Ron Paul: Thanks, chumps!

UPDATE Saturday 10:30 p.m.: Newbie bloggers, pay attention. If you say your prayers at night, one of these days, you might get the awesome Instalanche. Thanks, professor -- even if I am a little harsh sometimes. I've been hanging out with Ace too much, I guess. Or maybe Jimmie.

Also, I'm posting this from a borrowed computer in LaFayette Hall at George Washington University, and Marilyn gives a big shout-out to all her GW College Republican homeys. (More updates below.)

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First, Mitt quits, now Ron Paul hangs it up:

With Romney gone, the chances of a brokered convention are nearly zero. But that does not affect my determination to fight on, in every caucus and primary remaining, and at the convention for our ideas, with just as many delegates as I can get. But with so many primaries and caucuses now over, we do not now need so big a national campaign staff, and so I am making it leaner and tighter. Of course, I am committed to fighting for our ideas within the Republican party, so there will be no 3rd party run. ...
I have constituents in my home district that I must serve. I cannot and will not let them down. And I have another battle I must face here as well. If I were to lose the primary for my congressional seat, all our opponents would react with glee, and pretend it was a rejection of our ideas. I cannot and will not let that happen.
In the presidential race and the congressional race, I need your support, as always. And I have plans to continue fighting for our ideas in politics and education that I will share with you when I can, for I will need you at my side. In the meantime, onward and upward! The neocons, the warmongers, the socialists, the advocates of inflation will be hearing much from you and me.

Translation:

"Hey, chumps, ever heard of something called a 'bait and switch'?
"Remember all that money you donated so I could campaign for president?
"Well, instead I'm going to use it to campaign for re-election to Congess, you stupid chumps.
"However, just in case you're not smart enough to realize you've been played for a sucker, I will maintain a token presidential campaign. That will allow me to continue paying fat salaries to the genius pimps who masterminded this scam.
"You've been so totally punk'd, dude. I got your hopes up, then screwed you over.

"To quote a great American, 'Never give a sucker an even break.'
"If I can't win re-election in Texas, my advisers plan for me to have a second career doing late-night infomercials for no-money-down real-estate scams.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game."

Like the Romney supporters left brokenhearted by Thursday's announcement from Mitt The Quitter, now the Paulistas can begin to come to grips with the fact that they've been misled and exploited.
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I'm still at CPAC -- or, actually, I'm about a block from CPAC, at the home of my friend Matt Keller. I understand that another of my friends, Matt Vadum, got shanghaied by bloggers last night, while I was hanging with ... well, that's another post.
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UPDATE (Saturday p.m.): Guess Matt Vadum wasn't lying, huh? And excuse me for my inability to modulate my voice. Also, excuse my French. Mon dieu!

UPDATE Saturday 2:15 p.m.: More at Memeorandum, Reason Magazine, The Caucus, and Don Surber, who says:

If he is not a 3rd Party candidate, then I was wrong about the guy. I apologize for being so harsh to judge him and his supporters.

Don, the problem is, you were not harsh enough. Please keep reading.

And to the stupid commenter who accused me of being un-American: Screw you, you gullible chump. You just got played, and you don't even recognize when somebody's trying to give you a clue. A sucker is born every minute.

UPDATE Sunday 6:40 a.m.: I cannot believe the True Believers in the comment field. I mean, isn't profound skepticism intrinsic to the libertarian worldview?

Friday and Saturday, I spent several hours conferring (as we say in Washington) with the libertarian brain trust, including Shane Cory, Bob Barr, staffers at Cato and CEI, and the editors of Reason magazine. While not all of them agree with my ultra-cynical analysis of Paul's Friday night letter, I think it fair to say that Brian Doherty's reaction of disappointment is widely shared.

UPDATE Sunday 9 a.m.: As Deborah Corey Barnes testifies, the DCVIPCC's invitation-only party at CPAC was a smashing success:

[I]t was a blast held by Stacy McCain and Matt Vadum until the hotel management cut it off ... there are many luxury suites in the Omni Shoreham. In fact, it seems like the management spends most of the nights during CPAC breaking them up. Why?

My theory, Mrs. Barnes? God gives us enemies for a reason, and thus we should be grateful for His blessings.

Like the Roman centurion, Jesse the Security Chief is "a man under authority." Who knows what misery was averted by Jesse's intervention? What might have happened, I ask you, if Jesse hadn't broken up the party before Bob Barr arrived? I remind you that Congressman Barr has been known to exercise his Second Amendment rights at social occasions.

Therefore, I will be grateful. And next year, we'll either (a) convene our soiree elsewhere, or (b) invite Jesse to the party. This will be a topic of discussion at the next meeting of the DCVIPCC.

As to the historic nature of the "blast," I will quote one of our uninvited guests (I have a nostalgic admiration for clever party-crashers): "Dude, that was epic."

Exit question: Was Stephen Glass a fabulist ... or a visionary?