Monday, July 13, 2009

The Annals of the Telprompter XXIX

by Smitty (h/t Drudge)

  1. Samson had his hair. King David, his sling. And Barack Obama, his teleprompter.
  2. And it came to pass, on the 13th day of July of that very odd year for all in the land, 2009, that the teleprompter, gravid with the weighty words of The One,
  3. Did gravity-check itself while he was indeed mid-sentence, giving birth to a tinkling mess of tiny teleprompters, too young and innocent in His sight to remember The Words that had just been scrolling across their shiny little parts.
  4. “Oh, goodness,” a startled President Obama said. “Sorry about that, guys.”
  5. He then proceeded on with his remarks, “To pull our economy back from the brink, including the largest and most sweeping economic recovery plan in our nation's history…”
  6. For the rest of the speech the president relied on the one remaining teleprompter, to his right, and notes on his podium to finish his speech.
  7. Shards of glass remained near the president’s feet for the duration of his speech.
  8. And the chief sycophant Gibbs did hastily prepare remarks to the effect that this was a joyous event, that the little teleprompters would be nurtured into a new clutch of glorious teleprompters,
  9. and that this event was in no way a sign of Divine disfavor, not the antithesis of a Dove descending, and it was at most an act of overt ill will plotted by Rush Limbaugh, or Karl Rove, or even pro-Cheney elements remaining embedded at the CIA.
  10. Janet Napolitano immediately suspected a deranged Iraq war veteran running amok with a hex wrench of having perpetrated an act of overt insurrection.
  11. Rahm Emmanuel, while unwilling to dignify the situation with the label 'crisis', was also unwilling to let the fragments go to waste, figuring to score a few sheckles each for keychains and accessories, even as much as a pair of earrings.
  12. But the people of the land knew the symbolic importance of the teleprompter, how that its anguished self-sacrifice was a plea for rebirth, as a nation cried out for release from the worst outburst of Ugly Bar Charts and Heinous Line Graphs since Ross Perot ran for POTUS in 1992.


  1. First, Drudge has three whole days of "AssGate." Now this?

    Did anybody check if an unidentified black man carved a "B" on the prompter before it crashed?

  2. And lo, there came forth a Smitty, who did mock The One, and it was good.

  3. And Smitty said: 'Let there be light' and there was light. And The One saw it was bad because it was not made by the CFL and He smite the light and the IG's were crushed and bothered The One no more. And the Beast rose up and smite Smitty [which is hard to say] and the name of the Beast is known - Let the wise only speak it: Rahm of the Tutu. And the Bob of Belvedere really needeth a vacation....