Tweet of the Day Week Year

Monique Stuart on Twitter:

Google "cheap whore" and my website comes up. So cool! Thanks, Vodka!

Last month, Stephen Green at VodkaPundit examined Bill Clinton's remarks about the politic strategy of passing bad legislation just to say you'd passed something:

There are statesmen, there are politicians, and then there are cheap whores who would sell out their country for a vote.

Ask Senate sellout Ben Nelson about that. Anyway, Monique Stuart concurred with VodkaPundit's sentiments and put "cheap whore" in the headline of her blog post, so that now when you Google "cheap whore" you get her post as the 10th result.

We should fix this. Ben Nelson is a cheap whore. I think other bloggers will agree that there is no cheap whore cheaper than Ben Nelson.

Jason Mattera and Monique Stuart re-unite to pwn AARP

Our girl Monique was best buddies with Jason in college, and did the camera work on his latest project:

Michelle Malkin describes the action at Hot Air:

He presents AARP vice president Nancy Leamond with an invoice for generational theft and takes on the powerful senior lobby’s rank hypocrisy when it comes to pre-existing conditions (AARP’s main policy, Medigap, actually imposes long waiting periods on seniors who have pre-existing conditions, even though AARP reps, like liberals in general, decry the discrimination of folks with pre-existing conditions). Jason also confronts AARP on how ObamaCare will fatten their own wallets. Medigap, their $400 million cash cow, is left untouched by ObamaCare, while all other insurance providers are subjected to tighter regulation.

More at Michelle Malkin's site. By the way, Jason's book, Obama Zombies: How the Obama Machine Brainwashed My Generation, won't be released until this spring, but you can click the link and pre-order now at Amazon.com.

Monique vs. Meghan: It's still on

Meghan McCain says: "I myself straddle the line between political commentator and a member of the political universe."

Monique Stuart can't help responding: "And, as we all know, that's not all Meghan is famous for straddling."

Carrie Prejean is Joe the Plumber?

by Smitty

According to Monique Stewart, yes.

Reading the post, HotMES seems to be coming down heavily based upon scant (and maybe not even scantily-clad) evidence. The court of public opinion doesn't really support fair trials, does it?

I don't think Carrie can achieve full-on Plumber-hood. Joe still has the best on-line summary of BHO. Carrie's chief crime is one shared with BHO and, most recently, the Mainiacs.

Hopefully, Carrie graces CPAC with her presence and we get to find out if she's sincere like one hopes or in it for the money, as HotMES apparently suspects.

Monique vs. Meghan: It's on!

Seems like I recall this was where we were before being so rudely interrupted by important news:

Meghan McCain is a worthless, empty, woman with not much to offer the world. And, from what I hear, what she does have to offer to the world she offers to every and any man she meets in this world. But, that’s neither here nor there. These rumors have not been confirmed but, more importantly, they have also not been denied. . . .

Read the whole brutal thing. We can at least enjoy a good girl-fight until the polls close tonight.

Meghan McCain: Military genius!

Or is she a "spoiled brat who has below average intelligence"? We report, you deride!

Synopsis of her latest column at the Daily Bestiality, which we read so you don't have to:

Gay people are special.
Haters!
My Dad's important and famous, so you can't argue with me!
Haters!
Does my ignorance make my butt look fat?
Haters!

Let's face it, folks: Even if you're pro-life like me, you certainly can understand why Meghan's mother is pro-choice. Can you say buyer's remorse?

Belated Birthday Testimonial

Is Monique Stuart a white supremacist? If not, why is she saying nice things about me? Does her mother know?

BTW, I met Monique when she worked as an intern at the Washington Times in 2004. Two years later, she introduced me to Jason "Big Sexy" Mattera. A year after that, I sent another intern to interview Big Sexy. Should have known better . . .

Monique Stewart, Impressing Feminists

By Smitty
HotMES sounds as though her Master's thesis, which probably won't be finished this week, will be a strong contender for That Which Offends Die Drachen most. It's a thesis on our national scourge.

That the American public is fooled into thinking that this is about a woman’s right to choose, or a child’s right to life but, realistically, this is about a multi-billion dollar industry.

Monique reveals this in a post concerning a conversation with such a "fierce woman" in I’m sorry, I don’t speak retarded. Go, Monique, go!

Why does CNN anchor hate women?

Remember when my reaction to over-the-counter sales of Plan B to 17-year-olds was denounced by lefties as ignorant, hateful, misogynistic and anti-sex? OK, so now there is a column by CNN anchor Mike Galanos criticizing the decision.

Sully? Pandagon? Mahablog?

Oh, and while you're at it, be sure to denounce Monique Stuart as a self-hating puritanical anti-sex bigot. But maybe I should warn you about her 6-foot-tall penis. NTTAWWT.

'Party of the rich'?

"Republicans get angry that they are always seen as the party of the rich. I don't believe that. They are not the party of the rich. They are also not the party of the poor. Both parties ignore the poor, and both are headed and ruled by elitists. The general public gets that and that is why most people don't vote and the ones who do are more inclined to identify as independents."

Possibly Better Than The Jello Wrestling

by Smitty
In the South corner (geographically), we have The Clever S. Logan, who thinks that the recession may portend a much needed Come To Beavis meeting for the corporate 'we':

The kind of economic difficulty that America needs to purge the "spoiled brat" mentality and return to the days of moral and cultural integrity that Tito remembers and I (sadly) do not is one more severe than we are currently having. It cannot be the kind in which people whine about having less money to spend on dinners and movies out. It must be the kind that forces neighbors to band together to meet their bare necessities.

---

And, in the North corner, we have HotMes, taking just a little bit of umbrage at the spoiled brat call:

I was drawn into conservatism because I got sick of it all. I got sick of the fact that I was working my butt off while the government was taking my money (through taxation) to support those who weren’t willing to sacrifice. They weren’t even willing to work. Don’t forget, I was poor. I have seen abuses of welfare. I was the friend of kids whose mothers were on welfare and used their checks to buy drugs.

---

We can all have a laugh, but I'm going to come down on Monique's side in the argument. While it may be possible to show substantially that modern Americans are indeed a bunch of crybabies, sweeping generalizations about anything other than brooms remain fraught with peril.

Thus, the question of whether person "A" is a dirtbag and person "B" is not is really bearish. We need to get to know them on an individual basis, and offer the solid encouragement required to get them to judge themselves and decide to avoid dirtbag-hood. My name is Chris, and I approve of this message. However, the real judge here is Cynthia Yockey, so we'll have to await her final take on the matter.

Intro to Female Psychology, Lesson One

"When a woman asks, 'Does this skirt make me look fat?' The answer is probably yes, which she knows deep down inside, but she isn't willing to admit it. Knowing that no one is going to tell her that it does make her look fat, even if it does, she gets the false reassurance she desired so that she can wear the skirt without a second thought. By the way, it's not the skirt that makes you look fat; it's the fat that makes you look fat."

HotMES: 'Use Discovered for Sen. McCain'

By Smitty
Monique is not a member of the Senator McCain fan club. She thinks she may have found a use for him. The Puffington Host has a convenient caption contest going on at the moment. We could, say, hijack that:
"Joe, do you really think I make a good cautionary tale? Should I have listened to Thomas Jefferson:

'In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock.'

"Do you think?"

Britney Spears, topless

That's the Rule 5 illustration at Monique Stuart's blog post about the Obama propaganda machine. Because Monique was "out most of the night" with her girlfriend at a Britney Spears concert. NTTAWWT. And since this is Sexy Picture Night, here's a couple of sexy people:

Mr. & Mrs. Frequent Commenter Smitty, at Rock It Grill in Old Town Alexandria, where Smitty rocked the house with some Jimmy Buffett. A short excerpt of the conversation:

ME: So, she's from Germany, huh?
SMITTY: Yeah, she came over in 2004.
ME: Cool. (To Mrs. Smitty) Better watch it. If you don't do right, he'll have you deported.
SMITTY: Too late for that. She's got a U.S. passport.
ME: Chump.

OK, I wasn't taking notes, so I can't swear that this is an exact transcript. Also, I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that Smitty's wife was fondling my knee under the table. It might have been Smitty himself, for all I know . . .

Earlier Tuesday, I covered a conference and subsequently hoovered up the hors d'ouervres at a reception, where I got still more sexy photos:

Now, the lovely lady in this photo is one of the most enthusiastic conservative philanthropists in D.C., and I think you see why: By giving generously to conservative causes, she gets the chance to meet and mingle with some of the hottest young Republican guys in town, like this fellow with the scotch-on-the-rocks. And ladies, he's available!

Yes, lady blog-readers, that's right: Mr. V, as we shall call him, is single, successful and Republican. He is Catholic, holds a law degree, and is looking for a girl who is -- and I quote Mr. V himself -- "future First Lady material."

Want to hear more? Of course you do. Mr. V is 27, Italian on his father's side, Jewish on his mother's side, has a muscular physique and is 5-foot-8.

ME: So, you're looking for a girl maybe 5-3, 5-4?
MR. V: A little taller than that, maybe 5-6.
ME: Ah . . . .[snip]
MR. V: Not taller than me, but not too short. . . . Well, 5-4 would be OK, I guess.

So, there you have it, ladies. If you're an unmarried Republican gal of exceptional moral character (and smokin' hotness), if you are between 5-foot-4 and 5-foot-6 tall, if you dream of being First Lady to the first Italian-Jewish President of the United States, then just leave a comment, and we'll try to hook you up. Because Mr. V is obviously so popular with the ladies . . .

Hey, what about Michelle Lee Muccio? Oh, that's right. I forgot. I introduced them at CPAC:

Michelle's got to be at least 5-7, so Mr. V's probably not interested. Which means he's still fair game, ladies.

UPDATE: Apparently, Eric Cantor thought the Britney Spears concert was more important than the Obama press conference. Good call, I say!

Ever wonder why the letters 'O,' 'M' and 'G' were invented?

She is strictly neutral and objective and therefore offers herself as an impartial referee in the Jello wrestling catfight grudge match, The Fight for Big Sexy. Yeah, I know, life is like a box of chocolates but -- Holy Cthulhu! -- I never thought it would come to this . . .

Another amazing alumni success story from The Other McCain School of Blogging

Not only did one of my clients get more than 8,000 hits in just her first 15 days of blogging, but she also finally got Big Sexy to send her that box of Godiva chocolate:

Everybody give her a Rule 2. Yes, that includes you, Monique. You can get your revenge in the Jello wrestling match later.

Hammer, nail, head

"Plain and simple, the Democrats are buying their votes, with policies that only harm the communities whose votes they are buying. Once again, we let the Democrats frame the issues to make it sound like our policies, or our objections to theirs, are selfish and designed to protect the rich. Unfortunately, too many of our spokespeople get caught up defending themselves against wild accusations rather than just exposing the truth about the harmful results of these sound-good Democrat policies."

How Not to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog, And Not Score With Hotties. Ever.

First, accuse Suzanna Logan of being a homophobe.

Next, try to walk it back when you belatedly realize she's hot.

Then, jump into her comments like you're completely obsessed with her.

Finally, do a roundup post, displaying to the world that you've spent your entire day making a complete fool of yourself. Oh, and along the way, be sure to call her "sweettits" and include a lame Photoshop of you with her.

When you're through doing that, go to a Castro Street glory hole, offering up your rump to complete strangers, while bragging that you've got more than 25,000 hits on your blog in the past 13 months.

Losers. They're born that way.

P.S.: How do you know that Suzanna is so intolerant of homosexuals? For all we know, when Suzanna and Moe get together to watch Jason Mattera videos, they drink a few pina coladas, share their feelings of desperate loneliness, break out the digital camcorder . . .

By the way, Little Mister Loser, did you see how Moe body-slammed Megan McCain? Moe also smokes Marlboro Reds. NTTAWWT.

UPDATE: William Jacobson diagnoses a new BRD (Blog-Related Disorder), SiteMeterenFreude:

"deriving pleasure from the failure of other bloggers to generate traffic"

He swears he'll never succumb to this one, but I needed an outlet for my ailing spleen between David Brooks columns. Since swearing off Douthat-bashing for Lent (and I'm not even Catholic), I find myself easily provoked to punk-smacking. So when this idiot wandered into my crosshairs, he was automatically going to get it like Carlo got it from Sonny Corleone.

What's making it worse is that my friends are taunting me, egging me on, for the sheer voyeuristic thrill of watching me rip a new one on some unsuspecting victim. My old "friend" Ken Hanner just sent me an e-mail containing precisely one sentence:

Ross Douthat is on Washingtonian Magazine's list of Most Influential People Under 40.

Yeah. (Grit teeth.) Congratulations, Ross! I'm shaking the tip jar and hustling T-shirts, and you're so gosh-darn "influential"! I wish you all the best!

God help the next "centrist Republican" idiot who says anything nasty about Rush, Ann or Sarah. The Fierce Populist Ad Hominem Hammer From Hell is ready for 'em, with an aching spleen full of punk-smacking bile.

UPDATE II: You see what happens to a guy when he's not "influential"? His own minions start plotting against him in the comment field. Watch it, Logan. It's against my religion to punk-smack a girl, but if you don't want those Godiva chocolates, maybe Michelle Lee Muccio does.

UPDATE III: A commenter helpfully informs me that bile comes from the liver, not the spleen. OK, so I didn't major in biology. It's a blog, not a scientific journal. However, I do know where babies come from.