"This is a remarkable achievement," the president told a press conference Friday. "A mere four weeks ago, Guantanamo Bay was a human-rights catastrophe such as the modern world had never seen. Yet today, through the power of Hope, we have succeeded in making this facility a shining examplar of freedom, a beacon of Change admired throughout the world."
The amazing transformation, Obama told reporters, would not have been possible without the "tireless labors" of the staff of the newly-created federal Department of Unicorns and Rainbows. . . .