times (which hires Brooks and Douthat as serious commentary) quotes you...

    ... you admit receiving the kiss-of-death in the first sentence, and then proceed to wonder why no one wants to put you on the front page?