National Offend A Feminist Week

Hey, sweetheart, when I say "bring me a cup of coffee," I mean bring me fresh coffee, OK?

Bloggers: I hereby declare this National Offend A Feminist Week. Your expressions of reactionary, oppressive, patriarchal, misogynistic traditionalism are solicited. Search your mind, search the Internet, and come up with a post guaranteed to make Jessica Valenti and Amanda Marcotte even angrier than usual.

Please link here for inclusion in a special honor roll listing next weekend. Extra credit for women who find some way to enthusiastically embrace their traditional femininity. Now hurry up with that coffee, sweetheart. And make sure it's fresh this time . . .

UPDATE: You know what really offends a feminist? An old-fashioned classy dame. Because, according to feminist theory, classy dames from the Golden Age of Hollywood were exemplifying a patriarchal conception of femininity. Yeah, and they were hot, too.

UPDATE II: Speaking of patriarchal conceptions, Bar Rafaeli is being oppressed by her bikini. Shed your oppression!

UPDATE III: Because Amanda Marcotte may not understand, I'll explain: When Dan Collins calls you "sugar tits," he means that in an enlightened, egalitarian way, sweetheart.

UPDATE IV: Little Miss Attila says they like it like that. Especially the high heels, we presume.

UPDATE V: Paco recommends Dennis the Peasant's collection of feminist idiocies.

UPDATE VI: Just wanted to commend Paul from Kingdom of Idiots for going into the comments field at a feminist blog to link me. That's the kind of genius evil we need, Paul.

UPDATE VII: Jimmie Bise at Sundries Shack offers some vintage redhead-spanking art. Oh, those naughty redheads . . .

UPDATE VIII: OK, somebody recommended me via StumbledUpon, and when I clicked over there, one of the other sites in the "feminist" category featured this photo:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? It was a feminist whining about the objectification of Olympic women's volleyball players. Talk about somebody needing to get a life . . .

Meanwhile, Stephen Gordon climbs aboard the Bandwagon O' Patriarchy, and the Daley Gator says, "IRON MY SHIRT."

UPDATE IX: Carol Tackett offends with facts:

The greatest mistake that feminists make is modeling themselves after men in the area of sexual promiscuity. Men are sluts because they can well afford to be. Women who believe that unfettered sexual activity gives them power are in denial of basic biological facts. The consequences of sexual activity falls squarely on women. Further, words like slut and skank are still part of vocabulary because that is how men view women who are "easy."

Now, I would quibble with the "men are sluts" part. Since it takes two to tango, men will be slutty only insofar as they can find opportunities. It's a supply-and-demand thing. But because feminists are liberals, they don't know anything about economics, either.

The other thing about "men are sluts": I am an ex-slut. Because my wife is sexy. But also because she's got a kitchen drawer full of knives, and I've got to sleep sometime. If more women were like my wife, there would be a lot less divorce. Maybe a few more widows . . .

UPDATE X: Mike at Cold Fury links, William Teach rolls out the offensive skin, and we now have our Official Anthem.

UPDATE XI: Fulminate of Andrew has some offensive thoughts. (Tip for Andrew: Install SiteMeter and Technorati on your blog.)