Conservative Hoffman vs. RINO Scozzafava: 'We have her on the run!'

Doug Hoffman says his campaign in upstate New York's 23rd District is "squeezing" liberal Republican Dede Scozzafava in a three-way special election.

"There's only 20 days left . . . but we have her on the run," Hoffman told reporters, bloggers and conservative activists in a conference call Wednesday afternoon.

Running on the Conservative Party line, Hoffman's candidacy has hammered Scozzafava's extremely liberal voting record during her 11 years in the state assembly. And, as the Politico reported today, the GOP establishment's hand-picked candidate is rumored to be short on campaign cash, creating a legitimate opportunity for Hoffman to win the Nov. 3 special election.

"As a third-party candidate, I can win this race," Hoffman said, emphasizing that, with less than three weeks left until the election to succeed Rep. John McHugh in the 11-county district, fund-raising is essential. "We need to raise money to get the message out."

On his campaign Web site, Hoffman announced a fund-raising target of $125,000 this week. Noting that his opponent has previously been supported by ACORN and is currently a favorite of the liberal Daily Kos blog, Hoffman said his campaign has been "adopted" by the grassroots conservative Tea Party movement.

Hoffman has been endorsed by the "9/12" organization -- the political arm of the Tea Party movement, which staged major rallies on Sept. 12, including the 9/12 March On DC -- and says the grassroots activists are the foot soldiers of his campaign.

He recently held "six regional meeting with the Tea Party people," Hoffman said, and many visitors to his Web site have made online contributions of $9.12. The conservative Red State blog recently a $250,000 fund-raising goal for Hoffman's campaign.

In addition to Tea Party activists and major conservative blogs, Hoffmans third-party candidacy has also been endorsed by a broad range of free-market and social-conservative organizations, including the Club For Growth, the pro-life Susan B. Anthony List, and the Political Action Committee of the American Conservative Union, which hosted Wednesday's conference call. The ACU's David Keene called the New York special election "an incredibly important race."

Political insiders now view Scozzafava as a certain loser. Her liberal GOP candidacy has not attracted either voter support or campaign contributions and she is being outspent 12-to-1 in TV ads by Democrat Bill Owens. Hoffman suggested favoritism as the most likely explanation why the New York state GOP picked Scozzafava out of nine candidates seeking the Republican nomination in the Nov. 3 special election.

"It was an anointment . . . The party bosses, the lords of the backroom, made this selection," Hoffman said.

When the going gets weird, the weirdos show up at your kid's high school

How did I miss this bizarre story last week?

The keen eyes of some Southern Illinois educators prevent an adult from walking the halls of a Heartland high school. Marion Police say a 24-year-old woman posed as a 15-year-old boy and attempted to enroll at Marion High School. . . .
[Superintendent Wade] Hudgens says the student claimed to be a 15-year-old boy by the name Jack Stones, whom just arrived from St. Louis and was now living in Marion with an adult male.
"They claimed that this person was homeless and they were attempting to gain guardianship through the court system," Hudgens added.
School staff referred the 15-year-old to the Marion High School Extension Center. Hudgens says Stones took a placement test at the center on Monday.
"Gaining that time, by saying that we needed to do the placement testing allowed our staff to do additional research and contact the FBI," Hudgens said.
Hudgens says they found a Facebook picture of Stones. . . .
"We've been told jack is a 24-year-old female," Hudgens said.
Marion Police says Jack's legal last name is Kaiser and she is from California. Police arrested Kaiser Tuesday and charged her with disorderly conduct for misrepresentation to state agencies.

OK, necessary clarification for those readers who are experiencing acute Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Syndrome, from the Associated Press:

Police in the southern Illinois city of Marion say they've arrested a 24-year-old woman who tried to enroll in the local high school as a 15-year-old boy.
Investigators say Jack Kaiser is a transgender person who also has gone by the name Jennifer May. Kaiser was arrested Tuesday and charged with disorderly conduct for misrepresenting herself to a state agency.

Riiiiight. Female-to-male transsexual gets pumped up on testosterone treatments, engages in reckless male behavior, decides to experience the boyhood she never had, enrolls in high school, goes out for football team . . .

No, wait, that's the thumbnail scenario of my new screenplay for the upcoming major motion picture, OMG! My New Boyfriend's a Gay Woman!

Oscar-bait, baby. The producers say Angelina Jolie's dying for the "Jack Stones" part, but Natalie Portman has seen the script, too. Of course, Ashton Kutcher as the high school quarterback whose girlfriend (Reese Witherspoon) dumps him for the new kid on the team. Madcap hijinks ensue!

Roman Polanski to direct, with Woody Allen as the quirky social studies teacher wrongly accused of being gay because of his misunderstood (and purely platonic) attraction to the girlish "Jack":

MR. MELLISH: Are you part Korean?
JENNIFER/JACK: No, why?
MR. MELLISH: Nothing, really. You just remind me of someone. Never mind. So, you're Jewish?
JENNIFER/JACK: What? No. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with being Jewish but . . . why would you ask somebody something like that?
MR. MELLISH: Oh, nothing. It's just that you look like you could have a little Jewish in you.
JENNIFER/JACK: Well, I don't.
MR. MELLISH: Not yet, anyway.

Of course, it would be wrong to make fun of the tragic plight of poor Jennifer/Jack, a victim who is struggling with serious identity issues in a cruel and homophobic society.

Wrong, I say, to laugh at Jennifer/Jack's misguided attempt to find acceptance and tolerance in the benighted and atavistic heartland community of Marion, Illinois.

But just wait until you see the soon-to-be-infamous "Zucchini Scene" in this new movie! Not since American Pie has gross-out humor been so genuinely gross . . .

Two thumbs up! A laugh riot!

How long before Charles Johnson denounces the Easter Bunny?

Picture totally stolen from Glenn Reynolds:

True or False?

• The Easter Bunny has been used as an anti-Muslim symbol by Belgian ultra-nationalists.
• Rush Limbaugh once made a racist joke about Al Sharpton and the Easter Bunny.
• Charles Johnson's credibility was banned by Sharmuta last night on LGF.

Answers: False. False. True.

Czar d'Oz Episode I: Incoming

by Smitty



Start with the Czar d'Oz Announcement

I. Incoming
"This is not a test. The Obama Weather Service…"

Julius "Scare" Crowe: [Addressing a lecture hall] American history can be viewed in three stages: pre-Progressive, Progressive, and Modern Obama. The pre-Progressive phase was the worst. The tyranny of an English autocrat was rejected, triggering a necessary, if flawed period where racism was rampant. A bloody Civil War claimed hundreds of thousands of lives, and the Consitutional promise of equality was delivered, but the racism remained.

The next 140 years saw the birth of the Progressives, who understood the need to balance the Constitutional equality with the natural tendency towards racism. This would require increasingly diligent feedback from policy makers to ensure that the States took care of their citizens. The last gasp of the recidivists was the Bush administration, which threatened to plunge the whole country into a dark age.

The Modern Obama age began under something of a cloud, trying to dig the country out from under the avalance of social and economic woe visited upon us by Bush. By Barack I's closing term, the essential rights of medical coverage had been extended to all, and the economic damage brought on by the Scorched Earth Tea Baggers who resisted this improvement had begun to recede.

America's retreat from the evils of imperialism had begun under Barack I, and gathered steam under Michelle. The GOP's last gasp came in 2017, when their attempt at Social Security reform was laughed out of DC. The next year, ObamaLife absorbed it anyway.

The evil of American nationalism would not die for many decades, however. The bitter cling-ons would take another 57, yes, fif-TEE seven years before the signing of the WorldGov Treaty saw the creation of the Vortex as the successor to the United Nations in Holy Davos.

And now, 104 years after Obama, or 2112 by the Oppressor's Reckoning, is our satisfaction complete.

"…has issued a tornado warning…"

Martin Mann: You must be having me on. [Throwing small boxes over his shoulder from a large box on the work bench in front of him.]

Those supply morons have Bushed it again. You go to the staff meeting. You explain to them what you need. They spout the usual crap about the Eternals, the Vortex, the Czars. They tell you that even if you're a war hero, you're still a Brutal.

You give the best years of your life to these people. You give your health, your senses, your smarts. They give you slideshows of chewing gum for the mind. If the economy is so rosy, if the education system is so great, if there really is nothing to worry about, then why are the little things like delivering an order for electronics so hard?

Most of these pointy-headed little bureaucrats haven't ever left Kanasas, much less served in the US military. And the pitiful few that have done so sure ain't ever gone overseas to a pitiful place like Zambiniland on a WorldGov mission. How I badly want to see their little Eternal butts taken away from their precious Vortex and made to understand what the Brutals go through.
If I hadn't got blown up, I wouldn't've had a chance to learn like I did and try to do a little better in life. But now I'm forced to find a way to polish a digital turd into a shiny thing of electronic beauty. Darn right I'm pissed. Those Eternals don't care about anything but getting their kids to the right school and either an elected position or a job working for a Czar. And they really don't know jack, except how to use big words to tell you that whatever they've done wrong is really YOUR fault. [The box is empty, and Mann smashes it with a metal forearm.]

"…for this area."

Peter Lyon: [Hastens up the broad steps and into the Temple of Cyrus Rinks (sometimes erroneously termed Syrinx by young hipsters) for his meeting. A disgruntled young man bursts out of the door, face in a rage, carrying a strange, flat, figure-8 device with a long handle, having wires along it. The conference room with the meeting already in progress is just off the atrium, thankfully, directly above boss Murdoch's office, and obviates the need to go through security. He grabs a seat in the back.]

Meeting Coordinator: Oh look, we were just joined by the illustrious Peter Lyon. Peter, I know you're busy, but can you offer us the benefit of your insight? A little birdy said you were actually just at the Flyover Czar's Budget Offsite. Have you got any hot, juicy presentation bullets for the Bureau of Administrative Affairs?

Woman in Front Row: That's Administrative Actions Bureau. We just changed last week, remember?

MC: Oh, right. Thank you. Doing my best to keep up with the re-orgs. Mr. Lyon?

Peter Lyon: [Standing] Well, the news breaks down into good, bad, and unknown.

MC: Unknown, bad, good.

Peter Lyon: That is our tradition, no? All right. The unknown piece is whether of not the Flyover Czar is going to wrest more control from counties on the East side of the Mississippi from the Southern Czar. While we'd like to expand our operations, and get the budget that goes with it, those areas are some of the least economically productive in the country. Could prove a Faustian bargain--that's when you make a deal and find out that guy across the table is named Bush.

The bad news is that this weather system is spitting out some monster tornadoes, and has already done some expensive damage in Texas and Oklahoma. This could negatively affect funds for the Obama Nativity Party at the end of the year.

[The room offers a collective groan]

The good news is that the new WorldGov budget finally passed. The WorldThalers now move to New Chicago. The Kansas team looks good for the new season of Political Cage Matches that starts Monday, so our funding stream should hold steady, as long as the Flyover Czar doesn't screw things up.

"All citizens are to seek shelter immediately."

Dorothy Zeda: OK, got the last of the water. [Zeda looks up from her clipboard at a worker in a jumpsuit. They stand in a basement area, to the right of stairs coming down.] We've got the combat rations, the medical supplies, the extra nylons. All of the windows are boarded. The blankets, the cots, and the batteries. Anything we're missing?

Worker: Nope, Zeda, we got it all. Except some dice, maybe?

Zeda: You little scamps do what you will, just don't come whining to me when all your WorldThalers are gone. The only sympathy you'll get from me will be delivered by 20 feet of bull whip. You got that?

[Worker smiles at the thought. People are coming down the stairs.]

Zeda: OK, this shelter is divided up into sleeping and recreational areas. Probably everyone is too worried to sleep. There is a copy of WorldGov Saves Zambiniland which is about to start playing, so pull up chairs and relax. We'll get through this storm in style.

[Crowe enters]

Crowe: Hi, Zeda. WorldGov Saves Zambiniland is a great patriotic film to show. Will you flog me if I yell out lines at the good parts?

Zeda: Of course not. You know all of the lines. I'm too busy for a session now.

[Mann enters, unsteadily, and has to stomp his foot to unfreeze the joint.]

Zeda: We're playing your show.

Mann: Great. I'd rather have a working leg.

[Lyon enters]

Lyon: Am I the last one in?

Zeda: Indeed you are.

Lyon: Then close the hatch. I fear this one's a doozy.

Episode II: Wreckage

Copyright 2009, Christopher L. Smith

French Vogue: White model in blackface

As Dave Barry says, I'm not making this up. Among popular American pastimes, denouncing the French ranks up there with baseball, so it would be un-American not to denounce the French for this hateful atrocity.

What has often happened to me over the years is that, in attempting to explain and understand Frenchiness as a cultural phenomenon, I have exposed myself to charges of defending France -- indeed, some people have even gone so far as to accuse me of being de facto pro-French.

Well, the natural reaction to such a vile accusation is to deny it, to attempt to disassociate oneself from the despicable doctrine of Francophilia. Ah, but that approach never works.

Once you come under the penumbra of suspicion, you are guilty until proven innocent and every little item in your resume is examined from the accuser's perspective: Didn't you once wear a Pierre Cardin tie? And is it not a fact, sir, that you took two years of French in high school? What are we to make of the fact that you sometimes make reference to le mot juste and other such Frenchified notions?

Therefore, the correct response is to lean into the accusation. If it is absurd to say that I am a Francophile -- as I assure you it is -- then why not treat it as a joke?

Have fun with your oh-so-serious accusers with a bit of high-concept humor at their expense. Make a little double-entendre (oops!) playing with the accuser's Javert-like quest for the smoking gun -- j'accuse! -- that proves what a degenerate Frog-lover you really are.

What, then, shall I say about French Vogue displaying 26-year-old Dutch supermodel Lara Stone in blackface? To quote Ace of Spades: "I'd hit it."

I'll be in my bunk . . .

L.A. Times art critic beyond parody

OK, when he makes Michelangelo's study of classic Greco-Roman statuary analogous to Alma Thomas copying Henri Matisse, you know Christopher Knight is full of crap. But then there's this:

And if the Obamas had chosen a Michelangelo for the Lincoln bedroom, the right-wing screamers would still have yelled. Because for them, it isn't about the art; it's about scorched-earth politics -- about not giving the president an inch, and about lying or fabricating or just pretending to be knowledgeable if necessary. And with Google and the great, bubbling Internet swamp at their cloven fingertips, they can fantasize all kinds of foaming fictions about art.

Via Brian Ledbetter at Snapped Shot. Don't feel bad if you're tempted to believe that "Christopher Knight" is a pseudonym for Charles Johnson.

In an age of unfathomable madness, sometimes the craziest hunches make more sense than "reasonable" explanations.

UPDATE: The world gets crazier. Most days, Memeorandum doesn't even link Ace of Spades HQ. As of 8:58 a.m.? Top of the page, baby. And 500+ comments.

And notice Allahpundit links Ace's takedown of LGF with a reference to "my moral superiors in the blogosphere." That's just it, you see? What Mad King Charles is doing -- the exposé of Rush's supposedly "secret" racism -- is an assertion of moral and intellectual superiority.

The crusading "anti-racist" accuser in such a situation is in fact proclaiming a message about himself: "Not only am I not a racist, but I am endowed with the superior insight and laudable courage to identify and denounce the hidden racism of others. Admire me!"

Charles Johnson: Philanthropic Humanitarian? Laughably implausible, which is your big clue that CJ is actually doing Something Else.

If you really want to understand this "liberal crusader" mentality, go read The Vision of the Anointed: Self-Congratulation as a Basis for Social Policy, by that notorious hater, Thomas Sowell.

Michelle Obama's Victimhood Card . . . Or, Who's Afraid of South Carolina?

Michelle Malkin is so stunned, she can't even get snarktastic at the incredible absurdity of this one:

U.S. House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn said Friday that a conversation with White House staff left him with the sense that a hostile environment in South Carolina is keeping the first lady from visiting.
The high-ranking South Carolina Democrat said he has received more than 100 invitations for Michelle Obama. But this summer when he brought one of those requests to her staff on behalf of his alma mater, South Carolina State University, Clyburn said her security was an issue.
The conversation came after former Richland County GOP activist Rusty DePass suggested on Facebook in June that an escaped zoo gorilla was not harmful because it was probably one of Mrs. Obama’s ancestors. . . .

Hmmm. Is Rusty DePass one of those hateful Darwinists? Never mind. The idea that the First Lady of the United States has any legitimate fear of violence in South Carolina -- but is safe in ultra-violent places like Chicago and D.C. -- is so transparently bogus that not even Robert Gibbs would dare defend it.

Exit question: If the White House wants to stigmatize South Carolina this way, what are the chances that Obama will carry North Carolina and Virginia again in 2012? IYKWIMAITYD.

The BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Heard 'Round the World!

Allahpundit kept his powder dry for weeks, held his fire until the right moment, and then this evening -- discussing the less-than-stellar re-launch of GOP.com -- he finally touched the fire to the wick:

Oh, and apologies to LGF on behalf of our "wingnut blog" for failing to cover this sooner. Granted, there were not one but two items about it sitting in Headlines for hours, but when a site that gave up blogging about Iran and the New York City terror plot to focus on the urgent threat from creationism tells you you’re falling down on the job, you listen.

OK, so all the people who have been ragging on Allah in the Hot Air comment threads now owe him a huge apology. Whatever wrong Allah has done in the past, you've got to wipe the slate clean after that one.

For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them . . . and they shall not escape.
-- I Thessalonians 5:3 KJV

Thus does the Hindenberg-at-Lakehurst implosion of LGF occur, as Darleen Click finds Mad King Charles using the fake-but-accurate standard against Rush Limbaugh.

Remember how long Pamela Geller had to wait for her vindication, and never doubt for a minute that those who sow the wind shall reap the whirlwhind.

THE FLEMISH MENACE!

UPDATE: Dan Riehl joins the Bwaaahahahahaha Chorus:

I know Charles Johnson has denied ever performing oral sex on a lizard. But . . .

And you just knew the AOSHQ Morons were going to have a field day.

Caption Funny

by Smitty


Barack: "And so then Angela Merkel socked me in the jaw like this. I said 'I don't strike women.' She said 'Neither do I, but in your case I made an exception.' Can you take her down for me?"
Hillary: "That East-German Stasi ronin badass? Your best bet is a Tomahawk strike from the Baltic Sea. That woman makes The Bride look like Michael Moore."

Update: Apologies to PDB Watch for neglecting the linky-love when originally posting.

If there's anything I hate more than January Jones' big fake boobies . . .

. . . it's big fake Republicans like Sen. Olympia Snowe:

Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) will vote to approve the Senate Finance Committee’s healthcare bill on Tuesday. . . .
"My vote today is my vote today. It doesn’t forecast what my vote will be tomorrow," Snowe said. . . .
"I happen to think the consequences of inaction dictate the urgency of Congress," she added. . . .

I'd call her ugly names, but what name could possibly be uglier than "Olympia Snowe," a synonym for everything unprincipled, selfish, dishonest and loathsome in American politics today? A name that ranks with that of the despicable John Cornyn in defining the utter worthlessness of Republican "leadership" in Washington.

For years, the national GOP has funneled money into the campaign coffers of two-faced RINO weasels like Snowe, Arlen Specter, Lincoln Chafee, et al., claiming that the existence of such fake Republicans provides some benefit to the party in general.

Exactly what this benefit is, no one has ever explained, since all these gutless wonders ever do is suck up money and whine, whine, whine -- and then stab the party in the back whenever a key vote comes up.

So now we see Cornyn and the NRSC backing Charlie Crist -- a less masculine clone of Olympia Snowe -- against Marco Rubio in Florida, and we know the answer to that:

NOT ONE RED CENT!

Let these self-serving RINOs swindle their money from some other bunch of suckers.

BTW, in reference to January Jones and the fake boob thing, I was Twittering about it and got this encouraging Tweet:

Not sure how many women will be replying, but..uh, well, that's encouraging to read. Sick of the fake boob craze.

That's Darcy, who has a sports blog. Real men like real boobs, not big fakies like Olympia Snowe.

UPDATE: Erick Erickson of Red State tries to beat me in the Snowe-Hating Derby:

Olympia Snowe has sold out the country. Having been banished to our world after Aslan chased her out of Narnia, Snowe is intent on corrupting this place too.

Pretty good. But try to top this one, Erick:

Q. What's the difference between Olympia Snowe and gonorrhea?
A. Gonorrhea can be treated with penicillin.

Back at ya . . .

Update, 2205 (Smitty):
Linked at American Glob.

'Evil is too weak a word'

"The fabulously wealthy SPLC exaggerates the scope of racism to frighten donors into opening their wallets. SPLC is nominally a public interest law firm, but it spends little on actual litigation. Instead, it uses politically skewed definitions of racism to indoctrinate children while smearing conservatives who question racial preference programs. Evil is too weak a word to describe the Southern Poverty Law Center."
-- Matthew Vadum, Capital Research Center, and author of The Southern Poverty Law Center: A Twisted Definition of "Hate" (PDF)

Kevin Binversie is not nearly so shameless a blogwhore as Troglopundit . . .

. . . but then again, nobody really is. OK, maybe Bob Belvedere, as if anyone could compete with Bob. Anyway, I was on Twitter explaining how Troglopundit became our Obama-like hate-magnet, the Wisconsininny everybody blames for whatever sucks about their state -- including the Badgers defense -- when I get this Tweet from Binversie:

The proper term is "Wisconsinites." And I too am a Wisconsin blogger. Thanks for the lack of link love.

You got to admire that kind of resourcefulness, even if you don't admire January Jones and her fake boobs. Here I am, doing my best to turn Troglopundit into the punchline of a Sean Hackbarth joke, and Binversie seizes the opportunity to promote his Lakeside Laments blog, which doesn't suck nearly as bad as the Grateful Dead.

Then again, not even Andrew Sullivan sucks like that. Maybe Meghan McCain sucks worse, but we can't accept the word of the Ohio State defensive line for such a malicious claim . . .

Why is Troglopundit everbody's scapegoat for Wisconsin's loss to Ohio State?

Are all Wisconsinians acromegalic blog whores? If I ridicule Troglopundit's shameless blogwhoring by posting a funny picture of a cute woodland creature, does that mean that I'm prejudiced against Wisconsinians? (Wisconsinites? Wisconsinistas? What the heck kind of morons would name their state "Wisconsin" anyhow? No wonder the Packers suck and the Badger defense gives up 25 points a game. BTW, what kind of morons would name their football team "Badgers"?)

Well, regardless of anything I've said here, I cannot be accused of hating every resident of Wisconsin merely because of one lame joke at the expense of a blogger who is to Milwaukee what Godzilla was to Tokyo.

To make such an absurd assertion would be even more stupid than the average UW-Madison coed. It would be as stupid as that liberal idiot at Sadly No claiming that Tammy Bruce is a racist. And surely the freakishly tall Troglopundit is not that stupid. Maybe Sean Hackbarth but . . .

At any rate, the assertion that Wisconsin produces only stupid bloggers is perhaps prejudicial, as is the claim that there are no sexy women bloggers in Wisconsin.

Just because I haven't seen any Wisconsin women bloggers posting sexy pictures of themselves cannot be considered proof that all women bloggers in Wisconsin are fat, hairy, buck-toothed and cross-eyed, no matter what Minnesota's Ed Morrissey says about them.

Meghan McCain: Military genius!

Or is she a "spoiled brat who has below average intelligence"? We report, you deride!

Synopsis of her latest column at the Daily Bestiality, which we read so you don't have to:

Gay people are special.
Haters!
My Dad's important and famous, so you can't argue with me!
Haters!
Does my ignorance make my butt look fat?
Haters!

Let's face it, folks: Even if you're pro-life like me, you certainly can understand why Meghan's mother is pro-choice. Can you say buyer's remorse?

Finally! Somebody invites me to a major gathering of conservative activists

This Erik Telford "let's not invite Stacy" thing was starting to annoy me, but apparently Telford's influence doesn't extend to The American Spectator, which not only invited me to attend, but invited all my friends, too:

The American Spectator
2009 Robert L. Bartley Gala Dinner
Celebrating Conservative Journalism with a Wink & a Smile
Mix and mingle with prominent national journalists, business leaders, policymakers, and others who champion economic freedom, individual liberty, and the values of a free society.

Keynote Speaker
The Honorable Mike Pence

Barbara Olson Award for
Excellence in Journalism Recipient
Daniel Henninger

Presenters
Alfred S. Regnery, R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. & Other Friends

Entertainment
Alex Donner & His Orchestra

The Capital Hilton, Washington, DC
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Reception: 6:30 p.m.
Dinner & Awards Ceremony: 7:30 p.m.
Dancing to Follow
Cocktail Attire

All that for only $250! Wow! But wait . . . there's more!

Yes, by special arrangement with the American Spectator, I can promise that everyone who attends will have the opportunity to meet Mrs. Other McCain and tell her personally how cool her husband is.

What the heck are you waiting for? RSVP now! You can also call Patrick Pyles at (703) 807-2011 ext. 25 or e-mail Patrick for more information. .

* "Cocktail attire" means that young, atttractive female guests are required to wear their slinkiest and most revealing Little Black Dresses.

Kevin Johnson: Future neocon?

The Obama-emulating, AmeriCorps-defrauding Mayor of Sacramento got mugged by reality in Frisco -- and Red State blog-fu sensei Moe Lane has the video.

Cassandra: 'Angry'? Moi?

E.J. Dionne doth offend the Garter-Flashing Blog Goddess:

Dionne's language is a masterwerk of enlightened tolerance [and] civility: "rage" appears four times in a one page column. Various forms of the word "anger"? Five times. "Hatred" appears twice, "anxiety" three times, "extremism" twice. References to racism? A whopping seven times.

Professor Dionne evidently covets a White House position as Sycophancy Czar for the Whiner-in-Chief.

(Hat-tip: Memeorandum.)

Announcement: Czar d'Oz

by Smitty



Awash, after the fashion of a country wrecked by a tsunami, in the reviews of the previous efforts of Porch Manqué Productions, we called a meeting. Stacy flopped down on the dilapidated couch, expelling a cloud of dust, through which cover at least two cats made their escape.

"OediPOTUS Wrecks and Waiting for O-Dough were a train wreck followed by a volcanic eruption," declared Stacy. "We need something that will deliver eyeballs, not debris. You last ideas were so obscure that nobody cared about, much less had heard of, their sources."

"I have a cunning plan," I began, continuing on through Stacy's tortured glance heavenward. "A dystopian future view of the US, merging the plot of an old Sean Connery flick with an American classic, plus a few other elements that didn't move fast enough." I handed over a few pages of draft in dead tree format.

After a few moments glance, Stacy inquired, "Have you been tested for Mad Cow disease?"

Episode index:
I. Incoming
II. Wreckage
III. TOTO
IV. Porch
V. Vegas
VI. Sandog
VII. Vancouver
VIII. Seattle
IX. Lab
X. Dénouement

Stacy's initial take matched reviews remain as varied across time, if constant in theme, as ever:

• Sean Connery: Impossible! A human being that's a bigger piece of scum than Alex Trebek!
• Helmuth von Moltke the Elder: No plan of Smitty's extends with certainty beyond the first encounter with reality.
• Sigmund Freud: Hey, Smitty: your mother!
• Stevie Ray Vaughan: Hand me down my shootin' iron.
• Randy Rhodes: Next time the Crazy Train comes by, make sure Smitty is on it.
• Joe Satriani: Congress should limit Smitty to, at most, Ten Words.
• Burma Shave: In defiance of 'sane' / Again wrecks this train. /Far more favorable the /Frobnicated follicle to explain.
• Captain Ahab: Nothing wrong with Smitty that a firmly cast harpoon could not remedy.
• Joseph N. Welch: You have done enough, Smitty. Have you no sense of decency sir, at long last?
• Dan Riehl: Thanks, Smitty! I always like to start the morning by throwing up in my mouth!

Czar d'Oz runs at high noon right here for the next two weeks, or until the FBI shuts us down.

Copyright 2009, Christopher L. Smith

The Rule 5 Bride

Christina Hendricks gets married.

Don't mind me. I always cry at weddings. Especially when they won't let me shoot fireworks at the reception. But let's don't go there. Too painful.

Hat-tips: Kevin and Jimmie on Twitter.

Shocking! Bank of America disses American hero and U.S. flag?

They got their taxpayer-funded bailout, but they can't show respect for a fallen Marine?

A South Carolina Bank of America branch is drawing criticism Thursday after an employee reportedly ordered the removal of American flags placed to honor a fallen Marine over fears that people would be offended.
The Palmetto Scoop received one eyewitness email claiming that the branch manager at Bank of America’s Gaffney branch at 1602 West Floyd Baker Blvd. “told a citizen who was preparing the route for a U.S. Marine killed in action in Afghanistan by placing small American flags along the roadway that the flags might upset some of her customers.”
Said the outraged tipster, “[The branch manager] took them down and made the citizen go in to get them if she didn’t want them thrown away.”
The flags were part of the funeral procession of Lance Corporal Christopher Fowlkes, 20, who died last week after an explosion in Afghanistan’s Helmand province.

More on this shocking scandal at Political Byline.

UPDATE: The cowardly swine are finally forced to 'fess up about that crooked Merrill swindle:

Facing mounting pressure from multiple investigations, Bank of America’s board has voted to reveal the legal advice that the bank received late last year in its merger with Merrill Lynch.

Another relevant headline:

Obama quietly deploying 13,000 more US troops to Afghanistan

Yeah, and his corporate patrons at Bank of America are quietly trying to prevent citizens from honoring the sacrifice of U.S. Marines. What a bunch of creeps. It's like the Second Coming of LBJ.