Because there are no coincidences

No sooner had I used a homecoming queen's friendly C-cup smile as a political metaphor than the bodaciously curvaceous Samantha of Day-by-Day makes a not-entirely-unrelated point. And at the same time we behold Shelby Steele touching, as it were, the hem of a garment that is not there:

America's primary race problem today is our new "sophistication" around racial matters. Political correctness is a compendium of sophistications in which we join ourselves to obvious falsehoods ("diversity") and refuse to see obvious realities (the irrelevance of diversity to minority development). I would argue further that Barack Obama's election to the presidency of the United States was essentially an American sophistication, a national exercise in seeing what was not there and a refusal to see what was there—all to escape the stigma not of stupidity but of racism.
Barack Obama, elegant and professorially articulate, was an invitation to sophistication that America simply could not bring itself to turn down. . . .

You should read the whole thing and also visit Day by Day, where Samantha has been known occasionally to appear as naked as the emperor in his new clothes. (Don't hate Samantha. It's not her fault she's as melanin-deficient as Molly Ringwald. Or, uh, Lindsay Lohan.)

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday, (my Senator is a) Ho Ho Ho Edition. Actually, we're eschewing politics here. The man of the day is Jasper Schuringa, who may not have actually saved the Amsterdam-Detroit flight per se, but rather demonstrated the kind of un-Progressive derring-do to which all should aspire.

• Atlas Shrugs had the first Jasper Schuringa pic in my Google Reader. That guy is wired for life.
• Rule 5 madman Bob Belvedere is owed an apology. He dutifully sent in his FMJRA links, but the clone bots managing the Inbox whisked his FMJRA links to the Rule 5 label, to be discovered late Saturday night by an abashed Smitty. Technology is a many-edged suppository.
  • Ann Sheridan
  • Leslie Parrish
  • Denise Milani
  • Betty Grable
  • The Pajamagram Gals
  • Denise Milani Redux
  • Vera Lynn and Shirley Jones
• The Blogprof leads off the somber Rule 5 remembrance of Brittany Murphy,
• Left Coast Rebel had follow-up on the poor waif.
• Makes My Brain Itch serves up some Pamela Anderson Action, as well as fuax-nekkid protesters.
• That's Right has a mystery Tea Party babe, along with others, but hopes some of our regular readers can help. This challenge recalls a Love and Rockets track:

• Yankee Phil links to a clip for plus-sized beauty contest. Obligatory AC/DC.
• Dustbury exposes the darker side of the Danica cult, and has important Kylie Minogue reporting.
• House of Eratosthenes gives us a target for all of the new firearms Santa delivered: mantyhose. Back to the Alphabet of Beauty, this week's installment includes Torrey DeVitto and Urmila Matadonkar.
• Troglopundit kept up with other Danica news.
• Three Beers Later had a Denise Milani video, and another Juliana Moreira installment. He reaches back for Dorothy Malone.
• Manolo the Shoe Blogger featured Judy Garland.
• Proof Positive found some Lucy Pinder.
• Fischersville Mike featured Colts cheerleader Sara.
• Jeffords reports that Katee Sackhoff joins "24".
• Power Line had Kristin Chenoweth.
• A Conservative Shemale featured Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones. From Wikipedia: "Zeta-Jones is married to actor Michael Douglas, sharing the same birthday, making him exactly 25 years her senior. She claims that when they met, he used the line 'I'd like to father your children.'" Rule 5 regrets the delay in passing on this critical information. Try this the next time you're single and beset with such beauty. The 1st Amendment should still keep most of us out of prison.
• Paco Enterprises features Lane Truesdale singing the popular ‘40s novelty song, “Who’s Yehudi?”
• The Classic Liberal coaxes from Linsday Loah an explanation of inflation.
• Trainwife1962 brings Jon Voight, as both George Washington and the Pope. Versatile actor, Jon.
• Here's My Thing submitted several: Rose McGowan, tennis girls, Christina/MJ Hart/Mariah, Hilary Duff, [NSFW] Kate Hudson.
• Smash Mouth Politics features Lauren Graham, for all I despise that Bad Santa flick. The only nice thing I can say is that, like Pulp Fiction, its title represents truth in labeling.
• Makes My Brain Itch has the scoop on Keira Knightley.
• Serr8d's Cutting Edge brings you the photoshop lesson featuring Stormy Daniels.
• Gahrie's Grumbles and Groans takes Rule 5 where it has never gone before: World of Warcraft. No wedgies, dudes: this is a friendly post.
• Point of a Gun brings the Fox News babes. Rule 5 envies Bill O'Reilly every time he gets chewed out by Megyn Kelly.

That's your Rule 5 wrap. Until next Sunday, keep it lovely, people.

Seasonal Traffic Suckage Syndrome leads to Shameless Tip-Jar Rattling Disorder

One of the obvious reasons for doing the changeover to the WordPress site during the holidays is that blog traffic sucks this time of year, so time spent on the changeover doesn't really subtract from the overall blog ecology. What's the point of doing a dozen posts on Christmas Day, if nobody's reading it anyway?

For similar reasons, some bloggers don't blog much on weekends -- when blog readership decreases by 30% or more -- but we've never really observed that custom here. Smitty reports that a relative paucity of Rule 2 linkage made for a much shorter FMJRA this week, which is to be expected, although we hope there won't be a similar shortage of babe-blogging for Rule 5 Sunday.

One of the things about Seasonal Traffic Suckage Syndrome (STSS) is not to take it personally. Traffic here is demonstrably down for December -- currently about 160K visits for the month, after four consecutive months of >220K -- but when compared year-to-year, we've gained about 80% over December 2008. And so you have to have a certain amount of perspective when you realize that on Christmas Day we recorded our worst weekday traffic in recent memory.

Because routine headline+link+snark formula blogging would be kind of a waste of time during the holidays, I've taken advantage of the situation to do some long-form stuff. First there was "Don't Fear the People," a retrospective on my coverage of the populist grassroots revival -- the first substantive post at the new site -- and then there was today's post about Washington's Christmas crossing of the Delaware.

Another thing to do during periods of slow traffic is to blog about totally silly stuff, like the Christmas Day arrest of celebrity scumbag Charlie Sheen. Why not? Do you really expect us to constantly monitor Memeorandum for the latest breaking news on the Nigerian terrorist? On a day when we're averaging less than 200 visits an hour?

Let's face it: We could post a completely random photo of an impressively endowed chubby chick -- hey, more to love -- and not get any complaints, because nobody's reading us this weekend anyway. (Folks, don't worry that we're corrupting your kids. If your teenage son got a computer for Christmas, do you really think he'll be cruising political blogs for chubbettes?)

Would a serious political commentator -- say, for example, Dan Collins -- link something so irresponsibly exploitative as a post with photos of random topless fat chicks? Of course he would. Because at least it's fun, and if traffic sucks anyway, you might as well have fun.

However, there are more useful things bloggers can do with the readerless holiday hours when we're afflicted with Seasonal Traffic Suckage Syndrome (STSS). Therefore, while Smitty toils away on the technical geekery of the WordPress changeover, I've been writing thank-you e-mails to the tip-jar hitters.

We're about halfway to our $2,000 goal for the Pasadena trip, which was a double-dog-dare-ya scheme promoted by Dan Collins. As I said at the time, I didn't think I could possibly rattle the tip-jar hard enough to make this trip happen and yet . . .

Well, as of yesterday, 34 people had hit the tip jar for an average of $30 each during December. And today I got a Christmas card from Barbara Espinosa of American Freedom blog, with a gift incentive for the trip. I checked Travelocity and can make a flight to LAX departing next weekend for about $450 if I booked it today.

Mrs. Other McCain is, of course, worried about the bills. If I make this trip, will it clear enough cash to break even and still pay the bills? Does that 1990 photo of Mrs. Other McCain looking hot in her bikini encourage you to ease her mind with an extra $10 or $20? Would you rather see more photos of fat chicks? Is anybody actually reading this?

The point is, I can roll either way: Fat chicks, celebrity scumbags, historical inspiration, or up-to-the minute breaking news about John Kerry and other terrorists. But I don't want to have to choose between (a) paying the bills and (b) going to Pasadena to provide neutral, objective coverage of the Alabama Crimson Tide's spectacular triumph in the BCS Championship.

As I explained to one of the tip-jar hitters in an e-mail exchange, I'm planning to take a look at the tip jar situation Monday before booking my flight, probably departing Jan. 2 or 3. Every little bit will help me convince Mrs. Other McCain that this is a good idea not evidence of incipient psychosis.

Maybe you're feeling that Roll Tide spirit to the tune of $20. Or maybe you just figure it would be worth $10 to read about me racing around Southern California in a rental car, interviewing hawwwtt University of Alabama cheerleaders and buying $7 gin-and-tonics for Little Miss Attila during Happy Hour at one of her favorite L.A. dive bars.

Fear and Loathing in Pasadena could be the wildest scene since I covered the Libertarian Party national convention in Denver last year. Surely the true story of Rose Bowl decadence and debauchery has got to be worth $5 to readers who have nothing better to do this weekend than to read a political blog.

Carol at No Sheeples Here is also an Alabama fan trying to hustle her way to Pasadena, so if you've already hit my tip jar, you should think about throwing Carol some action, too. Besides, if I help her make it Pasadena, maybe I can get her to do a free logo for the new WordPress site -- with or without naked fat chicks. 'Cause I can roll either way . . .

Just hit the tip jar!

Festivus 'Mas Joy Rings Around

by Smitty

It's that time of the year when we celebrate our traditions in ways that hopefully don't alienate everyone else.
All of those readers with lives have been too busy to post or link us as much as we like, but we love them nonetheless.

The Nebraska Compromise:
As negative as everyone is about the whole steamer, except the lefty portion of the 111th Congressional Circus, its parade of bad ideas may not be over.

• Jules Crittenden linked the Sobriety Cat post in a roundup.
• The Classic Liberal picked up the Cheap Whore post.

We Don't Seriously Foresee the Union Disintegrating, but We're Closer to Such an Event:

• South Texian picked up the Texas secession post about Ladd Ehlinger, with a technical correction.
• Paco Enterprises joined the Sheldon Whitehouse foe club.
• Jumping in Pools thinks that Texas cannot secede, but Montana Can. At a certain point, as with the Declaration of Independence, it's really not about what a piece of paper says, but rather about what you do.

Get Stacy That Malkin Award!
He's still in the running for [whatever it means] who lacks a radio and TV show.

• The Sundries Shack has us wired. Vote now, vote Stacy.

Congratulations to Clan McCain Over Kennedy's Engagement Pour In:

• Obi's Sister said 'Hi'.

Yes, The Other McCain is in Transition:
Stacy and I continue to make delightfully uncoordinated progress in a positive direction.

• The Classic Liberal notes our efforts.
• SI VIS PACEM also noted the motion.
• Dustbury opines:

  Not that I have any particular complaints about WordPress, which we’ve been using here now for over a year with little difficulty. But it seems to me that McCain, who specializes in high-value, low-cost reporting, really belongs on Blogger, which is to blogging what Walmart is to retail: you might claim to hate it yourself, but a lot of your friends like it just fine. (Or maybe you need new friends. Your mileage may vary.)

About Those Goreflakes:

• Political Byline noted the hammering of Maryland.

Girl Culture:

• Wombat Rampant gave us a shout while relating an occurrence similar to the Protein Wisdom/Patterico thing which is apparently, hopefully, finally, running out of gas.
• American Power has also been dealing with its variation on the theme. Donald Douglas also noted Stacy while examining anti-Hamsherism. he then followed up with "A Theory of Racist Smears and the Case of Robert Stacy McCain". All I can say is that the notoriety looks better on him than me.
• Stogie links us while asking "Is Charles Johnson (of LGF) a Transvestite Cross-Dresser?" Can I please retain my ignorance?
• Rhetorican picked up Stacy's AmSpec piece about a possible Hamsher move to the right.

Other FMJRA outings:

• So It Goes In Shreveport
• Fischersville Mike
• The Classic Liberal
• The Blogprof
• Rightofcourse
• WyBlog
• Eternity Matters
• Paco Enterprises
• CatHouse Chat
• Obi's Sister

The Seven Figure Club:

• American Power reached one megahit. Keep up the good work, Donald!
• The BlogProf linked us while congratulating DD.

Miscellaneous:

• American Glob just laughed at my attempt to defend Harry Reid.
• Stogie proved a non-fan of Jason Raimondo
• Paco notes us in passing while congratulating Jim Treacher. He also noted the Dave Brooks flambé.

Enjoy the respite, everyone. Gather your strength. If 2010 is any weirder than 2009, we'll all be needing it.

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday, where I will not mention Political Stuff, which, thankfully, seems to have toned down the Tiger Woods reporting.

• WyBlog kicks us off (why not?) with snow, bikinis, and Santa hats.
• Bombs and Dollars has hotties on cots, and a look at future hospital food a la China. Then an Israeli-looking hottie with a rifle.
• For the ladies, Mulieris Dignitatem had a roundup of proto-Stacy Clark Gable shots from GWTW.
• Three Beers Later has Nicole Lloyd, his usual Juliana Moreira fix (have I been doing this post too long?), and The Women of Curling, who are a sight better than the odd-fingered Women of Noodling which we cannot show for reasons of taste.
• The Classic Liberal has Denise Milani telling you about human rights.
• Power Line Brings you great moments in near Rule 5-ery. And Miss Gibraltar getting a piece of the rawk.
• Viral Footage has a Scottie hottie engaging in a bit of Chevy Chase-ism.
• Paco Enterprises brings us Nan Wynn.
• The Camp of the Saints, as usual, packs the heat:
  
  • Gene Tierney
  • Linda Rondstadt
  • Nan Wynn
  • An NY Post lingerie review
  • Rule 5 Record covers
  • Denise Milani
• SI VIS PACEM reaches for the Boris Vallejo.
• Fischersville Mike brings the Christmas cheerleaders.
• Rightofcourse sees the Christmas cheerleaders, and raises Villanova.
• Yankee Phil reports that neither he, nor Jessica Simpson, had sex with Tiger.
• Nation of Cowards has the seasonal take on matters.
• Dustbury, long-time footwear aficionado, has Alyssa Milano, that un-Tweeting siren.
• Point of a Gun reviews characters in Twilight, and then has an amusing dialogue between two of them.
• Ace of Spades has Tricorner Hat Girl, of Tea Party fame.
• We'll let the female readers (who may not give this post the attention it craves) weigh in on whether Flea is Rule 5 material. Even if Stacy would have visions of target practice were Flea to have courted his daughter, the guy plays a mean bass.

• Three Beers Later notes the passing of Jennifer Jones.
• Proof Positive nominates Lake Bell for Friday Night babe.
• A Conservative Shemale clears up the Cory Everson mystery.
• Jeffords brings the snow babes.
• Smash Mouth Politics has the not-snow babes.

[Tiger Woods tear line]

---

• Left Coast Rebel rounded up the hens after the divorce news. Can I say that? Is it sexist? Is it making light of a sordid situation? He featured Theresa Rogers, too.

That's your Rule 5 Sunday. It looks like the nor'easter may have put a blanket of snow on submissions this week. Keep the cheesecake coming, people.

America's Finest Filmmaker Urges: 'Dear Texas, Please Secede'

Yes, it's Hive Mind director Ladd Ehlinger:

Dear big beautiful Texas with all your gorgeous pageant women and crappy food: you are the only state that joined our Union with a treaty allowing for legal secession. . . .
You can get out now and no one will stop you.

And once Texas reasserts its independence, all sane Americans will immediately petition for citizenship in the Lone Star Republic. Why? Because (a) the United States is circling the toilet bowl and (b) Ladd urges that Texas take all their hawwtt women with them. (And it's now officially Rule 5 Sunday.)

However, it should be noted that the peaceful secession of Texas will not prevent the University of Alabama from inflicting a world-historic ass-whuppin' on the Longhorns Jan. 7 in Pasadena.

UPDATE: While I don't know whether William Jacobson would support Ladd Ehlinger's radical idea, if Texas wants to recruit someone to draft a petition of grievances, Professor Jacobson demonstrates his brilliance here. And he's a law professor, so he knows all about that "whereas" stuff.

Fraudulent Meteorological Joyride Reaches Aphelion

by Smitty

How can the FMJRA not notice the foreign policy disaster that is Hopenchangen, so brilliantly juxtaposed with the domestic trainwreck that is ObamaCare?

We can report that, if they fire the jets at the right moment, and go beyond, just exactly what will happen. They will reach Boston. You know, more than aphelion:

Code Redeye:

• That's Right delivers the goods. He who shot a video of Death with the try-dumb-virate. Then there is a 148 picture gallery.
• Instapundit, some Tennessee blogger from whom we'd like to hear more, noted the report.
• Fischersville Mike picked up mine and The Journey's report, as well.
• Rhetorican linked it.
• Little Miss Attila picked up the Tabitha Hale clip. Have courage and long underwear, ye patriots.
• American Power reviewed the Patterico/Goldstien situation, which actually seems less serious than DD's with EDK.
• The Camp of the Saints picked up the post.
• Mulieris Dignitatem also linked it.

Comity of Errors:

• Dustbury liked my envisioned scene.
• Valley of the Shadow prompted the whole thing.
• Rightofcourse picked up on the boycotting of Connecticut post, with related linkage here..

Blogenkrieg:

• Little Miss Attila surveys. You know you're a big-time blogger when Gerard is your first comment:

  vanderleun said:
  December 13th, 2009 at 8:36 am
  I looked at that whole kerfuffle and the only things I could see was
  1) Paterico is caught in the trap of “I’m wrong but I can’t get out or back out so I’ll dig in deeper and deeper and assert more and more assertions.”
  2) Paterico is building a gigantic ball of horse manure and expects everyone to chew through it or else. Sort of a Johnsonian bit of business without the outright banning. (I decline this menu.)
  3) Patrico believes he can read minds. Sorry, Pat, but not
  sold.

  LMA here also.
• Left Coast Rebel viewed Stacy's consumption by wolves with shock and horror.
• Protein Wisdom, the half of the argument we support, continues the battle.
• Villainous Company weighs in.
• Obi's Sister also linked the tragic wolf dinner.
• A Conservative Shemale reports on the lefty reaction.
• At the Point of a Gun wonders about collusion in some blog wars.
• A Political Glimpse from Ireland had a good thread on the topic.

---

• Troglopundit's ongoing spectacle with No Sheeples Here remains a terrifying descent into blogospheric atrocity.

Stacy Wonders How Clark Gable Could Presage Him So Effectively:

Interestingly, I was just over in England at one of the RAF bases where Gable is said to have operated during his explosive landscaping phase. Supposedly the Reich put a bounty on him, and it was deemed to great a propaganda risk to have that smile flying about, risking disaster.

• Atlas Shrugs picked up the AmSpec piece.
• Villainous Company:

  For men are truly at their best when they are protecting those they love. Just as men wish for a woman who is demure and proper in public but will turn on the fireworks just for him, we ladies can't resist a guy who is strong and independent in public but reserves his tender side for the woman he loves.

• Belvedere enjoyed the Gable post, with a segue into wedding congratulations.
• Mulieris Dignitatem also echoed the sentiment.

Hoping for Grandbloggers:The congratulations pour in.

• Nathan Cossey
• Political Byline
• Little Miss Attila
• Mulieris Dignitatem

Alabama's Heisman:

• Carol's Closet offered congratulations.

Stacy's AmSpec Tea Party Piece:

• The Sundries Shack offered additional thoughts.

ACORN Bill of Attainder Ruling:

• Piece of Work in Progress shares our cynical view of the ruling.
• The Rhetorican: "Judge Gone Wild"

Cablinasian: Not Exactly a Wine

• Piece of Work in Progress: "Who is to say that in Cablinasian society it is considered bad form to prefer buxom blondes, or to enjoy threesomes behind one's wife's back, fueled by booze, Ambien and Cialis?"
• Bob Belvedere announces that he is beavering away on "Misunderstandings Of The Cablinasian Habit Of Tapping Botoxed Women" for the nternet Department of Cablinasian Studies. Let us hope PETA doesn't step on his tale.

HR 4173: the 111th Congressional Hit Parade Rolls On

• Left Coast Rebel had a great post, also noting that this bill contains HR 1207, which merits a stand-alone vote.
• The Camp of the Saints had further thoughts on the matter.

Sarah on Conan:

• Political Byline offered up a "Heh".
• Saberpoint: "Shatner looks slightly bemused but utterly stunned by this turn of events!"

Other FMJRA outings:

• So it Goes in Shreveport
• Blogprof: Sat, Sun, Mon, Fri
• No Sheeples Here, and also here.
• Fischersville Mike
• The Reaganite Republican Resistance, also here
• Paco Enterprises
• A Conservative Shemale
• Rightofcourse
• Left Coast Rebel

Miscellaneous Shouts:

• Smash Mouth Politics gives us the bump for traffic received.
• Rightofcourse linked the Hive Mind review.
• The Daley Gator gave a QOTD for a Brooks riff.
• The House of Eratosthenes linked the Green Pope post.
• The Sundries Shack comes in affirmative on fisticuffs.
• Jumping in Pools linked the Webb post.
• Paco Enterprises picked up the "Republicans are mean spirited; Democrats, on the other hand, are just telling it like it is" post.
• Daily Pundit picked up the Ray Stevens we'd thugged from Stogie.
• The Camp of the Saints picked up on the Rhand Welsch post at AmSpec. Also the anti-Lowry/pro-Goldberg rant. Great graphic, BTW.

That's your FMJRA. I'm sure I'm missing a boatload here, so send updates to Smitty. Also, Rule 5 Sunday beckons, with the question: are we sick of Tiger leftovers yet?

Our commenters need to up their game

"I can't hear 'Moving in Stereo' anymore without having Phoebe Cates' naked breasts dance through my head. Which isn't really such a bad thing, but it can be distracting."
-- Slartibartfast, Protein Wisdom (comment #77)

Why aren't we getting these clever "Phoebe Cates' naked breasts" comments over here, huh?

I'm disappointed. You guys are slacking off. This is the "Rule 5" blog, remember?

I'm not saying that comments about Phoebe Cates' naked breasts should be on every post, but Slartibartfast is definitely onto something there, because now I've got that guitar riff from "Moving in Stereo" stuck in my head. And you do, too.

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday again. The links just keep growing. There is a sand bunker at the bottom for all of the Tiger Woods entries. It's a tough journalistic job, acknowledging the news while pointing out the sad, sordid nature of it all.

• Here's My Thing went back to That 70s Show, rather than ride the Tiger.
• Berman Post sends a helpful Christmas message via Victoria's Secret.
• American Power had the VS, as well, with follow on VS links. One gathers that DD is a VS fan.
• Bombs and Dollars rounds up their previous bombshells in a single post. Also, a lovely ground-pounder with an M-16. Here is a vaguely Scandinavian hottie in what looks like an attack helo cockpit. Any resemblance between this photo and Tiger Woods' current nightmare series is accidental. Here, we see a lady who might be IDF.
• Piece of Work in Progress had a meta-post on why men stray, featuring some snow angel or other. Two other reasons not cited are: failure to read Rule 5 Sunday posts in lieu of punting on wedding vows, and failure to take those vows with an appropriate level of seriousness. Tiger's agony will outweigh his pleasure, over time, by orders of magnitude. Pondering the agony that will surely follow is a great means of avoiding this and a host of other temptation.
• Yankee Phil has a couple of PETA pets.
• Power Line continues to bring you the finest Miss World coverage, and has a final preview here.
• Mulieris Dignitatem has a 1953 Mr. Universe featuring...Sean Connery? Heston added.
• Saberpoint had questions regarding Tim Tebow's beau, Lucy Pinder. He also reports on Hugh Hefner and Hef's approach to staying young. Somehow, I don't envy Hef. And then Stogie goes top-heavy. Proportion, man: proportion.
• Dustbury goes retro with a vintage Nancy Sinatra cover. And then gourmet with Padma Lakshmi.
• Troglopundit was first in the reader with important Danica Patrick news. Also, while emailing me the URLs: "And do NOT let that GatorDoug guy fool you into thinking Danica is HIS blogging territory." Blog wars over women. Talk about hi-tech medieval.
• The Daley Gator has a fine assortment on offer. And then he went after Troglopundit's Danica Patrick territory in a big way.
• SI VIS PACEM promises much Frank Frazetta goodness.
• Smash Mouth Politics cribs a Velvet Underground line while not posting Tiger Woods pics. And then has an Ashley Judd follow-up.
• Fischersville Mike remembers Bob Hope, but Bob was having a Raquel Welch moment.
• House of Eratosthenes remembers She Who Will Not Re-tweet Stacy. In the original alphabet game, Scarlett Johanssen bests Torrey DeVitto. Then some random top torture.
• Blacke Five has the USNA Women's Glee club on a radio show. Hey, Uncle Jimbo: your team played a fine first half yesterday.
• Proof Positive featured Elin Maria Pernilla Nordegren, and also has a post featuring long-time Rule 5 fave Gina Elise.
• Jeffords rings the Kristen Bell for us. Great work, sir.
• Paco Enterprises has the Andrews Sisters for "Gimme Some Skin, My Friend".
• Three Beers Later brings Marilyn and Jane, Denise Milani torturing a sweater, and Juliana Moreira on a boat without Andy Samberg.
• The Classic Liberal coaxes Jessica Biel into delivering a lecture on markets. Loveliest anti-Collectivist heresy you'll find today.
• Nation of Cowards has Christmas cheer.
• Point of a Gun does a J-Lo/Jennifer Garner comparison. I blame Morgan Freeberg for this outburst of comparison posts. But not too much.
• Rightofcourse brings a Cincinnati Bearcats cheerleader.
• Makes My Brain Itch takes Natalie Portman in a George A. Romero direction.
• The Pirate's Cove the blogfather of Rule 5, has a couple of lovlies caught with potatoe chips.
• Bob Belvedere continues to be a Rule 5 heavyweight, starting with Shirley Jones. Lesley Ann Warren follows, chased by album cover Rule 5, an investigation into Tim Tebow's girlfriend's identity, and Cynthia Myers.
• The Reganite Republican Resistance takes Elin for some Rule 5 Real Estate blogging.
• American Glob brings you Anna Faris.
• Right, Wing-Nut has a patriotic Israeli lady.
• No Sheeples Here has some Chippendales in Santa hats.

Update:

A Conservative Shemale suggests Ryan Reynolds, who is Scarlett Johansson's husband. And, from last week (oops) Gerard Butler.

We'll let the Chippendales transition us to Chippenmunks. Of course we're not going to act as though the wandering eye of Tiger Woods wasn't the story du jour. Maybe now that he's on a break from golf he can start his own 'Munk Rock band:
• Jules Crittenden: "Anti-tabloid privacy invasion activist Tiger Woods, alleged to have been untrue to his values and the behavior his family deserves with a porn star, in an apparent test of the full extent of the dismaying effects of tabloid scrutiny." Great lead-in to a Holly Sampson post.
• American Power questions Tiger's swing while bringing another Holly Sampson pic.
• The Reaganite Republican Resistance thinks that four is a lucky number. Not, in this case, for Woods. Then he turned the body count up to 11, while Elin prepared the Spinal Tap. He then gave a full roundup, with no surprises.
• Left Coast Rebel brings you Jamie Jungers. LCR also does what he thinks is a funny, throwing in some hairy dude pics amongst a Tiger paramour roundup. You should be forced to shave those backs, LCR. Mixing the Healthcare debate and Tiger Woods scandals was clever, though.
• Jammie Wearing Fool featured Loredana Jolie.
• That's Right rounded up the Tiger babes, which puts him down here in the bunker, but scroll down for a few retro lovelies, too.

That's your Rule 5. Shot me some more tasteful cheesecake links, please.

Furtive Manbearpig Jester Running Amok

Smitty

As the Naughties draw to a close, who has been more naughty than former Vice President Albert Gore, Junior? Not to accuse the man of lying: he's too smart for that. I'm quite confident he lives a 'filtered fact fantasy', where 'trained professionals' feed him 'groomed information' so that he can maintain plausible deniability at all points. By dividing the effort amongst several compartments, an organization can argue its individual integrity with maximal vigor while being nowhere near forthright, overall. For example, take Iraq. By force. Ah, yes: the raw CRU data were co-located with the WMD. Oh, ManBearPig. Anthropogenic Global Warming is your revenge for being unable to finagle a win in 2000, isn't it? I may feel another bit of farce brewing...

Farces come in various sizes. Hopefully the last bit of the dead 'raaaaacist Stacy' horse has been eliminated, as that zombie pferd was exhumed, ridden, flogged, and dispatched for the third time or so this year by Patterico. For an undead animal, it does manage to imitatate life better than an Alan Colmes post. Wasting time on that proved an unwelcome distraction from blogging substantial news. Let me move on to the FMJRA before I stand accused of over-selling Alan.

Roll Tide (though I confess a preference for Method, since meine frau ist one of thse eco-German types)
Last week's FMJRA was launched amid the Alabama win, which may have been the sand grain a the heart of a pearl informing a hairball that turned into a confusing eruption of whisky-tango-foxtrot-ery last week, courtesy of Patterico.

• Carol's Closet congratulated Stacy and No Sheeples Here for last weekend's big win.
• Obi's Sister: Sweet, sweet bittersweet.
• Piece of Work in Progress favors sending Stacy to The Big Game.
• Fischersville Mike piled on.
• Little Miss Attila had the adult beverage angle on the game trip, but then overindulged, mis-spelling "Suzanna Logan" as "Monique Stuart". Shocking. Tragic. Messy catfight to follow. Stand by.
• Jumping in Pools supports the effort to get Stacy on the road.
• Troglopundit tried to set up some kind of riff on the superiority of Wisconsin to Alabama. As I look at the Bowl Championship Series page, I see no mention of this "Wisconsin" team. My home state of Oregon is playing in the Rose Bowl, I note (go, Ducks!). Try not to fail so hard next time, Troggy.
• The Daley Gator echoed the idea of The Other McCain Championchip Series.

Patterico Suave Starring In: The Case Of The Odd Timing.
One admits that this seems an 'inside baseball' story largely between Jeff Goldstein and Patrick Frey. It seems that ancient mutterings of Robert Stacy McCain are some sort of ping-pong ball between JG and PF. The sad truth of this, alluding to Ronald Regan, is that internecine warfare is joy to the foe.

• South Texian got in early and played a strong defense.
• Saberpoint dignified the discussion with the Shakespeare allusion.
• Paco Enterprises noted the 52 card racial pickup game.
• Villainous Company took a Tiger Woods swing in the analysis.
• Carol's Closet hit full-on burnout.
• Baldilocks: "Charles Johnson is gone. Face it. He was never ours. How about we let him take his delusions and slanders and paranoias and obsessions and falsehoods with him?"
• American Power: "...it's no surprise that Patrick Frey's trying to weasel out of his insinuations of racism against Robert Stacy McCain."
• The Reganite Republican Resistance offered some of the LGF backstory.
• Da Tech Guy speculated as to Patterico's motive.
• The Old Rebel offered support.
• Valley of the Shadow, as we've linked previously, indexed ToM and Patterico links in a handy way. His call for Stacy to apologize for misconstruing Patterico's words may go unfulfilled for the foreseeable future.
• Snapped Shot is also fully supports this blog, fully grasping the underpants gnome business model under which we operate.
• Enoch Root at Piece of Work in Progress makes a telling point:

  What I am saying is that the discerning of patterns is the only manner in which we can really even glimpse a man's heart. Again, I do not know the details of Mr. McCain's alleged or even real propensities. What I do know is that I am saddened because a man (any man or woman) can do very little to defend himself or herself once a certain meme is floated, introduced, embraced, disseminated--SYNDICATED.

  He then offers a related parable which is worth your time.
• Bob Belvedere thought that Stacy's apology directed at POWIP was, hopefully the last word on this topic. As your FMJRA summarizer, I would cheerfully direct efforts at other topics. The defensive efforts of friends are laudable, but the energy could be employed more gainfully still somewhere else.
• Protein Wisdom, home of Jeff Goldstien, was in the thick of things, driving analytic trucks through the contemptable Potemkin village known as Patterico's argument. See also this post getting at the absurdity of using political correctness to draw hasty conclusions. Goldstein has been a top-drawer blog for years, and is well worth subscribing and linking.
• Little Miss Attila had the family photos. She alludes to RSM cryptically here. The latest dialogue with Patterico, apparently, is happening in her comments section.

Hapless Harry Reid:

• The Camp of the Saints linked Stacy while rounding up the hammering of Hapless Harry Reid's slavery remark. Concur with TCotS's credit to Paco for best title.
• Daley Gator reached Dennis Miller-esqe heights of irritation with the dim bulb from Vegas:

  Senator, let me make myself perfectly clear, it sickens me that a Marxist fool such as you is a United States Senator, until the next election anyway, those poll numbers are looking BAD for you Senator. The Founding Fathers would be irate that a miscreant such as yourself had been elected to any office, much less the United States Senate!

Leave the unspeakable unspoken:
Desperately seeking not to be informed about what other consenting adults are getting up to in private.

• Mulieris Dignitatem echoed Stacy's posting concerning the 'Safe School' Czar.
• The Daley Gator also picked up Stacy's Kevin Jennings post.

Will Mark Sanford Caddy for Tiger Woods?

• Obi's Sister quoted the front/back nine jape.
• Bob Belvedere quoted Mrs. ToM via Stacy: 'I swear to God, Stacy, I'd kill you,' she said. Having come under that gaze myself, I wouldn't go testing that oath for all the data in East Agnlia University.
• Mulieris Dignitatem linked the post about sympathy for the idea of ventilating Sanford.

Gearing up for the next exlection:

• Mulieris Dignitatem liked the post about the people picking up the slack from the SCOTUS.
• Bob Belvedere agreed substantially with my point, though raised the question of whether we should seek to eliminate entitltements outright, rather than punt them to the states. In the comments, I was trying to make the point about segmenting the argument, so that one can use Federalism in discussion with a lefty and not be seen attacking Socialist ideas *as such*. He replied by comparing my position to David Frum. Ow. Let me expand. I'm endorsing Socialist ideas to the extent I endorse unspeakable sexual acts: not at all. However, in the name of suggesting a tangible course of action, I'd say that Socialist ideas and every other uspeakable thing should be allowed to die at the state level, so that conservatives can vote with their feet and let the utopians reap the value of their ideas. Why? Because every human has a finite number of breaths, and why waste my time trying to teach one for whom even experience may prove insufficient?

Other FMJRA action:

• Blogprof: Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri
• Fischersville Mike
• The Classic Liberal
• Snapped Shot
• SI VIS PACEM
• Paco Enterprises
• Rightofcourse
• The Camp of the Saints
• No Sheeples Here
• The Daley Gator

Miscellaneous Shouts:

• Over at Progressive Alaska all both of the Progressives in Alaska take Stacy to task for failing blogging about Andrew Sullivan while failing to mention some alleged lie made by Sarah Palin on some Thursday. I need to write a cron job to go through Sitemeter and scrape this sort of hilarity more often.
• Left Coast Rebel links us while touting Danny Tarkanian for the Senate to replace somebody with the personality of a vacuum cleaner.
• Troglopundit feels a newfoud sense of acceptance, since Matthews called Sarah Palin a 'Troglodyte'.
• That's Right linked us while posting Governor Palin and Michelle Malkin, and also on the post-trillion post

That's your FMJRA. Thanks to those who loaded me with links. Gear up for Rule 5 Sunday, sending URLs to Smitty, which will again have a tearline under which any Tiger Woods reporting will go. Sure, it's news, but infedility bites.

Also, links to any sites are concerned with Rule 5 posts only. Inclusion of a link to a Semi-Conscious Liberation Army site does not constitute an endorsement of their insurgency in Zambiniland. Those teddy bear killings are clearly in violation of the Geneva Convention, but Rule 5 goes on in any case.

Tim Tebow: Nothing to cry about

Stogie at Saberpoint has a bikini photo of the Florida QB's girlfriend. He lost the SEC title and probably won't win the Heisman, but his girlfriend's got the NCAA Rule 5 championship locked up.

Stogie's wondering what scripture verse Tebow would write on his eyeblack in honor of this girl. I don't know, but it's not hard to guess her favorite Martina McBride song.

UPDATE: Speaking of blessed, I have been blessed with readers who appreciate both accurate reporting and good fun. There is some dispute among commenters as to whether Stogie's photo of Tim Tebow's girlfriend are real, but I think we can all agree they're spectacular.

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday, Tigrophilia edition. On the one hand, beauty is beauty. OK. On the other hand, even with plenty of sanitizer, it's vaguely voyeuristic to fret about what Tiger was up to past the 18th hole.

Fascination with sin (as opposed to crime) is simply unhealthy. So we'll put in a tear line at the bottom of the post, past which all of those "posts in the rough" can be grouped. Just another service this blog offers.

• The Pirate's Cove, whom we've not linked here in entirely too long (shame on us), has a Santa hottie roundup, as well as important H1N1 advice from Cosmo via Newsweak.
• PowerLine's coverage of the Miss World 2009 competition has been thorough, and
  quite heartening for a high-brow legal blog. And I mean that with the maximum affection possible.
• Bombs and Dollars get into cat blogging, has a quartet of ladies with M-16s, then ups the ante to a full-on platoon. They have a hottie on a Humvee hood, and an apparent Commonwealth lady on what could be a ship's bridge, if my 4.5 years of sea time don't betray me. Also, a pilot trainee.
• Smash Mouth Politics had a Chelsea Clinton roundup, in keeping with our bipartisan tradition here.
• The Physics Geek brings you Michelle Ryan.
• Yankee Phil suggests G. Gordon Liddy, oh, and a trio of ladies packing heat.
• SI VIS PACEM serves up a tall, cold retro beer ad. Also links us for a Rule 5 declaration
  on Orit Sklar.
• Morgan Freeberg has an Onion clip about the attractive girls union issuing a statement concerning some poor fellow. I categorically deny all rumors that this is based upon my life. Not me. No way. Meanwhile, over at the Alphabet of Pulchritude project, Raquel
  Welch pwned Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett will have to go back to selling marble columns, apparently (~1:30)

• Point of a Gun, apparently, wishes to invade Morgan Freeberg's Babe Research Space. PoaG has a long way to go to catch HoE in this regard, but Brook Burke and Alessandra Ambrosio are an excellent start. With global warming going up in flames, the additional hotness will be welcome down the road.
• The Blogprof features a rather tortured looking tennis outfit, as abused by Serena Williams demonstrating why Tiger Woods is glad he didn't marry a tennis star.
• Rightofcourse seems to think that when PETA exploits women, it's exploitation.
  No, RoC; PETA does it ironically.
• Makes My Brain Itch had more Joanna Krupa reporting.
• Troglopundit brings us Hayden Panettiere, also with 'stache.
• Paco Enterprises recommends the King Sisters doing "Java Jive".
• The WyBlog has women celebrating snowfall in bikinis. This blog does not recommend doing stuff like this, particularly when alcohol is involved. You'll freeze your naughty bits off.
• Bob Belvedere is all over the map, starting with Rhonda Fleming. Lindsay
  Wagner recalls a boyhood crush. He recalls Summer most evocatively, and riffs of
  of Paco and WyBlog, has a naughty Wonder Woman, interesting calendar options, and a...chick playing hockey in a bikini...?
• Fischersville Mike brings word that Kellie Pickler is going redhead. Yankee
  Phil was so kind as to pick a video for us. This blog approves of this fine, seasonal outing.
• Three Beers Later has Barney the Purple Dinosaur's red cousin, and, oh, Juliana Moreira. He also has a rather edgy, but still tasteful, comedy clip of a nude male model.
• Dustbury minds neither Tyra Banks nor her footwear.
• The Daley Gator has a global roundup, some Tyra Banks action with muppets, and Tim Tebow's consolation prize.
• Jeffords has some disquieting statuery called "Brangelina Forever", then announces himself a Team Aniston devotee.
• The Classic Liberal brings you Elisha Cuthbert, and a discussion of gold vs. paper money.
• SondraK likes die Bibliothek.
• Nation of Cowards finds courage in Denise Milani in a Christmas theme.
• Observatoria de la Bellona, in the natural beauty category, has a shot of
  the Horsehead Nebula. Which reminds me of the cover for The Extremist and leaves me asking: Why?

---

Tiger's new home: "The Rough"

• Smash Mouth Politics rounded up Elin pics, then he took out the trash.
• American Power, though not normally a legal blog, picked up the pre-nup angle.

Finally, Mr. Johnson Retreats Ad Infernam

by Smitty

This weeks FMJRA title celebrates a mad blogger, who really doesn't merit the attention, but that was the best backronym I could derive for the topics at hand. The Most Atrocious Congress Ever continues to pile on the nonsense. Cops are slain, but the political ramifications are somehow painted as more significant. The interview with American Glob was well received. And the mainstream media silence on Warmaquiddick just keeps getting more absurd. The Smith Guess is that BHO is going to sign some kind of middle-finger-to-you document. He's bowed to two monarchs thus far. If he, for one, bowed to the new AGW Overlord, that would round out the rule of three well enough.

I'll be out for the day, so check this post Saturday night for some updates. Bob Belvedere is conspicuous in his absinthe.

Update: Rightofcourse, Obi's Sister and The Camp of the Saints added.

Crap & Enslave:

• Rhretorican echoed Stacy's hope that Warmaquiddick will kill Cap & Trade. Zombie Troll Congress does not inspire much confidence, however. Random pages from one bill could be cut and pasted into another bill at odd hours on a Friday. It would be great to be making a joke on this point.
• Left Coast Rebel hat tipped us.

The Purity Test: Did You Study?

• The Classic Liberal quoted us in a three-fer.

Tyger, Tyger, no' so bright:

• Left Coast Rebel linked a Rachel Uchitel post.
• The Blog Prof covered the story with enthusiasm.
• Troglopundit weighs in with cocktail waitress expertise.
• The Camp of the Saints weighed in on the less-than-saintly Tiger.

I'm Almost a Ron Burgundy 'Big Deal' Now:
Genuinely pleasant feedback on the American Glob interview.

• Mike Tuggle wrote an appreciative email, mentioning his book, which I promptly added to the wish list.
• Paco Enterprises linked the interview.
• Dustbury quoted the interview.
• No Sheeples Here made me blush. Burgundy, of course.
• Bob Belvedere expressed appreciation for inclusion in the suggested follow-up list, and dismay at the proximity with the Troglopundit. Can't we all just get a long...?

Four Officers, Maurice Clemmons Dead. Huckabee, DEADBEEF:

• American Power covered Maurice Clemmons well, granting Stacy top billing.
• Paco Enterprises noted the story.
• Bob Belvedere to Gov. Huckabee: "How many more ticking timebomb psychos are out there free because of you and your supremely wrong-headed compassion?"

I'd Say This Counts as a 'Blog Thing':

• Grandpa John and No Sheeples Here have a 'blog thing' going on. There is really only one college football game, the Army/Navy Game. All else is window dressing.
• No Sheeples Here is as serious as a campaign promise is not: "Never before has a blog post by Steve of Grandpa John’s blog felt as false as his Tuesday post announcing his new strategy for the blog war against No Sheeples Here. It seemed like Obama campaign rhetoric—and left both Gator fans and ‘Bama fans feeling distraught."
Mind the decorum over there, people.

Hopefully Charles Johnson Soared Far Enough Over the Shark, and We Never Hear From Him Again:

• Jules Crittenden rounded up reactions:

"apparently it works like this: If you disagree with any element of half of the American body politic, you disagree with the whole thing. This makes you saner, more compassionate, more embracing of diversity. Probably smarter, too."

• Another Black Conservative had another roundup.

RS McCain literally put Another Black Conservative on the map. His blog was the first major blog to link ABC when I was getting less than 100 hits a day. Bringing a black voice to wider audience doesn’t strike me as the actions of the white supremacist label Charles smears McCain with.

Also, you write a great blog, Clifton.

• Exurban League had a thoughtful posting on LGF.
• The Classic Liberal tracked Stacy along with some climate stories.
• American Power was out to grab every related URL, it seems.
• Carol's Closet: "I've never paid much attention to Charlie but apparently he's been cutting his ties with the Right for almost as long as he's had ties with the Right."
• The Jawa Report spells Stacy's name like my sister's, but delivers a good fisking nonetheless.
• Paco Enterprises: "Aunt Ada Doom".
• The Camp of the Saints may have put the pussy in there for symbolic value; he's never been a cat-blogger to my knowledge.

Shout at the Data!

• Rightofcourse sounded hurt by my judgement that Mötley Crüe is 'dreck'. Did you read those lyrics, boss? Any less coherent, and Robert Gibbs would use them in lieu of his dreck. Rightofcourse followed up here about the dumped raw data.RoC did spring into action with the Laurel & Hardy variant.
• Dan Riehl may have vomited in his mouth a bit, again. My posting should consider his tender stomach more often.
• SI VIS PACEM offered us a hat-tip.
• No Sheeples Here had a pole-dancing bear to celebrate the farce.
• Paco Enterprises liked the Piltdown Man reference more than my parody tune. But Paco is a little too respectable for metal, anyway.

Other FMJRA roundups:

• Paco Enterprises, , and again.
• Piece of Work in Progress
• So it Goes in Shreveport, and a putting up the tree edition, too.
• The Reaganite Republican Resistance
• Wombat Rampant
• The Blogprof Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu,, Fri
• Fischersville Mike
• Political Byline
• Instapundit
• Obi's Sister had a keyword-based roundup, and another one here.
• Bob Belvedere

Kathleen Parker 'Love':

• Cynthia Yockey concurred with the canning of Kathleen Parker.
• Bob Belvedere linked the KP post in a fisk roundup.

Waxman and the Need to Control Everything:

• Bob Belvedere linked us and quoted the Clash:
  When they kick in your front door
  How ya gonna come
  With your hands on your head
  Or on the trigger of your gun?
• Instapudit linked the Waxman post. Troglopundit bloviates about how we're not linking Insty. Trog sounds like he's in search of employment. You ready to get out of the Swamp and step up to the Porch, mister?

Miscellaneous Shouts:

• No Sheeples Here liked the Paper Moon reference on the Weisberg post.
• The Classic Liberal picked up the Federal-Reserve-as-vampire offering.
• Little Miss Attila liked the Neutra Face video I sent her.
• Dustbury had at least two cheeky puns for Stacy's reaction to the tragic/absurd demise of Argentina Solange Magnano.
• Obi's Sister remembered the Rules while elaborating on her comments policy.
• Rightofcourse linke the Mark Campano post.
• Bob Belvedere linked and liked the ZING for Chris "Enemy Camp" Matthews. He also picked up Stacy's tweaking of Karl Rove.

I'm off doing the Weekend Warrior thing. Do send me updates, additions, and corrections. If you sent me links, I'll be updating tonight, as well as producing the Rule 5 Sunday post.