America's Finest Filmmaker Urges: 'Dear Texas, Please Secede'

Yes, it's Hive Mind director Ladd Ehlinger:

Dear big beautiful Texas with all your gorgeous pageant women and crappy food: you are the only state that joined our Union with a treaty allowing for legal secession. . . .
You can get out now and no one will stop you.

And once Texas reasserts its independence, all sane Americans will immediately petition for citizenship in the Lone Star Republic. Why? Because (a) the United States is circling the toilet bowl and (b) Ladd urges that Texas take all their hawwtt women with them. (And it's now officially Rule 5 Sunday.)

However, it should be noted that the peaceful secession of Texas will not prevent the University of Alabama from inflicting a world-historic ass-whuppin' on the Longhorns Jan. 7 in Pasadena.

UPDATE: While I don't know whether William Jacobson would support Ladd Ehlinger's radical idea, if Texas wants to recruit someone to draft a petition of grievances, Professor Jacobson demonstrates his brilliance here. And he's a law professor, so he knows all about that "whereas" stuff.

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats

Usually, I don't praise films I haven't seen, but then again (a) most films don't buy BlogAds here, and (b) you've got to admire the thumbnail summary of Hive Mind:

The last man on earth is Doug Trench, conservative talk show host. Everyone else has been assimilated by Hive Mind, a massive collective consciousness born from implant cell phone technology. Secluded in his broadcast bunker for twenty years, Maha Trenchy decides to fire up his radio transmitter one last time before he is killed, and fight the Hive Mind with half his brain tied behind his back. A prophetic post-apocalyptic view of a world driven mad from political correctness and tyranny, from director Ladd Ehlinger Jr.

Ladd is on Twitter and his P.R. pitch was admirably blunt:

Get out of bed and approve my ad for your site, you lazy bum.
Also I expect you to purchase my movie Hive Mind & write three articles on it . . .
I can send complementary blog copy on DVD to you. But you must fawn over it.

To which I responded:

Save the postage. Fawning is on the house, because I admire your raw-aggression approach to marketing.

Clearly, this man is destined for greatness. Buy Hive Mind -- at last, a film director has discovered true genius. "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Ehlinger!"

UPDATE: Just noticed that Hive Mind is "not rated," which is Hollywood-speak for "lots of naked hotties." So you should definitely buy it now.

UPDATE II: There's a YouTube trailer:

UPDATE III: Formation of the McCain-Ehlinger Mutual Admiration Society was nearly disrupted when I mistakenly believed that America's finest filmmaker had dissed the author of the Best. Book. Evah! Once I explained that The World's Worst Person once fed me lunch, the misunderstanding was quickly cleared up.

Meanwhile, readers may be asking themselves, "Who is that hawwtt blonde in the Hive Mind YouTube video?"

She is Julie Collins, who just re-Tweeted me and thereby replaced Alyssa Milano as my favorite actress on Twitter. (Sorry, Alyssa, but you had your chance and missed it.) Ehlinger assures me that Julie isn't actually naked in Hive Mind -- wholesome entertainment for your entire family! -- but offered to send me MPEG scenes from the "Director's Cut" for a nominal fee. IYKWIMAITYD.